Song of the Princess

Song of the Princess

Posted by Candace

As we continue to await our final travel approval so that we can go get little princess, Kate, our world has lost 2 other princesses this week. These sweet babies have gone to see the King and I felt the need to post today in their honor.

Princess Laura Winstanley was a young 7 years old and battled throughout her lifetime with severe handicap. I only ever saw her from afar and never got to meet her, but I look forward to one day soon when we are introduced in heaven. I have heard tales of her smile, of her bravery, of her influence even in the face of death. She was dearly loved by the Orchard church, and we will be privileged with celebrating her life on Easter Sunday...the same day that we celebrate the risen Savior that is now holding her totally healed body in His arms. Laura's songs will surely stream from heaven into the hearts of those who love her.

Princess Piper Needham was also 7 years old when she journeyed to heaven this week. She fought leukemia for several years before it finally claimed her life. I have only ever read the faith filled words of her mother on a blog, but I was struck at the specialness of this little girl. She was an inspiration to everyone who met her. Her mother held her right until the end. I simply cannot bring myself to imagine feeling the life drain out of my child. This brave family is left to face days that can only be walked through by leaning desperately on the Comforter. Their daughter will surely sing over them often from heaven.

As incredibly heartbreaking as these ending are... it also means a new beginning for these little girls. No longer will their bodies struggle through each day, no longer will they require medicine or wheelchairs or doctors or hospitals, no longer will they suffer in pain and sickness. They have been made thoroughly and wonderfully whole. I picture them singing and dancing together, every now and then making sure that Jesus is taking care of their loved ones. They are running the streets of gold with flowers in their hair, racing to see who can reach Jesus first. They are without tears or pain or suffering of any kind. And I imagine that these two sweet princesses are great friends. Their voices entwine as they sing songs of comfort over the ones they left behind. If you listen closely you will hear them.

Very little in this life really matters. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. None of us are guarateed health. All of us are dying...some of us slower than others, but we are all racing toward eternity. Where will we spend it? What can we take with us? What will we leave behind? What kind of legacy are we building? It is wise for us to not only answer these questions, but also to reevaluate the answers. How are we spending our time?...because it is limited...whether we think about it or not on a daily basis, we only have so many moments on this earth. It is never too late...you are never too young or too old...to begin anew. And you are never too disabled to make a difference. These sweet princesses have been living examples of that.

Lord, help me to make use of every moment I am given...not spending it on my own pleasure, but giving my life to further Your Kingdom.

Closer to the Finish Line and More Revelations

Closer to the Finish Line and More Revelations

Posted by David Roberts

I meant to post last week and never seemed to catch up after a long couple weeks with trips to Dallas and San Diego. After getting reasonably caught up and finishing up some tests tonight, I figured I would give this post a chance. Sort of feeling down tonight after a super tough day capped off by my failing of my first test (by 1 point) at LRU since the beginning of this degree program. Keeping my 4.0 GPA right now seems a distant hope. We shall see.

So last week was an unusual week in our adoption process for me specifically. We did our travel planning call with Emily and then I headed out to San Diego in the following days. Emily mentioned a seminar at her church on Facebook and I got in the conversation. We spoke the following day she mentioned a book to me entitled "Before You Were Mine" by Susan Tebos and Carissa Woodwyk. Typically my undiagnosed ADD keeps me from long and sustained periods of reading, which is pretty disappointing. However, my new Kindle Fire has given me hope. Long story short, I read the entire book that Emily recommended in 4 hours on the flight out and 3 hours on the flight back. That has never happened before. So what was it that was so amazing about this book? In a nutshell it is about Lifebook's. These are basically the story of your adopted child prior to you bringing them into your life. As I read the first few chapters, I was pretty frustrated hearing about other families who told their child's story pre-adoption with great detail including birth parents, stories, etc. What exactly would we write about Kate given her history. She had no history, right? Well, then it happened and I can feel it all over again just telling the story. The authors use an example of a Chinese girl who was abandoned from the very beginning... Wow - who knew there were almost identical stories out there to that of Kate's. So as the flight attendants passed repeatedly, I just kept asking for more drinks because they would give me more napkins with each serving. I was in the middle seat with 2 guys on either side and I was a total wreck crying on a plane reading my Kindle about Lifebook's. The constant revelations about this process just continue to come to both Candace and I. What was initially a seemingly simple process of bringing an at risk little girl to a stable home environment has opened up to be a life changing event. I find myself constantly getting new revelations routinely about this process. At one time I found myself last week wishing I could go back to the boys early days to make them better, realizing I am infinitely more informed these days about what my kids need from me. This book was teaching me things I never had even considered. How do we teach our children to honor their birth parents regardless of the circumstances? What is our role as God's hand's extended to our children? How do we best exemplify that model? How do we come alongside our children every step of the way through their life? How do we put ourselves in the position of the birth parents and go through the struggle they must have agonized about? Amazing questions that I had to admit were considered very little if any in my parental past.

The book was amazing and just reading about the amazing stories of these children worldwide prior to their adoption experiences was pretty tough. Realizing that God found a way to rescue so many of them while still giving them an identity right in the middle of all that horrible stuff was amazing. I had to tell friends of ours last week in San Diego repeatedly that for every blessing we might be pouring out on Kate, we truly feel like we get 100 blessings in return. To date, there are few things in my life that have affected me to this level. I sincerely hope this is only the beginning of the transformation and I look forward to shepherding both Kate as well as Jordan and Nathan in ways I never imagined. What an amazing privilege we have as parents if we could just ever wake up and realize how important the process really is.

Grain, New Wine, Olive Oil...and Lice???

Grain, New Wine, Olive Oil...and Lice???

Posted by Candace

I know, I know...very odd title for a blog post. Bet you won't ever find another one like it, but it will all make sense if you make it to the end (at least it will make more sense than it does now).

Emily tells us that we are about 2 weeks out from our travel approval. That approval means we can officially book our trip, so it won't be long now.

In the meantime, God is digging deep in me, preparing me for our daughter. He has promised that she will be bringing much joy with her and I am excited to begin this new chapter in our lives. We are having to press through difficulties and I now see what I was warned of in the beginning. The enemy hates adoptions and he does not let them take place without a fight. For some it is financial problems or problems with vehicles or jobs. For us, among other things, it has been lice. Yes, you heard me correctly. We were invaded with the little creatures...all of us but my bald husband. After much, and at times loud, discussion, David shaved Jordan and Nathan's heads to make sure there was no chance of reinfestation. I jokingly commented that he had probably planted the lice, because he had been begging the boys to follow his "baldness" lead. He offered to shave mine and sadly, as freaked out as I was, I almost let him, but my hair dresser came to the rescue. She sweetly came over (after she emphatically told me NOT to shave my head) and cut my hair and picked it clean of the little boogers.

As weird as this may sound, I think I heard God say that the lice were a blessing in disguise. As crazy as that sounds...and believe me, after about 20 loads of laundry, vacumming, spraying, bagging, and picking, it sounds pretty crazy... I began to think about how quickly the enemy can infiltrate our minds with lies and wrong thoughts and how believing those thoughts causes them to multiply. Pretty soon we are infested with lies, just as my hair was infested with lice. When we begin to confront this infestation, it is overwhelming and requires patience. It also requires the right tools. I tried to use a comb to pull lice out of Jordan's hair, but it didn't do a thing. When I used the metal lice comb, it started to pull everything out. The Word of God is like a "lie comb". It exposes and eradicates every lie of the devil, but sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes we have to be persistent and radical if we want to see real, true change in our lives. We must not give up, because as soon as we do, a reinfestation will occur. Right now, not only am I consistently checking my hair for lice, I am just as often checking my mind for lies of the enemy. I want to eradicate every single one!

This morning, my devotional led me to Joel 2 where I read this Scripture. "Look, I am about to send you grain, new wine, and olive oil. You will be satiated with them, and I will no longer make you a disgrace among the nations." Don't ask me why, but this passage spoke to my deep into my spirit. In Biblical times, grain, new wine, and oil were signs of abundance and prosperity. When they showed up, the famine was over and it was time to celebrate. But in order to get from famine to grain, wheat must be threshed. In order to get from famine to new wine, grapes must be crushed. In order to get from famine to olive oil, olives must be pressed. Threshed, crushed, and pressed...it's what we must go through if we really want our lives to reflect the abundance of Christ. Sure, we can accept Christ as Savior and then hide from anything hard and live mediocre lives with one foot in the world and one foot in the Kingdom...and I would know, because I have. Or we can walk forward with Christ one moment at a time, going through the threshing, the crushing, and the pressing to the other side where abundance overtakes us. Anyone who truly follows Christ will go through this process, some of us thick skulled ones more than once. Why? Because in order to do anything great for the Kingdom, in order to really follow Christ, we must know that we know that we know that our very life depends on Him. We must lean on Christ the solid Rock and nothing else. We must wake up desperate for Him and we must go to bed thankful that He showed up and led us through the day. The path that He has for us requires this kind of total trust and dependency...the kind that only comes in days when we have to run to Him for survival. We say that we want to trust God fully, but are we willing to walk in the days that are required to learn trust? Are we willing to sometimes take steps that feel like walking off a cliff, but are actually walking right into His arms? Are we willing to stand out from the world, be labeled "fanatic", and be misunderstood? If we are, the rewards are great.

So there is alot of threshing, crushing, pressing, and lie eradicating going on over here. It sounds easier than it is, but it's gonna be worth it. On the other side, there is grain, new wine, oil, and freedom from lies... and that is what keeps me going on most days. And even in the middle of going through the hard stuff, the Savior speaks loudly, bringing hope and peace, cheering us on. God is with us... He is here...right now.

If this is the oddest post that you have ever read, I totally understand... :) What a mom Kate is blessed with! lol.

Keep pouring your prayers on us! We are desperate for them.

Exchanging Worry for the Word!

Exchanging Worry for the Word!

Posted by Candace

So we are in the very last stages of our waiting game. Starting to feel like I have been pregnant for 2 years. David and I are both ready for this transition to begin. We just have to wait for the travel approval and then book the trip. It's almost time.

I'm not gonna lie... I am more scared than excited. Probably just because it is one of my huge weaknesses to fear the unknown. Waiting has been safe for me. We have a daughter in China and the idea of that without the work has been like a dream. Truth is I have no idea what to expect and no idea how this will change our lives. I would probably feel the same things if I was pregnant right now, but at least I would have an idea of how everything would work out. People respond to us like we are saints, but I feel the farthest thing from a saint when I find myself worrying about how this little girl will affect our "safe" and semi "normal" family. Those are less than saintly thoughts. It's kinda like when you are pregnant with your 2nd child and you constantly wonder how you will ever love them as much as you do the one you have already. Don't get me wrong, I love Kate. You can hear it in my voice when I talk about her and see it in my face when her name is mentioned... it's just that none of this is a piece of cake. I'm glad that it isn't, but I also wrestle with the part of me that hates large changes. If there was ever a battle going on between flesh and spirit, it is going on right in this very home. I am learning right here and now to draw nearer to the only One who has the plan. He alone knows how all of this looks on the other side and I am realizing once again how very much I need Him and how very much I have allowed the distractions of this world to pull me away from Him. The funny thing about all my concerns and fears is that even when one of them happens to come to pass, He is always right there holding my hand and making everything okay. I want so much not to worry any more! The worry is always more traumatizing than any circumstance that actually happens. He told me yesterday that the only way to peace is through a deep commitment to His Word. We have to exchange our worry habit for a Word habit. It is our daily Bread. It heals, it restores, it sets free. If we will only submit ourselves to that and quit trying to find freedom any other way, we will soon see the life of It springing up into us. "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

So keep us in your prayers in the days and months to come. We need every one of them. Thank you so much for supporting and for loving us!

The Faith of Adoption

The Faith of Adoption

Posted by Candace

I just finished a book called "Silent Tears: A Journey of Hope in a Chinese Orphanage". It is the journal of a woman who lived in China for 4 years and volunteered at a local orphanage. Needless to say, it was heart-wrenching. She speaks of conditions that would cause most of us to turn our backs because we simply could not watch. She details her experiences of the overwhelming need of the children to just experience human touch. These are children that are not held or rocked or sang to...who receive cold baths and frigid conditions (even inside) in the winter and battle heat and bugs in the summer... who share bottles and bowls of rice because there is not enough to go around and often pass illnesses like cattle. These are children who would thrive in loving families, but waste away because of deformities or imperfections.

I have had several people question why we didn't adopt locally when there are so many children in our own backyard that need families. My answer has been that China is where God led us, but even as I said it, I felt a certain sense of guilt... NO MORE! The needs of these international children are just as great, if not greater then those in America. The conditions I read of would have caused national crisis and attention here in the states and resolved quickly, while this woman worked 4 years to put a dent in the care of these children with fundraising and the like, and still ended up resigning her post because she just could not deal with seeing children die that could have been saved.

As you can imagine, this book hit a personal nerve, and after I was done I wondered if I even should have read it. But I know that it was placed in front of me for a reason. I will now pray harder for our Kate... I will be more committed than ever to go get her... and I will be the first one to offer infinite hugs and kisses and touches to our little girl. If anything can make up for the 2 years of pain and abandonment she has already faced, we will do it!

Yes, adoption has been a arduous journey of waiting. Yes, adoption has been an expensive journey. Yes, adoption is a more difficult way of adding to a family. But not because of these things, you know why it is more challenging? Because it requires FAITH. Faith that God will provide funds, faith that He will provide the child that belongs to you, faith that He will actively work in the process step by step, faith that He will be amazingly present with your child until you can bring him or her home for good. Yes, adoption is a calling. But before you let yourself off the hook...it is a calling for ALL of us to care for widows and orphans...it is even what James calls "True Religion". Not everyone has a desire to adopt a child, but as adopted children of Christ, we should ALL have a desire to do SOMETHING. So as a passionate mom waiting on her little girl, I ask you to examine your life, your priorities, your giving, your faith... where are you helping the 147 million orphans waiting for love? Are you just assuming that someone is taking care of them? Maybe God wants to take care of them through you. Maybe He wants to take care of them through some of the resources that He has give you. Definitely He wants to take care of them through your awareness, your prayers, and your voice. Will you become a part of the solution? If you can only help just one, will you do it? Don't ignore the urgings inside of you for a more comfortable or easy life. Let the Holy Spirit interfere with your 5 and 10 year goals, and then watch as He works right before your eyes! I promise, it will be worth it!

"Eye has not seen and ear has not heard what God has in store for those who love Him."

She's Ours!

She's Ours!

Posted by Candace

So I received the call today right before David and I left on a 6 hour wine tour with the people on the trip we are on. I was very anxious about touring the vineyards, just because I am always anxious about anything I have never done before and "caves" had been mentioned :). As soon as Emily's number popped up, I knew. Tears came to my eyes before I answered the phone. Emily said, "Well, we got your letter." I lost it. Crying in a lobby full of people and trying to pull it together enough to talk to Emily, I could barely believe that the letter we had waited over 90 days for had finally come. And with it, a guarantee that Kate is our daughter!! She is our daughter! The enemy has no power over her life any longer! She will belong to us and we believe that she will also belong to Christ.

With this journey has come much waiting, but we have also battled. Since we got Kate's preapproval letter, the enemy has come against us with full forces. He started by trying to convince me that I was not a good mother. I almost believed him...HA! He has brought all kinds of fears, all kinds of worries, all kinds of lies about God not being big enough. Well, HEAR ME, DEVIL! You are finished! Christ is Lord of the Roberts' family and that now includes Katherine Hope. You stinkin' liar! You have to leave us alone. Yes, I am fighting mad! Maybe you don't believe in spiritual warfare, but we wrestle with principalities and powers....and we WIN! ALWAYS! Because greater is He that is in us than He that is in the world! The devil HATES adoption and he will do anything in his power to stop it. He hates the picture of Christ's love for us. Kate cannot deserve our love, she cannot earn it, and she cannot buy it. It is simply hers. It is hers because she exists. When she comes home, we have high hopes that she will accept our love. We cannot force her to, but if she does we will lavish it on her every day for the rest of her life. So it is with our God, He loves us in spite of our past and our present, and He hopes for a future for us that accepts that love wholeheartedly and without reserve. The enemy HATES this, so he does everything in his power to distract us, to shame us, to lift us up in human strength. He lies, he kills, he steals, he destroys...he wants us left abandoned on the steps of life at the mercy of his grip, but Christ has come to give us life and a home and a family and Kate is the picture of this. The enemy does not loose his grip easily, but he MUST loose his grip.

So I sit here tonight in front a warm fire in Napa Valley, CA completely amazed at our God's faithful love...it never fails, it never gives up, it never runs out on us...NEVER! I am so excited to see how God will use Kate's story to move people out of darkness into His marvelous light and from the domain of death into life everlasting. Can you imagine what God has planned for the life of this little girl? Can you imagine what God will do even in our boys' lives as they watch the real life results of adoption? Isn't He even now doing something in your heart through the story of this little girl on the other side of the world? I know that you cannot imagine what He is doing even now in us!

"I sought the Lord and He delivered me from all my fears... He is on my right hand, I shall NOT be moved."

The Uniqueness of Adoption

The Uniqueness of Adoption

Posted by David Roberts

Once again, not doing so good tonight at sleep. Probably the long day planned tomorrow keeping me up. For some reason, could not stop thinking about Kate tonight. Figured I would post on all the recent thoughts and happenings in our adoption process.

For starters, it is a little strange that a few weeks ago, our Youth Pastor, Rich Griffith presented an entire Sunday message on adoption from a spiritual perspective. He has adopted a little boy from the foster system and it is an amazing story. While we do hear about being adopted by God… all the time in church, I cannot remember a message like that in 36 years of attending church on a weekly basis. The fact that it came in our first year at The Orchard and while we are finalizing Kate’s adoption was pretty amazing. Anyway, this was just another confirmation of what has been an amazing and long process over the past year+.

I have to admit that talking to some people about Kate is often frustrating. We tend to get one of two responses. First, we often get a confused look where the other person is clearly confused as to why we are doing this. The other response is one of telling us how great we are for rescuing this little girl (bla bla bla)… Sadly, the second response is closer to accurate with the roles reversed. In the end, I think it will be Kate rescuing us from ideas and shells we never knew existed.

I think one of the biggest revelations for me in this process is realizing the amazing spiritual side of the process. While I am a true Arminian at heart, I have to admit that this experience at least makes me uneasy around my Calvinist friends. Every time we think we have it figured out, something different happens and only later do we find out the “why”. Even now, we are asking ourselves almost daily why the last part of the process seems so delayed from what we expected. Without even thinking too much, God makes multiple reasons very clear to us. We are definitely starting to trust God more legitimately rather than in theory, but it is not always a romantic experience that makes it all better. There is not a day that goes by anymore that I don’t find myself thinking about life with Kate. Just the other day, I found myself wondering what we would do if something happened and we were denied the final adoption approvals. My mind raced to what amounts of money, time and energy would be expended to overturn such an event. It only confirmed in my mind what I would do if I lost Jordan or Nathan unexpectedly and how I would spend every waking moment of my life to get them back. The reasoning for this is that they are our own, just like Kate even though we have never laid eyes on her before and hold on to a precious few pictures watching her look into a camera in one image with a clear look asking why they have placed her on a brick platform and left her on her own while they must be taking a picture with a mechanical device that she has probably never seen. She looks so confused and almost has an attitude in her look. I like her already.

As time passes without her physically, I continue to daily wonder what life will be like. In theory, we could not be any more different. She is eastern and we are western. She is learning Mandarin Chinese and we speak English. She looks different and has black hair while we are all brown/blonde’s. We have all had parents while she has never known a parent in her life. The only thing I can think of similar is that we are all in the lower 1% of our respective populations in size. For that, Kate will fit right in from the start with all us little people. I check in around 5’6”. Candace cannot be much more than 5’ flat. The boys are uniquely small in their school classes and little Kate is in the lower 1% in sizing charts for Chinese girls. Seems pretty cool that God chose to give us a little girl that literally fits right in. While the differences are stark, there is not an ounce of disconnect with Kate even before she arrives. My mind races continually to how the next 15+ years will play out. Where will she go to school? What will it be like to watch her graduate high school and college? How will I ever walk her down the aisle and survive? What will I say to the little boy that wants to take her out on a date? What details will I describe for him of what I will do to him if he ever violates her in any conceivable fashion? Will I utilize the gun polishing technique in front of him while I am having that conversation? In what amazing way will she server God in her life? These questions and more consume my mind at times and I just want to get on a plane and start the new life as a family. Believe it or not, I keep asking Candace if we are going to do it again! She is not really up for a true discussion there, but we know there is no way we could rule it out. I have a sneaky feeling that somewhere long into the future, we will look back and wonder how much of life we would have missed had we never walked down this path the first time. Cannot wait for the trip very near and I keep rehearsing in my mind that moment in Guangdong when we go up on the platform and take her from a social worker for the first time realizing she is really ours, permanently. Probably not far off from how God feels every time he pulls a life up to a new level. I hope she looks at us like she did this piece of cake on her birthday...