God sees.

God sees.

Posted by Candace

So I thought my next post would be one introducing Katherine Hope to you, but a few delays later I am writing just because the knots must come out some way. The matching list that was supposed to come out on the 20th was delayed until Nov. 1st. which was last night in China. Alas, it still has not come out, we have not been matched yet, and so goes what I am told is normal in the adoption process. There are no guarantees. There are no adoption C-sections. The entire process must have its way and there isn't anything we can do to change that.

Needless to say, I have spent the last 3 days vascillating between excitement and anxiety. David, too, has felt the pressure of waiting. At random moments we find ourselves looking at each other and asking "Are you ready?" As if that will hurry things up. Waiting is hard! If you have ever experienced waiting for a child to come into your world, the difficulty of patience is tripled. In both my pregnancies the last week before labor was the most difficult. Not knowing when the contractions would begin, but knowing it could be any moment... I feel that exact way right now. That feeling of just enough weariness to make you want to cry, but just enough hope to keep the tears from coming.

I had to call our case worker this morning, so I could at least move on with the day and think of something else. Emily is so gracious to us and understands every bit of this having gone through it twice herself. She says that she doesn't know what is going on with the list... she is going to call some people a little bit later in the day and find out. My temptation is to doubt, to worry, to be discouraged, but I kinda got an email from God this morning. Strange thing to say, I know, but let me explain. David and I waited up last night for news and disappointment sank in when we went to bed without any. We checked our phones a couple of times during the night and still nothing. I have an app on my phone that gives me a random daily Bible verse. It changes to a new one at midnight and alerts me. I didn't look at it last night because I was so focused on whether I had gotten a phone call or an email, but this morning when I looked at it, the verse jumped out at me. "For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry 'Abba, Father!'" Romans 8:15. What??? There are only a few verses in the entire Bible that have the word "adoption" in them. Speechless!

God sees... He sees us here waiting breathlessly for our daughter. He sees my dear friend who just found out she has a mass in her breast as she waits for news about her health. He sees my loved one who has been devastated by her spouse as she waits to see what will play out in her marriage. He sees my husband who is wading through company changes as he waits for others to make decisions that he has no control over. And He sees you...wherever you are, whatever you are waiting for, God sees you. And He waits too... He waits for you to care, He waits for you to believe, He waits for you to follow... He is waiting every day for sons and daughters. I have no words to describe a God such as this. A God who would message me this morning just to say "I see you."

So we may meet our daughter today... or we may meet her next month. Waiting is still hard, but He is here... He's right here beside us...and because I know and believe that, I can face the moments, the hours, the days of waiting.

How Long is This Going to Take?

How Long is This Going to Take?

Posted by Candace

Do you remember the movie "Madagascar"? Well, if you've seen it, you probably remember the scene where King Julian and all his followers are waiting in a tree for their new friends down below to fall asleep. After just a few minutes, King Julian yells "How long is this going to take?"

Yep, I'm a little like King Julian right now. The longer I live, the more that I am assured that I HATE waiting. It is one of the reasons I often rush headlong into things without a second thought and it is also a reason for building frustration when things seem to be taking a long time or I have to depend on others to get them done. Impatience is definitely NOT a virtue, and I often experience its rotten fruit. Right now for instance, I am waiting for one last piece of paperwork before I can mail in our home study packet and finally be moving forward again in this adoption process. This one thing seems to be taking forever, and every day that passes, I find myself getting a little more anxious and a little more doubtful about everything. Sounds exactly like God is teaching me patience, huh? I'd almost rather be learning Greek :). But for now, I will continue to let go of each passing day that seems to be pushing our dreams to far off land, and trust that Father knows best. I don't want any of this to go faster or slower then it should. Good things come to those who wait, and I am expecting that at the end of this long road there will be very good things. God, grant me the patience required for this journey...

Last week was Spring Break and David and I took the boys to Tampa, FL to visit Busch Gardens. It was a wonderful, short escape from the pressures of life and we thoroughly enjoyed each other. We spent 2 very full days at the theme park and the water park and besides being thoroughly exhausted by the end of the day, we had one of the best family vacations we have ever taken. David kept reminding the boys that they needed to enjoy it to the fullest because it would probably be a while before we would return...which brought visions of someday keeping tabs on 4 kids in the midst of crowds. Yeah, it really might be a while before we return :). We were very thankful to get this family time, though and we were made even more thankful for the time when we learned that a dear friend's mother moved to heaven last week, fairly unexpectedly. We were reminded that life is short and every moment counts. We all must remember to make the most of every opportunity and actively pursue and walk in the plan we were created for.

Which brings me to the last thing I wanted to write about today. I recently read a book called "The Butterfly Effect". The point of the book was the fact that everything you and I do, no matter who you are, matters. It gives several examples of how one man or woman changed history and changed lives, sometimes by seemingly insignificant right choices. But those small right choices compounded, sometimes several generations later, and led to big events that changed the world. Think about this... you may never be someone that influences the world... but what if tomorrow, you encouraged someone enough that they had the courage to become someone that influences the world. You may never personally rescue a child from the sex trafficking trade, but what if tomorrow you gave of what you had and a child was rescued and that child grew up to rescue more children. You may never be a teacher or a preacher, but what if you inspired your children so much that they became teachers or preachers and the people that they inspire became the same. Changing the world begins one conscious person at a time making one conscious right choice at a time. When your life on this earth is over, it is not your earthly legacy that will matter, it is your heavenly one. There, and only there, will it be revealed the incredible impact you have had on this earth... or not. No person on this earth is insignificant unless they choose to be, and no choice, good or bad, impacts only the chooser. Our lives matter and it is never too late to make a difference.

Please pray that we get this home study sent off this week and that we can quickly finish up with our social worker visits and be approved by the state of GA. Also, please pray for the Peeples and Davis families as they lost a dear saint this past week and will miss her very much. Also, if you would be so gracious as to pray for David and I as we step out on faith in another area of our lives. We feel very called to something right now, but we are not so sure at all what that looks like. We recently left our church of 3 years to pursue whatever direction God intends for us, but doors have yet to open, and we would so appreciate prayers. Again, I find myself pulling a King Julian..."How long is this going to take???'

Making the Most of Opportunity

Making the Most of Opportunity

Posted by Candace

Today as I write Japan has suffered a horrible natural disaster. As if an 8.9 magnitude earthquake wasn't enough, it created a tsunami that reached 33 feet in some areas. The pictures and videos have been devastating to take in and even though it is thousands of miles away, that doesn't change the fact that these are families just like ours. It is difficult for us all to watch as we cannot even imaging what they are facing. These people lived quiet lives...most of them were probably innocent citizens...some were Christians...and yet none were spared from facing the worst earthquake disaster ever to affect Japan. Our hearts go out to these people as do our prayers. May God not waste these hurts, but may He use this as an opportunity to save many.

We are still knee deep in paperwork for our home study. Seems like every time we get one thing completed, another thing pops up that we need to take care of. Such is life. I have been ridiculously busy lately as I try to keep up with 5 different "main" things. David has been so helpful and even agreed to take a day off next week to run around with me and hold my head on :). This week we got letters out to all our employers (there are at least 3) and am sending up prayers that those will come back properly notarized in a timely fashion. Next week will be doctors offices, police station again, and DFaCs...yay! Bet you wish you were me. Thankfully our criminal records came back clean from the FBI...I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I was actually nervous as I opened the packet. Neither of us leads an obvious double life, so that is good. I still have a goal of the end of March, but as quickly as March is passing, I may need to be more realistic. We'll see after next week.

Some challenging adoption news was also reported this week. Ethiopia announced that it is cutting its international adoptions program by 90%. This is a major blow to a good many potential adoptive parents and a good many orphaned children. Just as in other countries, the reasoning is that a small percentage of these children end up in bad situations. Please be in prayer that this country will do what is best for their children. Of course, all abuse possible should be eradicated, but there also must be consideration to the thousands of children that can barely be fed and clothed in the orphanages.

Lastly, I read something interesting the other day and wanted to share. I have written before about the role we play in the lives of people around us and the opportunities that we are presented with every day to show love. It has rarely occurred to me that we should consciously assess each person and each situation before we decide HOW to show that love. We are all different. The way that I love each of my children is different. I know their ins and outs, so I know what is most effective in showing them they are loved. So it with those around us. One person may just need silence and a hug, while another needs encouraging words, while still another may need a good kick in the pants (I don't mean literally, of course). As I was reading a commentary on the story of Martha and Mary, I came across this...

"Here is one of the great difficulties of life. So often we want to be kind to people, but we want to be kind to them in our way; and should it happen that our way is not the necessary way, we sometimes take offense and think that we are not appreciated. If we are trying to be kind the first necessity is to try to see into the heart of the person we desire help - then to forget all of our own plans and think of only what he or she needs."

I certainly would love to have more friends in my life who think this way, so I know it is necessary for me to become that kind of friend. Putting others before ourselves entirely involves this kind of love.

Please pray for Japan this week and also for Ethiopia...and then there is Libya. There are just a lot of countries that need our prayers...including our own. Also please pray that we will get this paperwork done quickly and correctly as one small discrepancy will hold up the whole thing.

Thank you so much for following this journey with us. It is wonderful to know how much support we have and how many people are praying for us.

The End of Roberts' Privacy :)

The End of Roberts' Privacy :)

Posted by Candace

So we got our home study paperwork in the mail yesterday and just call me "Eager Beaver" :). I am sure the USPS lady was happy to be spared my face waiting at the mailbox today (Just kidding, I'm not quite that bad. I waited inside the house until she drove off). I am diving into it without restraint...well, maybe a little restraint since I still work 2 jobs, have 2 kids and a very ADD puppy, and volunteer on the PTF board at the boys' school. Let's just say that I have a goal to have the entire home study done by the end of March...which is about half the time that they are usually completed. We shall see... I know that I aim high, but why not... life is short.

I used to think that I was a pretty open person that was not bothered by personal questions or worried about giving information about myself, my life, my feelings, etc... and then I opened this packet. We have to fill out detailed paperwork on just about everything about us... I mean, someone could write a good "tell all" Robert's family book after our home study is completed (Don't worry all you extended family Roberts'. I am just talking about our immediate family. We will leave out all the holiday fun we have had over the years :). I don't think I am bothered by anything individually... a financial statement is not a big deal, neither is a full medical history, or an autobiography, or criminal record checks, etc., etc. I think the "irk" comes in at the comprehensiveness of what we are about to reveal to total strangers, so that they can put a rubber stamp on our lifestyle and parenting skills. For all I know, they could find me lacking in a good many areas that I have spent years working on...am I strong enough to think of myself as a good parent even if that is the case? I mean, here we are the dad and mom of a 10 year old and 8 year old, and these people could come in and say, "we're sorry, you don't meet the criteria of a good parent". So I guess I am realizing that this is more than just about us as adoptive parents... it feels like a test of how well we are doing with our current children as well. Scary! Not that I am not thrilled to be at this point in the journey, but I guess it never even occurred to me that I would feel this way. Like I said, I am not a private person, but I now have a little bit more sympathy for people who are in a world like this one.

So I have found one more similarity of childbirth and adoption. In childbirth, you have to reveal just about everything, but in a physical sense... in adoption, you are revealing just about everything, but you can keep your clothes on. Not sure at this point which one I would rather do, but I will keep you updated... lol. Either way, when you get to the end, you find that it is totally worth it. And in that I find hope...

Pray for this non-detailed person as I lead our family in chasing down forms, typing up answers to questions, and running the numbers. Lord knows how much I will need it :).

On another note, life has become quite overwhelming lately. Maybe we are being prepared for the rest of our lives :). We are finding not much around us to be really stable and some days we want to jump off the merry-go-around. What keeps me moving forward on most days lately is the thought of close friends who are going through much worse than we are. I know that they are praying the same prayers I am, except in some of those situations, those prayers are filled with grief, pain, life and death. Comparatively our life craziness is mild, and most days, before I complain I choose to remember "it could be worse". If we know Jesus, if we are breathing, if we are loved by someone, if we are eating every day, we have nothing to complain about, and most of us have something we can give to those who are not so blessed. If we can turn our focus onto what we can give, instead of what we are not getting, not only will we be more happy individually, but the world will change. Right now, do you see anything more needed than world change? It begins one person at a time.

Donations?

Donations?

Posted by Candace

David and I passed our physicals! We got A+s :). God is absolutely, positively amazing!!! Yet somehow in the midst of my rejoicing my heart breaks for my friends... Sweet Kate is back to treatments, back to dealing with cancer unknowns, and wondering if she will make it past 8. My resiliant and courageous friend, Paula, lost her baby this week. A baby conceived from a marriage of new beginnings...a baby of hope. And my compassionate friend, Erin is watching helplessly as her mother faces yet another battle with cancer. In all this pain and sorrow, I wonder how God expects us to be able to go on. I know He can and will show His glory through all of this, but I can't help but selfishly wish there was no need... I guess we all have a very human side, and we have to believe that God knows and sympathizes with that side of us. That He walks the road with us... side by side... hand in hand. That we are NEVER alone. Is that enough for those suffering? Well, those of you who know Christ, please tell me the last time He has NOT been faithful. I will go to my grave trusting in that faithfulness.

I was asked today how to donate to our adoption process. I hadn't really even thought of it... not because we are rich, but I just figured that since God was leading us to do this, He would provide the resources. But I also don't want to overlook any way that He might like to do that. So if He puts it in your heart to be a part of this journey we are on, then by all means, feel free to give. I have a savings account open that we are using for the adoption funds. You can mail any donations to 5038 Brookstone Ln Loganville, GA 30052 and just label them "Sydney and Kate" :). I will make sure and keep track so that I can send you a special picture of the girls when they come home... proof that you were a part of something in God's plan bigger than us! Is there anything better?

Our adoption coordinator is in the process of mailing us home study packets, so March will be filled with complying with the state of GA. Please pray that we get our "i"s dotted and our "t"s crossed. We continue to take this process one day at a time, praying that it will be as short and smooth as possible... and if and when the roadblocks come, God will glorify His name through them.

Can't Get Past the Evidence

Can't Get Past the Evidence

Posted by Candace

Sometimes you wait so long for God to do something, that when He finally starts opening the doors that you have been trying to force open with a crowbar, you almost fall through. I have that feeling right now. I think we are almost in shock at what God is doing and how fast He is doing it. Last year this journey seemed impossible, and now it is not only possible, but it seems to be happening.

A few months ago when David and I first started talking about adoption, I was wavering back and forth so much on whether this was God's purpose or just our desires. My heart wants to step out in faith, but there is always this thought in the back of my mind that maybe I am choosing my own way over God's, just because it seems pleasant. During this struggle (that still goes on at times), I felt God challenging me to take action steps of faith, even though in my mind they seemed stupid. So I cleaned out my upstairs office one day of everything. I started looking at ideas for a room mural that someday soon my sweet sis-in-law, Amanda, will paint. And I made room for our blessing. Shortly afterward, I was walking through a store and saw the cutest little girl outfits. I bought two that were similar, never giving a second thought to "why two?". At the time these things seemed a little obsessive and I even questioned my own rationality :), but looking back I am so glad I took steps of faith. Cause when God starts working and you have chosen faith, you can look back and see the amazingness of what He has been doing all along. Now I have 2 little outfits hanging in my closet singing to me of 2 little girls in a far off land waiting for their daddy and mommy and brothers. "Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Sometimes God asks you to have faith and sometimes He gives you evidence.

David is far more logical in his approach to life. Once he makes a decision on something, he rarely wavers. One of his most attractive qualities is the complete confidence he has when making decisions. He has always been my rock. The other night we were talking about several things in our lives right now that are just "up in the air"...several things that are beyond our control and unstable and adoption was one of the things on that list. Me, in my emotional way, immediately started to worry. "David, are you rethinking our decision?". If David Roberts is rethinking a decision, there is cause to worry. David looked at me with his best logical face and said "Adoption is the one thing that I am very sure about at this point in my life." He is pretty darn excited about the prospect of daughters. Evidence.

Today my friend, Melissa, called me and told me that she was getting rid of some of her daughter's baby clothes and God told her to pass on a special dress to me. This wasn't just any dress. This was a dress that she had bought in faith that God was going to give her a little girl to add to her brood of boys. Sure enough, just months later, her precious Jael was born. Though the pregnancy had been totally a surprise, Melissa has no doubt that this little girl was a special gift from God to her. I will be so honored to have that little dress hanging in the girls' closet. Her words: "God told me to pass it (the dress) on to you and watch what He will do in your life." Whoa! Evidence.

Do you need some evidence today? Maybe there is something in your life that you are truly hoping for, but you see no way that it will happen. Maybe you have a situation that requires "substance" from God to keep your hope alive. Faith is that evidence of things that you cannot yet see with your eyes. Hold on to your faith. He will bring the evidence.

I made our appointments for physicals that are required for our dossier, so we can make sure that nothing physical will keep us from being approved by China (they are truly strict about things like this). So please be in prayer that we pass with flying colors. We also should be receiving our agency paperwork packet and our fingerprint cards in the mail soon, so that we can really dive into the "paperwork trimester" :). I can assure you that I will never be so happy to be fingerprinted as I will this month! Please pray that this process will go as quickly and smoothly as possible, but also that we will not rush what God is using to prepare us. I am the most impatient person that I know, but it is in the waiting that one day the hindsight will be 20/20. We will look back and see where God used every moment to prepare us for the future.

I know I promised to keep my writing to a minimum, so forgive my excitement in having a blog. If I would have attended college, journalism probably would have been my first choice in a major. So it has been very hard not to give a play by play. I thank each and every one of you from the bottom of my heart for the support, for the kind words, and for your prayers. It is all so important to us and we are so happy to have you on this journey with us. Love you all.