Jessica Faith Update

Jessica Faith Update

Posted by Candace

So on my prayer list for the week, a request is written for an update on my precious daughters...with a tag line that says, "particularly from Jessica".

Today God answered this specific prayer.  I got an update.  I was sent 22 pictures and several videos from Jessica's orphanage.  My heart soared as these attachments started pouring into my email and I could not wait to open the pictures and the videos.  I am really not sure what I expected, but it wasn't the fear that smacked me full in the face as I was introduced to the faces of the people who have more than likely cared for Jessica since she was an infant.

Suddenly, I was sick inside from the thoughts that began to assault me.  How can we rip this precious girl from everything she's ever known?  How will we ever turn around and walk away from these gorgeous people who have raised our daughter?  How will we ever repay them?  How can we expect our 13 year old girl to cope with a new family that doesn't know her language...a new country a world away from China?  How in the world will any of this be okay?

Then that still small voice that continually keeps me sane spoke directly into my heart and asked, "Candace, are you going to walk by sight or by faith?"  See, as a mom, I want to read between the lines of every picture... I examine every aspect of them trying to understand everything that I can about our daughter.  I calculate every nuance of the face... I try to read the expressions and the body language...to somehow determine if my girl has been well cared for...if she is happy... if someday she might find it in her heart to love us.  I am trying to cling desperately to what I can see.  And all the while, Jesus is waiting for me to turn those wandering, fretting, motherly eyes on Him and look full in His wonderful face.

And you know what I see there?  I see a love so deep that I could never understand it... I see a God who has seen this precious child since before she was born... I see a Savior who is waiting on standby to work all things together for good when these girls come home.  When I finally remember to stay my eyes on Him, I remember that He is GOOD...that He never leaves...and that He has a plan.  I remember, as a sweet new friend reminded me today that I am not a savior, but He is...and He knows EXACTLY how to intertwine the hearts of this family that He is building. I remember what another friend texted me just a while ago, that this is about the GOSPEL...and our decision to bring this girl home has eternal significance.  And while I am gazing upon a God who gives so liberally and keeps so steadily, my heart is suddenly filled with faith.

So here I sit tonight, determined not to look away from the One who took us to China over a year ago and changed our lives into something more glorious than we ever could have imagined.  Would you join us in praying for the fragile heart of our sweet Jessica?  Because if anyone knows all that this transition will require, it is the One who ordained it from the beginning of time.

His Perfect Timing: A Story of Faith and Grace

His Perfect Timing: A Story of Faith and Grace

Posted by Candace

Wow.  Where do I even start?  I don't know what it is about me that makes me want to share everything that God does in my life, but for some reason I have been gifted in this way, so maybe some of you out there need to hear it.  Maybe some of you are being changed by our story.  I would love to hear about it.  I would love to know what legacy this family is leaving behind.  It makes life worthwhile every time I hear what God is doing through this journey.

December 12, 2012...or in other words, 12/12/12... I wondered why everyone was making such a big deal out of this day, but in the back of my mind, I wanted it to be a big deal for me too.  The only day ever to have 3 twelves in it.  Jesus had 12 disciples... I may eventually end up with 12 children :) (Don't freak out, Mamaw!)...12 month in a year.  12 has such a significance.  I thought that it ended up being a normal day in our lives, but it actually was anything BUT.  The other day, I looked back in the little journal that I keep of things that God has spoken to me and this is what I found under this specific date.

"'Go out from your land, your relatives, and your father's house to the land that I will show you.  I will make you a great nation, I will bless you, I will make your name great...and you will be a blessing.'" Gen. 12: 1-2 (I never realized this reference was so clearly confirming this Word until later 12:1-2  12/12)
(Here is what I had written under it) This Scripture jumped out at me tonight as though God was speaking these words directly to my heart.  The transition to Albany has been challenging, but I truly believe that God has us here for a purpose, whether for us or our kids.  This is the hope I will cling to through these first hard months. Love you, Jesus."

Ummm, yeah...He's alive.  My Savior lives and He continues to give the grace to walk by faith.  Naomi Grace and Jessica Faith are coming home on nothing but the TRUTH of our great God and what He will do when we step out and swim. 

When we began this process, we had just spent every last dime that we had to bring Kate home and move to Albany.  Not only that, but we had used our credit card to it's limit as well.  David and I both knew that this would be a test of faith, we just didn't know how big it would be.  We only realized about 2 weeks ago that we needed $14,000.00 to log our paperwork in China.  $14,000 all at once.  The mountain seemed insurmountable. 

On top of this, I really felt as if God was telling me not to fundraise and not to apply for grants.  I was on the verge of sending emails about a month ago to tell the story and to ask close friends and business associates for funds, and God said, "Don't do it. I want to provide this.  I want this to be glorifying to My Name."  Talk about some faith.  "So let me get this straight, God.  You want me to sit around and wait for You to drop $14,000.00 out of the sky."  That's about the jest of it. He confirmed this word through a book that I was reading at the time about Corrie Ten Boom and how she traveled the world for Jesus, never asking for a dime, and watching Him faithfully provide EVERY TIME.  Don't get me wrong... I have nothing against fundraising and grants and the like, but we all need to walk in obedience so that nothing impedes the Hand of God in our lives.

So friends would ask me how much we needed to log our paperwork and I would tell them sheepishly and hope they would not follow up with "well, what grants have you applied for?" or "When is your next fundraiser?" I would get almost sick when I thought about the consequences of not having this money when all our paperwork was finally ready.  We are on a serious time frame because Jessica ages out in November.  We have no room to play...  I floundered around and panicked in the waters of doubt...trying to cling to faith, but watching it slip away time after time. God would patiently grab on to me so my could catch my breath.  Finally, (a few days ago) I got to a point where I could say "Devil, my God will come through for me, but even if He doesn't, I am NOT bowing to doubt.  I will go down looking like a fool if that's what it takes to learn faith."

Our God is so gracious!  He knew all of this.  He saw my heart and He knows my deepest desire is to serve Him perfectly.  And by His grace through faith, I can stand here today without guilt or regret as He comes through once again.

Two days ago, David sat at a kitchen table praying for a specific check that was owed to Ascend to come in. The next day, the company emailed to say this check was on the way.  It arrived today.  After David and I spent an hour or so crunching numbers, we decided that this money was meant for this dossier log.  It will mean a little bit more faith that God will come through to pay some company bills, but we feel sure that He will meet every one of our debts in the near future.  Let me be clear...this is money that would NOT have been available under circumstances even a week ago when we did not have money in sight to meet our current obligations.  It came through the perfect circumstances and at the right time, which is why David and I agreed that God means it for this purpose.

I have all of my documents from Houston in my hand and I am waiting on one more from San Francisco that will probably arrive tomorrow...could God's timing be more perfect?  You can believe what you want... I believe MY GOD REIGNS.

Are You Swimming Yet?

Are You Swimming Yet?

Posted by Candace

This past week, Kate started swimming lessons with our precious friend, Emily Flynt.  Emily was our caseworker during our adoption process and instrumental in the moment I held my daughter for the first time.  It was absolutely fitting that she would be the one to teach her how to swim.

Water, even standing water, is a dangerous paradigm unless you know how to swim.  Once you are confident enough navigate it, however, it becomes far less of a threat.  Our goal in giving Kate swimming lessons at her young age was to keep her from drowning should she ever face a battle with water...very necessary since we now have a pool right in our back yard.

Kate was in a class with 2 other children a little bit older than her.  Day one was easy as pie and the kids just learned how to kick their legs while Emily held onto them.  You could see their attitude go from terror at the thought of having to "swim" to "I got this.  This is easy."  They were completely unaware of what was ahead and confident that they had learned to swim.  Day two, however, was underwater day.  Emily began to teach them how to hold their breath and go under the water.  This brought a variety of responses.  Most of them involved screaming, crying, and manipulating.  One little girl pleaded for her life using every technique she could think of.  All of the children, however, discovered their vice grip and used it on Emily.  She patiently pried them off amidst the cries and calmly put their faces under the water again.  Day three was mass hysteria... to the point that even I wanted to cry.  The kids were begging and pleading and screaming.  "Please, please don't put me underwater!!"  Yet every single one of them had learned to hold their breath properly and a millisecond before they were to go underwater, all hysteria would cease and they would do what they were being taught to do.

On day 3, I watched Kate carefully and realized that the issues that these kids were having was one of control.  Suddenly, they were not in control any longer and it didn't matter what they did, they were going under water whether they liked it or now.  It was also a trust issue.  They did not trust Emily (or anyone else for that matter) to not let them drowned.  There she was right beside them, ready to reach her hand out any minute and yet they panicked like the pool was completely empty.  When Emily would let Kate go and tell her to swim toward the wall of the pool (less than 2 ft away), as soon as Kate's head went under water, she was panicking and thrashing and trying to turn back around to grab Emily.  Day 4 was pretty much the same.  Though on this day, one of the little boys in Kate's class was swimming successfully every single time, but making such a racket in between that you would have thought he had almost drowned.  He was succeeding, but he didn't believe that he was.

Day 5, the final day of lessons, was an epiphany for Kate.  After a few tries of going underwater and thrashing around, it was suddenly as if a light bulb came on.  Her whole demeanor changed as Emily let her go underwater and swim toward me.  There was a peace in her body that I absolutely can explain no other way, but to say that she finally trusted the process.  She knew that if she obeyed the instructions that she was being calmly given, that Emily would make sure that she did not drown and she could swim.  And she did it!!!  I can't even tell you how incredible it was to watch the change in front of my very eyes.

As I was sitting in church this morning, God brought Kate's swimming lessons to my mind.  You see, He is teaching me how to swim.  Learning the faith walk is so incredibly like what I witnessed last week.  And I have been thrashing around this week, panicked, wanting nothing but to turn around and go back to the "safe" place in the water.  I am scared to death to believe and I am scared to death not to believe.  We need a ridiculous amount of money to even log our paperwork next week to begin the process to bring my girls home.  If I told you the amount, your mouth would drop.  And yet, the Holy Spirit has said, "Wait on Me. I will provide."  I am thrashing and panicking in these waters of pure faith, tempted to do anything but wait.  Almost sick to my stomach when I really think about the depth of what we are believing God for.  What if He doesn't come through?  What if we look like fools?  What if God disappoints us?  Just being honest with where my mind has tried to go this week.  If you could see to the inside of me, you would see the panicked face that Kate wore as Emily let go of her for the first time.

Sweet friends, we have two choices...we can learn to swim or we can sit outside the pool and watch everyone else swim.  I want to learn to swim and that means letting go of ALL of the doubts and realizing that my Savior is standing right beside me waiting to grab me when there is danger and cheer me on when I am finally getting it right.  I don't just want to swim like the boy who still believed with all his heart that he was in danger...all the while swimming.  I want to swim with the pure peace that Kate had when she finally realized that it was okay and she could do it.  I want to swim fully trusting in my Instructor...knowing that obeying His every Word is the only way I will every swim successfully.

What about you?  If you are in the pool of Christ, are you swimming?  Are you sitting on the side and watching everyone else?  Are you holding on to Jesus with terror and a vice grip that says, "Don't let me go under water!"?  Or have you learned the kind of faith that has you happily kicking around, maybe even teaching other how to do it?  That's the kind of faith that I am striving for.  I hope I am closer to day five than to day one.

Spankings from God

Spankings from God

Posted by Candace

"No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it."  -Hebrews 12:11

Where do I even begin?  The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of chasing down paperwork for our adoption and believe it or not, through this, I have learned a lot about myself and about my level of surrender and trust.  Things have not gone as planned...not one time...and my faith has been tested to its limits.  I now realize that God has been babying me with grace for much of my Christian life.  My habits of laziness, of rushing ahead foolhardily into things, of overlooking details or wishing they would go away, of distrust, of impatience, they have for a long time been bathed in grace.  God allowed me a good bit of leeway in my areas of weakness and I fully took advantage of it.

So what changed?  I found myself asking God that very question this week.  For one thing, my level of submission has changed.  He has my "yes".  With that "yes" comes a whole new deeper level of relationship, and some difficult new lessons.  He is teaching me to not only completely trust Him, but to trust His timing as well.  He is preparing me to walk into things that will require complete and sometimes intricate obedience and a level of trust that I obviously do not have at this moment.

Last week, I came to Atlanta prepared to complete our paperwork that needs to be sent to China for our adoption.  This is called a dossier.  It is the second level of paperwork in international adoption.  the first level is the home study.  The home study consists of the state that you live in researching your background, your healthy, your finances, your parenting ability, etc and then writing a nice little 10 page report to state their findings.  This is only one piece of the dossier.  There are about 13 pieces of official paperwork sent in a China dossier and several other unofficial pieces.  Each official piece of paperwork must be notarized, then that notarized document must be authenticated at the county level, and then that county level authentication must be authenticated again at the state level.  Once that is all completed, it has to be sent to the Chinese consulate to have a final stamp of approval before it goes to China.  So there are 4 steps to securing every piece of this dossier and China expects perfection down to the letter.  Sounds easy enough, right?  Just find a notary to notarize all 13 pieces and you are set... only each piece must be notarized at the place where it is signed.  So your medicals will be notarized at your doctor's office, your professional letters at your employer's office, your criminal record letters at the sheriff's office, etc.  This means more than likely you will end up with notaries from several different counties that will have to be authenticated at these different counties clerk of court before they go to the Secretary of States office in Atlanta (at least that is how it works in Georgia).

Since we recently made the move to Albany, my paperwork was all over the place.  I had notaries from several different counties, so lots of legwork to get done.  Not only that, but up until May 7th, we had hoped to reuse our dossier already in China and just add the updated home study...no such luck.  May 7th came and went and suddenly I was faced with putting together an entire packet ASAP as we made the lock on Jessica's file...knowing that she will age out in November.  Can I just tell you that this freaks me out???  I don't like the pressure of deadlines that I cannot meet on my own.  My trust of God's timing has been hugely tested and I have failed over and over again this past week.  I want my paperwork done and I want it done NOW!  Can I just be honest and say that I have not wanted God's timing on this... I have wanted mine.   God's might be that we get Jessica the day before she ages out and that just completely freaks me out to go into a process like this and have to trust to the very last day.  Okay, God... I'll trust you as long as all our approvals are here like 2 months before we have to be there, so I don't have to work at trusting you anymore after that...right?  I have some major rebellion popping up here... just being honest.

So the last thing I wanted was to be faced with notaries that could not notarize properly...twice... a frustrated government employee that didn't want to work late... a birth certificate that the county had not certified when I went out of my way to pick it up (on that trip I went to the completely wrong address on the GPS and it ended up being 22 miles from the right one)...and multiple mistakes in paperwork that meant starting back at step 1 when I had already finished step 3.  In two weeks I have made 1 trip to the Lee Co Courthouse, 1 trip to the Dougherty Co Sheriff's Dept, 1 trip to the Dougherty Co jail, 2 trips to the Walton Co Sheriffs office, 2 trips to the Walton Co courthouse, 2 trips to the Gwinnett Co courthouse, and 3 trips to the Secretary of State's office in Atlanta...security guards everywhere recognize me.  None of these places are exactly within walking distance, so no, it has not been fun at all.  In the midst of it, however, God showed up in ways that said "My timing is perfect".  He had a woman, who was only filling in for lunch at one of the courthouses, authenticate our docs who had known my husband in high school.  Her name is now on our adoption documents.  He had me bring docs to church to be notarized that ended up being prayed over in Sunday School.  He sent specific songs into my life at just the right moment just to remind me He is in control.  In the midst of chaos and mistakes that I will never be able to figure out the "Whys" behind, it has been so obvious that His Hand of discipline has been on me.  I am learning grace...through faith.  "Grace through faith" is a whole lot different from "grace because I am a milk loving Christian".  I am being forced to grow up in Him...like that eagle pushing her eaglets out of the nest when they are ready to fly... 

And my attitude has been crap.  It has stunk.  After every brick wall, I have fought and cried.  I yelled a whole story the other day at David over the phone and then "boohoo"ed into his shoulder this morning when more mistakes meant more trips.  I have been so angry I could scream, so disappointed I could sob, and so sick of papers that I could throw up.  I pulled up today on my 3rd trip to the parking garage attached to the Floyd West Tower in Atlanta where the Secretary of States Election Division sits on the 8th floor (Step 3 for the dossier papers) only to be alerted by an email that another mistake had been spotted and I must start over on 2 pieces of paperwork.  I heard the enemy so loudly in my head "That's it!!!!!  I'm not doing this anymore.  I quit!  I'm just going to go home to Albany and throw this paperwork into the pool."  I was throwing quite a temper tantrum inside my head when God AGAIN for the 25th time in two weeks said "Candace, my timing is perfect.  Why won't you trust me?"  And I realized that as much as I harp on trusting God...as much as people think that I do trust God... all it takes is a few brick walls and I am back to relying on this physical world...on what I can see and touch and feel.  Yet NONE OF THIS...NOTHING HERE ON THIS EARTH has ever done for me what my Savior has done.  He is completely reliable....He is eternally faithful....He is the only thing worth depending on.  There is nothing else...NOTHING ELSE...to place trust in.

I finally think that a bit of this lesson has made its way through a crack in my thick skull.  I know that my God is faithful.  I know that He is gently teaching me how to trust Him more.  I know that He holds the perfect plan and that I would never want to make my own edits to it.  Talk about authenticated!!  He is the REAL THING.

So when I go to the Gwinnett Co courthouse for the 3rd time tomorrow and the Secretary of State's office for the 4th time...as I am driving those 40 or so miles from one place to another, I will pray with all my heart that this is the last time I will have to visit these places, but I will also rest assured in my heart that even if it isn't...His timing is perfect.

First Letter to My Daughter

First Letter to My Daughter

Posted by Candace

We received our preapproval for Jessica Faith this morning.  For all those who don't know, a preapproval from China is kinda like what you get for a loan.  You give them an overview of your info and based on that, they decide whether to let you continue in the adoption process for the child you are requesting.  Our preapproval for Jessica Faith meant something else as well!!  We are able to attempt to correspond through organizations in China that are set up to help families do so.  As soon as I received this document I ordered a cake for her and am sending her photos of our family.  Though I'm sure this news will carry some fear with it, it is still something worth celebrating, right??? 

I also sent her a letter.  So out of my comfort zone on this... how do you minister to your 13 year old child whom you have never met and lives half a world away.  How do I comfort the fears of the unknown?  How do I convey how much I long to hold her and wipe away any tears that might come with this news, whether of joy or sorrow?  I want to be there NOW, but only my words can travel there.  Hopefully the Holy Spirit will saturate her with every one of these words and she will feel the truth of them.

"Dearest Xiao Qi,

How do I even begin this letter?  How does a mother introduce herself to her daughter?  I will do my best.  You have a Mom and a Dad.  We are finally going to be together, and yet I know that this must make you sad and scared.  You have never been to America…you have never met the people who are coming to get you…the ones you will call “Mom” and “Dad”.  It makes me scared and sad too, because I know that you must love your foster family and your school and your friends.  I know that you will probably not understand our language and that we will have to get used to each other.  Can I also tell you, though, how excited that we are?  We are so excited, Xiao Qi, because God has placed such a love for you in us… we love you with all our hearts…and we know that love will make these sad and scary things a little bit easier.

We want to make a promise to you.  We will love you as our very own daughter for the rest of your life.  We will teach you our language and our customs and we will let you teach us yours.  We will take care of you, give you a home, an education, brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and grandmothers and grandfathers.  We will show you America and we think that you will love it.  We will give you an American name to add to your Chinese one…we would like it to be Jessica Faith.  Jessica means “God sees” because God has been watching and protecting you since the day you were born… Faith because the path that will bring us together will take much faith.

Please do not be afraid, sweet girl.  So many people here love you and are waiting for you to come home to us.  I cannot imagine how scary it might be to be promised to a family that you do not know, but I promise you that we will walk this scary road together.  You will never be alone again.  You now have a Mom and Dad, 2 brothers (Jordan is 12 and Nathan is 10), and 2 sisters (Kate is 3 and Naomi Grace is 2 and is waiting in China for us like you are).

I would like to thank your foster family with all my heart for loving you these 13 years and taking care of you until God could bring us together.  He has an incredible plan for your life, my sweet daughter…and your dad and I and your brothers and sisters are privileged to be a part of it.

We love you,

 

Mom (and Dad, Jordan, Nathan, Kate, and Naomi Grace)"

 

Please pray with us that we might get a response, since this letter will be delivered with a self addressed stamped envelope. :)

Meet Jessica Faith...

Meet Jessica Faith...

Posted by Candace

Our first adoption journey was all about hope...we hoped that God really had promised us a daughter...we hoped that our paperwork would all get done in a timely fashion...we hoped that the process really did work the way that they said it did...we hoped that we had not seriously just screwed up our lives. God really did help us walk a path of hope.

We knew our next sweet girl would be named Naomi Grace.  And sure enough the path God set in front of us was full of grace... He gave grace for us to make the decision to adopt again...grace for us to see this precious little one and say "yes" even when we felt very little emotionally...grace to secure Naomi's referral even though we missed the deadline...grace to have once again a baby girl waiting on us in China.

Yet something did not feel right.  I know our walk with God is not based on feelings, but David and I had been ready for the hard...we had syked ourselves up for it.  We were ready to take on giants and it just seemed as if God had given midgets.  We were surprised and even a little disappointed...

So God added faith lessons to our journey.  One day I was scrolling through Facebook and I came across a girl named "Jolie". 

 

This beautiful girl will age out of the system in China in November due to her age.  I sent a message to the lady who had posted her picture and asked for more info, but never got a response.  Although there was still a prick in my spirit, I let it go and went on with life, until one day, in the car, on the way home from Bible Study, the boys reminded me.  "We want an older sister." they said, "Why can't you adopt an older sister from China?"  Now I was completely taken aback because up to this point the boys had not exactly been on the "continuing adoption" train.  I mean, they love Kate and all, but they wanted off at the next station.  So for this to come out of their mouths, God was speaking.  "How about a 13 year old?"  I asked.  "Yes! Yes! We want her to be older."  So much for my grand plans to not displace my birth order (don't ever tell God you "wouldn't ever" do something).

I went back to Facebook (you know, that horrible time waster that makes you look like a bad mom if you are ever on #rantover) and messaged a woman that I thought might know about this girl.  Within 5 minutes she had found the woman who had spent over a year advocating for this girl and I had her whole file in my inbox.  Talk about heartbreaking... "Jolie" has been in the system since she was 3 days old.  She was found near the drain of a military barracks as an infant.  A few months later she was placed into foster care where she sits 12 years later waiting on a family.  "Jolie" has a problem with her left leg that is diagnosed as far as I can tell as severe hip dysplasia.  She was born at a time when the "special needs" program was nearly non-existent because of the normal of healthy baby girls that needed families.  By the time the "special needs" program was popular enough, "Jolie" was too old to receive a family quickly. 

Within a few days, we were calling this girl Jessica Faith.  I looked up the definition of Jessica and it means "God beholds" or "God sees".  God's had His eye on this precious one since the beginning of time.

We didn't lock her file immediately because we were still trying to reuse our dossier in China and normally they will only let you do that for one referral.  Our agency's team in China, however, thought they might make an exception since she is aging out.  Our date for reuse came on May 7th and left us ready to make an important decision.  Would we follow God in total faith...faith that we can manage 5 kids...faith that He will handle the transition of this older child...faith that He will provide the money to bring home both of our girls...faith that He can do the impossible in messed up people like us?  Some of you are clucking your tongue and thinking "Why mess up a good thing? Stop while you're ahead."  Some of you might be thinking "But that's crazy...how will you handle two at once?  How will you teach her? What if she has emotional issues?  Have you totally lost your minds?"  Some of you may be thinking, "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into.  Kate was easy.  You can't expect something that good the second time around."  You know what?  I have had all those exact same thoughts... EXACT ones...then I stopped thinking and started praying.  Jesus has our "yes".  And with that "yes" comes provision for anything and everything we will ever do in obedience to Him.

We asked God to open up the doors and to lead the way if this was His Will...and guess what, the doors stayed open.  We took a chance, by not locking Jessica's file right away, that someone else would lock it.  The precious lady who spent time advocating and praying for Jessica messaged me one day and said that 3 families had inquired after the file and one was serious.  She asked me if we were still intent on locking it and what she should tell these families.  I told her that we had placed this girl in God's Hands and whatever He wanted for Jessica is what we wanted too so she should give them whatever they needed to make their decision.  I was surprisingly disappointed as I said it, not realizing how attached I had gotten...but His Will, not mine.  The next day her name popped up on my Facebook screen and my heart pounded in my chest as I opened the message, expecting that it would be to inform me that the other family was taking her.  I simply could not imagine anyone saying "no" to this file.  But these people did...and they did because Jessica is our daughter.  When she was born Nov. 2, 1999, almost exactly a year after David and I were married and almost a year before Jordan was born, God already knew she was ours...and somehow over time, He prepared us...and we believe He is preparing her.

I don't have the answer to the questions...I just know that locking her file today was obedience to Christ and I cannot wait to see what He does with Jessica's life.  I am so entirely privileged to be her mom...to be the one who will grieve with her as she makes the transition away from everything she's ever know... to be the one who will teach her a new language and new country... to be the one who will take her shopping and buy her new clothes... to be the one who will watch her graduate, maybe go to college, and maybe one day get married... to be the grandmother to her children... to be the one making up for lost time every day until my life or her life is over on this earth...and most of all to be the one to show her faith and introduce her to her Savior who has been watching intently all along.

Grace falls like rain on this house...and lately, faith moves mountains.

 

Will He Really Do It Again?

Will He Really Do It Again?

Posted by Candace

This past weekend was one where God showed up big time.  He did things that blew my mind in an arena that I tend to forget that He even cares about.  And turns out I needed it because today a hurricane hit with force that is doing its best to knock us over.

Besides my jobs as wife, mom, teacher, housekeeper, financial manager, scheduling assistant, chauffeur, etc... I am an admin assistant for a non-profit group of small business owners called NextGen Technology Group.  These technology/telecommunications business owners are from different parts of the country, but they meet twice a year for two days of mindsharing sessions.  I am in charge of planning these events from choosing the hotel to booking the meals to producing the agenda.  I have been doing this for about 4 years now, so I am not exactly a novice, but sometimes I am faced with very challenging circumstances for planning.  The event that we just finished was no cake walk.  The location the group had chosen was Tampa, Florida...the dates needed to be in late March or early April.  Nothing like planning a meeting in a warm location during Spring Break season.

I spent literally 2 months trying to come up with something that would somewhat fit our meeting budget.  I hit a brick wall at every turn.  Nothing!  At least nothing that wouldn't cost our members around $300 a night.  I was just about to give up and accept the wrath that would follow when I decided to add this problem to my prayer list.  Why did I make prayer my last resort??  I keep asking myself the same question.  When will I learn?  I know that God cares about EVERY. THING. that affects me, but can I just be honest and say that as I wrote out the words to ask for a meeting location, I had nothing but doubt in my heart.  Me... Anxiety/Panic girl who went to China for two weeks...who is daily upheld by the Holy Spirit in teaching my children...who now lives in Albany, GA for no other reason but God sent us here... Why do I continue to let doubt in?

You can probably guess what happened next... God was faithful.  Shocker!!!!  The next week I ran across a resort in Tampa that is actually just getting started in corporate events.  The contact there gave me a $99 per night rate for 1 bedroom suites (more like a condo) all with completely gorgeous views of the bay... I cannot even tell you the last time that we have had that kind of rate.  I was actually a little afraid that, despite the pictures, I might be sending my people to a dump.  More doubt.  My contact sent me the food menus to choose my meals...everything was under $10 a person.  To give you perspective, we often pay $20-25 per person for breakfast and $30-50 per person for lunch.  This is just pretty much the norm at a 3 to 4 star hotel these days for catering.  Again, I cringed as I thought about the tongue lashing I might receive when our guest were eating ziti that tasted like cardboard.  Doubt, doubt, doubt. 

I am really embarrassed to admit that as we drove down to Tampa, I prayed hard that we were not going to pull into a converted Motel 8.  As David contacted one of our partners who had arrived on site, I held my breath as I tried to read the conversation from David's side.  When he got off the phone, he turned and looked at me and said, "Joe says the place is amazing."  Can you just hear the breath that whooshed out of my chest?  And Joe was right.  We stayed right on the bay.  Our meals were served on the pool deck.  The rooms had magnificent views and were spacious enough for the 5 of us to spread out.  We were given star treatment and I had not one complaint from anyone in our group while we were there.  The food was catered in by an outside service and not only was it absolutely delicious, but my contact just passed the bill onto me without an upcharge or anything (I advised him that he needed to upcharge in the future...that man worked hard for us the entire event).  Many of you probably already read my status about how we had ridiculous amounts of leftovers that ended up feeding some of the Hispanic staff on site.  Jesus is SOOOO good at planning a party!!!  We had dinner at a restaurant next to the resort that actually sat ON the water.  In the middle of dinner, we all watched at a wall of glass as two dolphins swam by in the sunset.  It was absolutely magnificent.

 

As we drove home I was completely overwhelmed with thankfulness that even when we are not so full of faith, He is faithful.  I came home on Cloud 9 at what God had done throughout the event.  We had a fabulous Sunday with some really great new friends and more proof of God's faithfulness.  As the choir lifted us to the heavens in worship, I closed my eyes for a second and really thought I might be in heaven.  If you have never heard the Sherwood Choir, you just have never heard glory on earth ;).  It is amazing...(and yes, this is a shameless plug for the impending release of "Jesus, Hope of the World"  You have to get it)  Definitely a mountaintop weekend...

So I should have expected the attack...been prepared for it even...but it came with a vengeance this morning.  The enemy is raging...RAGING.  And we are being tested...David and I and this family that we are building.  We are being told to stand and to wait and to believe when nothing we see with our eyes gives us any reason to obey those commands.  We are being pushed to the brink of disaster...and I truly believe that it is to reveal and refine and set us free from the doubt that still hides in our heart.  In the midst of all of this, our Bible Study lesson this week was "How to Replace Doubt..." Next week's lesson is "With Faith"  Appropriate.  Divinely Timed.  Ordained from the Foundation of the World.  I have spent the day refusing to believe anything less about God than what He has promised.  The fight against doubt is painful and exhausting, but He renews our strength through prayer, through worship, and through His Word.  We are helpless against doubt without His help...and make no mistake, it comes to rule us.  To rule our actions and our decisions and our emotions.

I am determined to stop insulting God by doubting his faithful provision, aren't you?  As the three Hebrews in the furnace once said "Our God will deliver us, but even if He doesn't, we still aren't caving!"

Thanks be to our God who is never caught off guard by circumstances.  We are in absolutely no danger because God has ALWAYS been faithful.  YES. Be encouraged! He will do it again.  And when He does, I will come tell you about it. 

For Your Glory and Your Renown.