When the Thrill is Gone.

When the Thrill is Gone.

Posted by Candace

I used to love Christmas.  I mean, LOVE Christmas.  Throughout the year, I looked forward to two things... Christmas and a beach vacation.  If I counted the number of thoughts I had toward those two things, it would probably number in the thousands...maybe even millions. 

When the Christmas season would arrive, I would throw myself into it...shopping, decorating, baking, events (the more Christmas parties, the better)... all of this would become my December world and I loved it.  Until December 26th, that is...the day after Christmas was one of the most depressing days of the year...presents opened, mess made, food stale, decorations no longer valid.  Somehow the hype, the expectations, the planning that led up to one day, left a hole bigger than a whole new year could fill.  Next Christmas...next Christmas will be perfect.

Something changed, however.  The "something" had to do with this little baby that I claimed to celebrate while making my wishlist and imagining my perfect Christmas gatherings.  Never before had a baby been born for a greater purpose... and that purpose was not to get comfortable and be happy.  He came to die for a lost and dying world.  He came to turn us upside down and shake out all of our pride and obstinacy and plans for the future.  He came to make everything else grow strangely dim.

Almost 3 years ago, right after Christmas, David and I took first steps to follow Jesus into a world that we had only read about.  We began the great adventure of adoption.  We were sitting around living the American dream, right up to the 2.5 kids (Nathan has always been a kid and a half :), but we had hit a wall with the Lord.  It was like we couldn't come any closer.  Finally we said "yes, Lord! Turn our lives upside down.  Take our family and use it for your glory.  We are tired of "life as usual".  We want to be ALL that you created us to be."  And we brought home Kate...and then we brought home Jessica and Naomi... and somewhere in the midst of a changing life and a transitioning family, Christmas was put in its place.

This year, Christmas looked a lot different.  Yes, there were still expectations and decorations and celebrations, but it was in perspective.  Redemption changes things and once you have watched with your own eyes while He redeems...how He redeems...His intimate involvement in redemption...holiday traditions almost become a distraction.  I mean, as hard as I try, I have less time with the Lord while I am supposedly celebrating Him, than I do all year.  Our relationship actually suffers while I am trying to remember all the people I need to give a gift to, while I am trying to put up all the decorations that I pull out of my attic, while I am filling the calendar with events to attend.

This year, my favorite part about Christmas was that it was low key.  Being so shortly home from China, we had an excuse.  We attended very few holiday events. We stayed home.  We were able to have bilingual Chinese guests who we quickly fell in love with.  We enjoyed our decorations and fires in the fireplace and some Hallmark movies.  We enjoyed fellowship with neighbors and watching as our new daughters opened presents and played with new toys. Even so, I have discovered that the joy of this season does not come from a perfect Christmas tree or kisses under the mistletoe, or lights all aglow.  It comes from a Savior who was just getting started on the day He was born.  The best was yet to come, but the best was a hard road to the cross so that I could one day take up my own.  Carrying your cross means you see the world through a different lens...and sometimes that lens means you enjoy certain things less than you did before you put on "God glasses".

The day after Christmas, I sit here knowing that I will never be the same.  Christmas will never hold the same temporary thrill that it once did.  That thrill is gone and the traditions seem rather like going through the motions.  I want my children to live for more than just some temporary highs on Christmas day.  I want them to live for the God who changes lives.  I don't want them to spend the day after Christmas wishing that they didn't have to wait a whole year for it to come again.  I want them to spend it anticipating the adventure that God has for them in the coming year.  I hope with every Christmas that passes, they will almost look forward to December 26th when once again there is peace on earth :).

So yes, I will forever cherish the moments that we were blessed with this Christmas, but I will also rejoice that when everything is over and the last decoration is put away, it only means that it is time to get back to it.  There are people to see come to Christ and things to do for our calling. 

If you are hearing "Bah Humbug" from me, please listen closely.  Peace on earth.  Goodwill to men!  Christmas has come and gone again, but the Savior is calling.  Hear Him.  Follow Him.  Live for Him.  Because every day has the potential to celebrate Christ.

It Really Has Nothing to Do with Phil Robertson

It Really Has Nothing to Do with Phil Robertson

Posted by Candace

As this week comes to a close, my mind is worn.  I think that the Duck Dynasty controversy has been written about and railed about and run through the ringer from every angle.  I may have scrolled past 50 blogs that took this opportunity to share their views with the world (I guess I am jumping on that bandwagon, aren't I?).  It has been almost painful to read opinion after opinion until I just had to stop.  I am thankful to this controversy though because it has forced me to solidify my beliefs and examine my responses.  It has made me passionate and then humble and then resolved.  For what it's worth... if you can stomach to read something else about this nonsense... here's my take away...

• The Church is as bad as a political party when it comes unity and loyalty to each other.  We have so many factions going on in the family of God and EVERY ONE of them think that they have the right view of things, the right interpretation of the Bible, and the backing of Jesus Himself.  The Scriptures say a good many different things that all fall somehow into harmony with each other, but most everything that I have read on this issue has taken one of these different things and made it the only thing to beat other Christians over the head.
• Many people seem to think that if somehow you are angry about a man answering a question about morality truthfully and being put in time out for it in front of God and everybody that you have ceased to care about the lost and dying world or about people being martyred for Christ or about sex trafficking, etc, etc.  I can personally attest to the fact that you can do both at the same time.
• Those, (this includes other Christians) attacking Christians for taking a public Biblical stand against homosexuality on the basis that it is publicly denigrating hurting people seem to forget that Christians did not bring this fight into the public arena.  We were not on the offensive on this, but rather the defensive and that is only because marriage (an institute that God was very clear about when He created it in the beginning) was brought into the public debate.  Don't get me wrong, we love every one of the people trying to shove the agenda down our throats, but we are compelled to say "No, I'm sorry, you are wrong.  Your ideas will destroy and kill and steal.  They will steal our children...our future generations.  There is a good reason this lifestyle has been forbidden by the Lord."  The people controlling these loud factions do not want to stop with being accepted by society.  This agenda is driven by the devil to infiltrate our schools and be taught as an acceptable and alternative lifestyle to children.  Sin is not content until it has sucked in everyone within its reach.  With prayer already removed, this agenda will over take our children (our future society) and cause destruction that many will be lamenting in the years to come. In some ways it already has.
• Most of us with real concern about where this is going are not without sin.  Rather, most of us have experienced sin at its most destructive.  We are rescued and forgiven and we simply cannot sit by and be silent while other are recruited into the strongholds of the enemies camp.  We cannot call it love to be silent.  We have experienced the truth that sets free and we take seriously our job as ambassadors.  We know that the truth often hurts...it often offends...it brings dark things to light and forces people to take a good hard look at their actions...but when accepted, it sets free.  I am not condoning truth screamed in hatefulness, but rather truth spoken in love.
• There are sides to the battle of this world.  I'm sorry, but that is a Biblical fact, whether you like it or not.  If you are not living for Christ, you are living for Satan...you are an open door for the enemy to use you and your life for destruction.  None of us are perfect...but you are either covered in the righteousness of Christ or you are not.  If you are not, and you die or He returns, your sin will glaringly convict you when you stand before the throne.  That is truth.  It is love to tell that truth.  The only thing that makes me different from someone unsaved is that I have repented of my former way of life and made Jesus my Lord.  And that invitation is as open to anyone unsaved as it was to me.
• You can struggle with sin and not be defined by it.  I don't believe that there are openly gay Christians, just as I don't believe there are openly liar Christians.  If you have a problem with lying and you are letting Christ work it out of you, you do not walk around saying "I'm a liar and proud of it."  NO, you are covered with the righteousness of Christ and struggling against lying.  It is the same with any sin.  When we give our lives to Christ, such WERE some of us, but we are no longer.  We pray to walk worthy of our calling, not to continue to be defined by our sin.  Sin has lost its hold on us unless we continue to give it that hold... and there is no better way to give it power than to define ourselves by it.
• None of this is really about a stupid TV show or even crazy reality stars, it is about the battle between the forces of darkness and the forces of light.  It is about seeing right in front of our eyes the state that the Church is in.  When we can attack and attack and attack, even turning on each other, we are playing right into the hands of the enemy.  We don't have to become loud and obnoxious like the world when we want to make a point.  When God wanted to make a point, He sent an infant to be born in a stable.  We can quietly take our stand and leave room for God's wrath.  But even when Christians are loud and obnoxious (some of us completely on accident), are we still worthy of love and grace?  Or is that just reserved for the loud and obnoxious sinner?  I seem to remember a verse that says "By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love ONE ANOTHER."
• Losing freedom of speech and of religion means that all these people blogging and saying that fighting for these freedoms is not a Christian's job, lose their freedom to freely state this opinion.  If you believe that this is not an important issue, then shut down your blog immediately...unless of course, you plan on being politically correct ALL the time and on every issue.
• To be very clear, I am as passionate about fornication and adultery as I am about homosexuality and that does not mean that I hate people that do it.  I have a myriad of friends and even family who have had children outside of marriage or have been through divorces that included adultery.  Why is there this blanket label of hate and rejection and bigotry put on Christians that believe and are willing to stand up for what the Bible says?  I wish we were back at the debates about how much fornication is now all over TV, but we've already crossed that acceptance bridge, remember?  How many of our children have been caught up in destruction because we have accepted this particular sin as "our culture"?
• We need a lot more time on our face before God.  I think we forget that this time in His presence changes the world much more than anything we can do with our own two hands.

Take them or leave them...after all, who am I?  Just someone commissioned to be a light in the middle of a dark world who often completely messes it up.  I ask Jesus how He could hope to reach the world and bring glory to Himself through people as messed up as me (probably most Christians are not THIS messed up).  That in itself is a miracle!  I am only left with this in this season of Advent when the A&E chaos is abounding around me... Come, Lord Jesus.

Kate: A Case Study in the Needs of Children

Kate: A Case Study in the Needs of Children

Posted by Candace

A year and a half ago we brought home a two and a half year old little girl from China.  This girl was quiet and smart.  She would babble a bit in Chinese, sometimes singing a song or two, but for the most part she just watched life go on around her.  You could almost see the wheels turning inside her head.  She was taking life in, but something stopped her from jumping into life.

Fast forward to today... this girl is full force, full on LIVING.  She runs EVERYWHERE.  She rarely stops talking.  She can crawl up into a strangers lap and have them wrapped around her finger in less than two minutes.  She asks questions and makes statements that are literally astounding sometimes.  She laughs often, loves deeply, and lives fully.

What changed?  Well, yes, she lived in an orphanage for two and a half years and yes, I am sure that largely contributed to the way she was when we brought her home.  I, however, often wonder if Kate would be the Kate we have at home if she were still with her biological parents.  There is much to be said for DNA in personality development, but I think there is more to it than that.  I know now, as an adult, that there were many factors that kept me from ever blossoming fully as a child.  Three things stand out when I consider the way that I have parented and how it has allowed my children to fully develop their personality.  Don't get me wrong... I'm no expert.  I will not be writing parenting books any time soon.  However, I think I have stumbled upon three things that I have mostly done right for my kids.

Children need space.  Yes, structure is a good thing...even a necessary thing, but a child will never thrive under rigid rules all the time.  You will not get to see and experience everything that God created your child to be under the heavy curtain of inflexibility.  A child needs time to get messy without being wiped every five seconds... time to run in the house without being chastised about the knick knacks (put those things in storage already)... time to be naked and silly... time to be loud and flamboyant.  There is a time for everything, of course, but that should include this kind of time.  Giving your child space means letting them breathe...letting them be themselves... letting them experience freedom.

Children need grace.  High love, high discipline... I totally get it.  Yes, children need boundaries and they need to be taught to follow those boundaries, but they also need to be able to make mistakes.  When it is not a game changer, choose grace.  When the milk is spilled all over the floor, when they have slammed the door for 4th time today, when they need a few extra minutes to finish their game before they go to bed...choose grace.  There are many, many things that we, as parents, can harp on because it makes OUR lives easier.  If we really want to see our children live life fully, we have to set aside our "pet peeves", reminding ourselves that some day we will miss the spills and the noise and the reluctant bedtimes.  Giving your child grace means letting them breathe...letting them make mistakes...letting them know that some things are just NOT a big deal.

Children need face.  Attention is key for a child.  Your full attention means that they are important and they know this.  This is why children will vie for an adult's attention...because every time a face is turned toward them, they hear "you are important."  When my children speak, I try to fully listen and fully engage (provided they are not interrupting a conversation or talking to me while I am on a rare phone call, in which case, I have this eerie "tune you out" ability).  I have never been one for much baby talk, except with babies... so often I will speak to them in the same way that I would talk to another adult, maybe in an age appropriate form of conversation, but not in any way patronizing or demeaning.  Respect your child like you respect any other human on the planet...because shocker...wait for it... your child is a human.  GASP!  and one day they will be an adult human just like the ones you interact with on a daily basis.  Follow them into their imagination.  Help them make up the story.  Play along.  But also answer their questions.  Be as truthful as possible.  Explain things they don't understand when you can.  In the end, you will be surprised at how much they can process.  Children also need to be "in" your face...they need time to be close to you.  They need to be DAILY swept up in hugs...covered in kisses... tickled and soothed.  It isn't good to have physical boundaries with your children (Obviously I am not talking about ANYTHING inappropriate here)... they should have access to hugs when they need them, to time right in your face, to ability to touch your hair and your nose and put their fingers in your mouth.  They thrive when they have full access. (Disclaimer: I know there are times when we don't want our children right in our face and I am not saying it is never okay to say "not right now", I'm just talking about saying "it is never okay".  Again, I am speaking only of appropriate contact) Giving your child grace means letting them breathe...letting them be seen AND heard... letting them as close as they want to be.

Parenting this way does not automatically mean that your child will fully open up to life.  I know that there are other factors that go into this and they greatly vary in every family and every situation.  And please don't think that I am saying this is ALL children need.  Please keep feeding your children, giving them structure, disciplining them, and most importantly, praying for them.  However, if you can give space, grace, and face to your child on a daily basis, it will help give them the courage and freedom to learn to live.

No, I can't imagine that Kate would be the same little girl back in China, even if her parents could have raised her.  I saw nothing in China that gave indication these three things are priorities in parenting there.  But as I look back over my list, I realize that I, myself, daily receive every one of these things from my Father in heaven...that these are parenting strategies that He uses with this child over here...and there's no better recommendation than that.

The Honest Truth About Encountering Grace

The Honest Truth About Encountering Grace

Posted by Candace

"No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it." Hebrews 12:11


It's no real secret (because I find it fairly difficult to keep them any way) that I have been struggling lately.  Unfortunately, I am no good at hiding my true feelings so it only takes a question like "How are things going?" to bring an earful instead of the expected "Fine." or "Great!".  I mean, don't ask if you don't really want to know, right? (I'm so sorry to my true friends who have had to unexpectedly listen to my "this is so hard" speech)

What might surprise you is why I am struggling... it surprised me.  There is a Scripture that says "You do not have because you do not ask."  One of the things that the Lord has been drilling into me these past couple of weeks is that I need to ask Him for what I need.  He has been fairly clear that He will not be providing until I ask.  So today I finally asked, "Lord, why is this so difficult for me? Why am I struggling?"  I expected the answer to be "Because you have 5 kids... because your husband is out of town all week...because you are trying to hold down a part time job AND homeschool AND keep the house from being declared a disaster area...because your child loves food more than she loves you... because your new teenager has learned the word "Why?" and uses it every time that you insist she do something...because you never get a moment to yourself and when you do it ends up being spent on some "to do" that has sat on the backburner until it is smoking." 

Instead, when I asked Him, "Why am I so angry? Why do I want to run and hide all the time? Why do I daily feel beaten down and walked over?"  the answer was, "Because you don't like yourself very much right now..."

And that is the nail on the head.  My struggle has a lot less to do with this crazy transition and the girls it centers around and more to do with the fact that I really don't like myself right now.  I have to live with me and I really don't like me. 

I don't like me, because I am disappointed in me.  I am disappointed at what comes out of me in the moments of high stress that I face on a daily basis.  I am disappointed that after years of serving the Lord, loving the Lord, pointing others toward the Lord, I find myself sporting the worst attitude, losing my temper, living in thoughts that are as far from Christ-like as Peter's denial, and acting like I don't know Jesus from Adam.  I am mad at myself for writing blog after blog for the sole purpose of glorifying God, and then finding myself in a season where every stinkin' sin that I thought I had long ago left in the deepest part of the ocean is rising to haunt me.  I'm talking things that I struggled with in CHILDHOOD that I am once again finding myself struggling with.  What??  LORD, I thought we had dealt with this.  I thought this was long behind me.  I thought I was a more mature Christian than this.

Today it started to make sense... the reason that He had told me that I must begin to ask Him before He would meet my needs.  Asking requires humility and it also requires a need for grace.  Asking the Lord for something is not often my first inclination because I am afraid that I don't deserve it.  And honestly, I don't.  Even just from a merely human standpoint, I don't deserve one thing from the Hand of Holiness.  I fall so short.  So do you... you might think you have all your Christian stuff together and "I would NEVER do that... react like that...say that... think that." but most of you just need the right circumstances to prove yourself wrong (BTW, a lot of prideful thoughts begin with "I would NEVER").  And here is a problem that we can't solve for ourselves...we need the grace of God. 

We can be deceived into thinking that we don't need grace.  We can get really comfortable in our lives and be walking the walk and talking the talk and we begin to think things like "Why is that person struggling with THAT?" or "If so and so was in the Word more, they wouldn't such and such." or "That is such a tragic situation, but you know, it is really their own doing."  We forget soooo easily that WE need grace...that BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD...that sometimes what a person really needs is a little bit of that grace.  And the minute that we forget how much grace we, ourselves, need, we have already entered into the danger zone of sin. 

But when we come back to the point that we realize we need His grace...that we ask for that grace...that we are ready to receive that grace... He lavishes it on us.  He drowns us in grace...whether it is a divine conversation or a hug from a stranger or a touch from the spouse that you have done NOTHING to earn or a timely verse that jumps off the pages of His Word... He lays it on thick.  And suddenly you find yourself a wretched mess at His feet repenting that you have been SOOO unwilling to freely offer grace to others. 

You see, anger often comes from a feeling that we have been wronged or are being taken advantage of or that things are not going the way WE want them to.  Most of the time, anger involves another person and often it involves a lack of grace for someone else.  Anger says "They need to PAY the debt they owe to me."  or "They need to STOP doing that because it gets on my nerves." or "They aren't loving me the way they should."  And EVERY one of the these things, the Lord can say about me lately.  The God of the Universe has had plenty of reason to strike me dead with a bolt of lightning since we have been home from China... and instead He offers me GRACE.  He reaches out His Hand to me and He says, "Candace, it's okay.  I forgive you.  You don't owe anything.  I want to help you,  I want to uphold you."  In light of such grace, how can I require a lesser debt from my husband, my children, or myself?  Grace begets grace.

Yes, no doubt, my default settings are still very wrong.  Many times my emotions are out of control, many times I say or yell or do the wrong things, many times my attitude STINKS... I am in the refiner's fire and it is hot in here!  Being disciplined into righteousness is not fun... it is hard...where I'm at is hard.  But oh, ya'll, if it means that I get up close and personal moments with this grace, I will ask for it one hundred times over.  If it means that this girl is gonna be more peaceable...more righteous...on the other side, then bring it on.  If it means that the relationships that I already have and will have are filled with grace, sign me up.  If it means that instead of disliking myself, I forget about me and only see Him, is there any better place to be?

So if I say or post or do things any time in the near future and you are tempted to think "I would never..." or "she has some serious issues..." (haven't I been telling ya'll that all along) or "How unChristlike...", I would ask that only you without sins cast the stones...cause I am freely admitting mine...to you and to the Lord...and He has chosen to meet my confession with grace.  So really, there is no one left to condemn me, not even me.  And you know what the craziest thing about that is?  It gives me so much more power to "go and sin no more."

Grace for My Waiting Friends

Grace for My Waiting Friends

Posted by Candace

All of heaven stood poised and silent as the couple walked into the room.  This is the day they had waited for, they had planned for, they had prayed for.  The hosts had been furiously and feverishly working to bring detail after detail together.  It had been a long, grueling wait for the man and woman who were being watched with such holy anticipation.  Though the activity in heaven was daily directed at bringing this moment together in perfect harmony, the couple had not seen with their eyes what a stir their prayers were causing.  They could not see the preparation that needed to go into this new family.  They could not see that one of the most important and combatted events on earth was happening through them.  They could not see the spiritual warfare going on as the Host of Heaven held off every attempt of the enemy to kill, steal, and destroy.

And it all came down to this moment...the moment when a child...their child would be placed into their arms.  A child who had never known the breath of his mother on his face...who had never felt a father's strong arms around him...who had never heard the sound of "I love you" when it rides on heartfelt whispers.  This child had NO idea how often he had been prayed for, how longingly he was loved, how much sacrifice had already been made. 

And his parents could never imagine how crucial each day that they waited for him was to the plan.  In their minds it was torture, a sacrifice almost too difficult to make.  In the heavenly realm, it was opportunity.  Growth happened in those moments that would be impossible in the comfortable wake of realizing their dream.  Preparation was made without which a disaster could have soon ensued.  The Divine Appointer of Kairos had been present to oversee every twist and turn.  And as He walked into the room, the hush in heaven deepened...  it was finally time.

The soon-to-be parents rose to their feet as the social worker entered the room.  In her arms she held the despondent form of a child.  Only the Host could see the chains that encompassed his body...only they could see the enemy's icy clutches that still entangled the small figure.  The woman gasped as they brought the little boy forward.  He looked at her with wary eyes that had already seen enough of "life" to last a lifetime.  Heaven eagerly watched... they had seen this part before... they knew what was about to happen... they were ready.  The mother reached out her arms and her child was placed in her chest... the same place that she would have held him if she had been the one to birth him.  The heavens let out a cheer as the icy clutches of Satan dissolved and the baby was set free.  There would be more work to do as these parents guided their little boy toward "True Life", but right now the victory was poignant.  The Lord of Heaven let out a laugh...there would be one less orphan in the world tonight... and because He was the Knower of All Things, He knew that one day this little boy's heart would be rescued as well.  This one would be redeemed twice.

As you wait for the Lord to bring about the perfect timing of your adoption, there are a couple of things you should know...

• He is Sovereign: the events happening around you in this wait are not coincidence if you are seeking His Will.  He is orchestrating things that you never could have envisioned. Don't short cut His process because the flesh wants something else.  I can guarantee the flesh will want something else. Don't fight Him...it just makes the process longer and more difficult.
• He is Near: there will be many days when you think that God could not possibly be involved in your process and that He has left you on your own, standing in the middle of nowhere...but you are wrong.  He is intimate with every detail.  Trust Him.  I mean trust Him even when it feels like the stupidest thing that you've ever done.  Trust Him when everything within you screams "DO SOMETHING!"  Believe that He is at work and that He will work everything for good. 
• He is Enough: even if you never get to the end of this...even if this wasn't about adoption...even if this was about changing YOU...ultimately life is all about Him.  Are you brave enough to resolve up front that if there is NOTHING for you at the end of this calling, you will follow?  Do you love Him enough to say "YOU are enough."?  If I never hold my child... if I hold a child that is nothing like I had ever expected... if Your plans are different from mine... "YOU are enough!"  Because He is.  And our life's calling is to bring glory to His Name... sometimes bringing glory to His Name will be a sacrifice...sometimes it will be painful...sometimes it will be seen by no one but the enemy's camp where demons are forced to fall to their knees at your uncompromising obedience to the Father.  I don't say this to scare you.  I say it to inspire you to change your perspective.  This is not about bringing a child home... this is about following Jesus.

And you know what?  He IS these things while you wait... He IS these things when your wait is done... and He IS these things long after your wait is forgotten.  My friend, the challenges do not end in the waiting... they just begin there.  If you are taking a step out on faith to follow Jesus, you better get used to living there, because you aren't going back.  He will only ever take you deeper... and deeper... and deeper... and even the first time, you will realize that you will drown without Him.  There is the real goal, friends... total dependence on Christ... Losing your life so that you gain it.  When we get this through our thick skulls, it is there we will find grace for the wait.