Thursday, May 23, 2013

Spankings from God

Posted by Candace

"No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it."  -Hebrews 12:11

Where do I even begin?  The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of chasing down paperwork for our adoption and believe it or not, through this, I have learned a lot about myself and about my level of surrender and trust.  Things have not gone as planned...not one time...and my faith has been tested to its limits.  I now realize that God has been babying me with grace for much of my Christian life.  My habits of laziness, of rushing ahead foolhardily into things, of overlooking details or wishing they would go away, of distrust, of impatience, they have for a long time been bathed in grace.  God allowed me a good bit of leeway in my areas of weakness and I fully took advantage of it.

So what changed?  I found myself asking God that very question this week.  For one thing, my level of submission has changed.  He has my "yes".  With that "yes" comes a whole new deeper level of relationship, and some difficult new lessons.  He is teaching me to not only completely trust Him, but to trust His timing as well.  He is preparing me to walk into things that will require complete and sometimes intricate obedience and a level of trust that I obviously do not have at this moment.

Last week, I came to Atlanta prepared to complete our paperwork that needs to be sent to China for our adoption.  This is called a dossier.  It is the second level of paperwork in international adoption.  the first level is the home study.  The home study consists of the state that you live in researching your background, your healthy, your finances, your parenting ability, etc and then writing a nice little 10 page report to state their findings.  This is only one piece of the dossier.  There are about 13 pieces of official paperwork sent in a China dossier and several other unofficial pieces.  Each official piece of paperwork must be notarized, then that notarized document must be authenticated at the county level, and then that county level authentication must be authenticated again at the state level.  Once that is all completed, it has to be sent to the Chinese consulate to have a final stamp of approval before it goes to China.  So there are 4 steps to securing every piece of this dossier and China expects perfection down to the letter.  Sounds easy enough, right?  Just find a notary to notarize all 13 pieces and you are set... only each piece must be notarized at the place where it is signed.  So your medicals will be notarized at your doctor's office, your professional letters at your employer's office, your criminal record letters at the sheriff's office, etc.  This means more than likely you will end up with notaries from several different counties that will have to be authenticated at these different counties clerk of court before they go to the Secretary of States office in Atlanta (at least that is how it works in Georgia).

Since we recently made the move to Albany, my paperwork was all over the place.  I had notaries from several different counties, so lots of legwork to get done.  Not only that, but up until May 7th, we had hoped to reuse our dossier already in China and just add the updated home study...no such luck.  May 7th came and went and suddenly I was faced with putting together an entire packet ASAP as we made the lock on Jessica's file...knowing that she will age out in November.  Can I just tell you that this freaks me out???  I don't like the pressure of deadlines that I cannot meet on my own.  My trust of God's timing has been hugely tested and I have failed over and over again this past week.  I want my paperwork done and I want it done NOW!  Can I just be honest and say that I have not wanted God's timing on this... I have wanted mine.   God's might be that we get Jessica the day before she ages out and that just completely freaks me out to go into a process like this and have to trust to the very last day.  Okay, God... I'll trust you as long as all our approvals are here like 2 months before we have to be there, so I don't have to work at trusting you anymore after that...right?  I have some major rebellion popping up here... just being honest.

So the last thing I wanted was to be faced with notaries that could not notarize properly...twice... a frustrated government employee that didn't want to work late... a birth certificate that the county had not certified when I went out of my way to pick it up (on that trip I went to the completely wrong address on the GPS and it ended up being 22 miles from the right one)...and multiple mistakes in paperwork that meant starting back at step 1 when I had already finished step 3.  In two weeks I have made 1 trip to the Lee Co Courthouse, 1 trip to the Dougherty Co Sheriff's Dept, 1 trip to the Dougherty Co jail, 2 trips to the Walton Co Sheriffs office, 2 trips to the Walton Co courthouse, 2 trips to the Gwinnett Co courthouse, and 3 trips to the Secretary of State's office in Atlanta...security guards everywhere recognize me.  None of these places are exactly within walking distance, so no, it has not been fun at all.  In the midst of it, however, God showed up in ways that said "My timing is perfect".  He had a woman, who was only filling in for lunch at one of the courthouses, authenticate our docs who had known my husband in high school.  Her name is now on our adoption documents.  He had me bring docs to church to be notarized that ended up being prayed over in Sunday School.  He sent specific songs into my life at just the right moment just to remind me He is in control.  In the midst of chaos and mistakes that I will never be able to figure out the "Whys" behind, it has been so obvious that His Hand of discipline has been on me.  I am learning grace...through faith.  "Grace through faith" is a whole lot different from "grace because I am a milk loving Christian".  I am being forced to grow up in Him...like that eagle pushing her eaglets out of the nest when they are ready to fly... 

And my attitude has been crap.  It has stunk.  After every brick wall, I have fought and cried.  I yelled a whole story the other day at David over the phone and then "boohoo"ed into his shoulder this morning when more mistakes meant more trips.  I have been so angry I could scream, so disappointed I could sob, and so sick of papers that I could throw up.  I pulled up today on my 3rd trip to the parking garage attached to the Floyd West Tower in Atlanta where the Secretary of States Election Division sits on the 8th floor (Step 3 for the dossier papers) only to be alerted by an email that another mistake had been spotted and I must start over on 2 pieces of paperwork.  I heard the enemy so loudly in my head "That's it!!!!!  I'm not doing this anymore.  I quit!  I'm just going to go home to Albany and throw this paperwork into the pool."  I was throwing quite a temper tantrum inside my head when God AGAIN for the 25th time in two weeks said "Candace, my timing is perfect.  Why won't you trust me?"  And I realized that as much as I harp on trusting God...as much as people think that I do trust God... all it takes is a few brick walls and I am back to relying on this physical world...on what I can see and touch and feel.  Yet NONE OF THIS...NOTHING HERE ON THIS EARTH has ever done for me what my Savior has done.  He is completely reliable....He is eternally faithful....He is the only thing worth depending on.  There is nothing else...NOTHING ELSE...to place trust in.

I finally think that a bit of this lesson has made its way through a crack in my thick skull.  I know that my God is faithful.  I know that He is gently teaching me how to trust Him more.  I know that He holds the perfect plan and that I would never want to make my own edits to it.  Talk about authenticated!!  He is the REAL THING.

So when I go to the Gwinnett Co courthouse for the 3rd time tomorrow and the Secretary of State's office for the 4th time...as I am driving those 40 or so miles from one place to another, I will pray with all my heart that this is the last time I will have to visit these places, but I will also rest assured in my heart that even if it isn't...His timing is perfect.

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Monday, May 20, 2013

First Letter to My Daughter

Posted by Candace

We received our preapproval for Jessica Faith this morning.  For all those who don't know, a preapproval from China is kinda like what you get for a loan.  You give them an overview of your info and based on that, they decide whether to let you continue in the adoption process for the child you are requesting.  Our preapproval for Jessica Faith meant something else as well!!  We are able to attempt to correspond through organizations in China that are set up to help families do so.  As soon as I received this document I ordered a cake for her and am sending her photos of our family.  Though I'm sure this news will carry some fear with it, it is still something worth celebrating, right??? 

I also sent her a letter.  So out of my comfort zone on this... how do you minister to your 13 year old child whom you have never met and lives half a world away.  How do I comfort the fears of the unknown?  How do I convey how much I long to hold her and wipe away any tears that might come with this news, whether of joy or sorrow?  I want to be there NOW, but only my words can travel there.  Hopefully the Holy Spirit will saturate her with every one of these words and she will feel the truth of them.


"Dearest Xiao Qi,

How do I even begin this letter?  How does a mother introduce herself to her daughter?  I will do my best.  You have a Mom and a Dad.  We are finally going to be together, and yet I know that this must make you sad and scared.  You have never been to America…you have never met the people who are coming to get you…the ones you will call “Mom” and “Dad”.  It makes me scared and sad too, because I know that you must love your foster family and your school and your friends.  I know that you will probably not understand our language and that we will have to get used to each other.  Can I also tell you, though, how excited that we are?  We are so excited, Xiao Qi, because God has placed such a love for you in us… we love you with all our hearts…and we know that love will make these sad and scary things a little bit easier.

We want to make a promise to you.  We will love you as our very own daughter for the rest of your life.  We will teach you our language and our customs and we will let you teach us yours.  We will take care of you, give you a home, an education, brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and grandmothers and grandfathers.  We will show you America and we think that you will love it.  We will give you an American name to add to your Chinese one…we would like it to be Jessica Faith.  Jessica means “God sees” because God has been watching and protecting you since the day you were born… Faith because the path that will bring us together will take much faith.

Please do not be afraid, sweet girl.  So many people here love you and are waiting for you to come home to us.  I cannot imagine how scary it might be to be promised to a family that you do not know, but I promise you that we will walk this scary road together.  You will never be alone again.  You now have a Mom and Dad, 2 brothers (Jordan is 12 and Nathan is 10), and 2 sisters (Kate is 3 and Naomi Grace is 2 and is waiting in China for us like you are).

I would like to thank your foster family with all my heart for loving you these 13 years and taking care of you until God could bring us together.  He has an incredible plan for your life, my sweet daughter…and your dad and I and your brothers and sisters are privileged to be a part of it.

We love you,

 
Mom (and Dad, Jordan, Nathan, Kate, and Naomi Grace)"
 
Please pray with us that we might get a response, since this letter will be delivered with a self addressed stamped envelope. :)

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Saturday, May 11, 2013

Meet Jessica Faith...

Posted by Candace

Our first adoption journey was all about hope...we hoped that God really had promised us a daughter...we hoped that our paperwork would all get done in a timely fashion...we hoped that the process really did work the way that they said it did...we hoped that we had not seriously just screwed up our lives. God really did help us walk a path of hope.



We knew our next sweet girl would be named Naomi Grace.  And sure enough the path God set in front of us was full of grace... He gave grace for us to make the decision to adopt again...grace for us to see this precious little one and say "yes" even when we felt very little emotionally...grace to secure Naomi's referral even though we missed the deadline...grace to have once again a baby girl waiting on us in China.



Yet something did not feel right.  I know our walk with God is not based on feelings, but David and I had been ready for the hard...we had syked ourselves up for it.  We were ready to take on giants and it just seemed as if God had given midgets.  We were surprised and even a little disappointed...

So God added faith lessons to our journey.  One day I was scrolling through Facebook and I came across a girl named "Jolie". 

 


This beautiful girl will age out of the system in China in November due to her age.  I sent a message to the lady who had posted her picture and asked for more info, but never got a response.  Although there was still a prick in my spirit, I let it go and went on with life, until one day, in the car, on the way home from Bible Study, the boys reminded me.  "We want an older sister." they said, "Why can't you adopt an older sister from China?"  Now I was completely taken aback because up to this point the boys had not exactly been on the "continuing adoption" train.  I mean, they love Kate and all, but they wanted off at the next station.  So for this to come out of their mouths, God was speaking.  "How about a 13 year old?"  I asked.  "Yes! Yes! We want her to be older."  So much for my grand plans to not displace my birth order (don't ever tell God you "wouldn't ever" do something).

I went back to Facebook (you know, that horrible time waster that makes you look like a bad mom if you are ever on #rantover) and messaged a woman that I thought might know about this girl.  Within 5 minutes she had found the woman who had spent over a year advocating for this girl and I had her whole file in my inbox.  Talk about heartbreaking... "Jolie" has been in the system since she was 3 days old.  She was found near the drain of a military barracks as an infant.  A few months later she was placed into foster care where she sits 12 years later waiting on a family.  "Jolie" has a problem with her left leg that is diagnosed as far as I can tell as severe hip dysplasia.  She was born at a time when the "special needs" program was nearly non-existent because of the normal of healthy baby girls that needed families.  By the time the "special needs" program was popular enough, "Jolie" was too old to receive a family quickly. 

Within a few days, we were calling this girl Jessica Faith.  I looked up the definition of Jessica and it means "God beholds" or "God sees".  God's had His eye on this precious one since the beginning of time.

We didn't lock her file immediately because we were still trying to reuse our dossier in China and normally they will only let you do that for one referral.  Our agency's team in China, however, thought they might make an exception since she is aging out.  Our date for reuse came on May 7th and left us ready to make an important decision.  Would we follow God in total faith...faith that we can manage 5 kids...faith that He will handle the transition of this older child...faith that He will provide the money to bring home both of our girls...faith that He can do the impossible in messed up people like us?  Some of you are clucking your tongue and thinking "Why mess up a good thing? Stop while you're ahead."  Some of you might be thinking "But that's crazy...how will you handle two at once?  How will you teach her? What if she has emotional issues?  Have you totally lost your minds?"  Some of you may be thinking, "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into.  Kate was easy.  You can't expect something that good the second time around."  You know what?  I have had all those exact same thoughts... EXACT ones...then I stopped thinking and started praying.  Jesus has our "yes".  And with that "yes" comes provision for anything and everything we will ever do in obedience to Him.

We asked God to open up the doors and to lead the way if this was His Will...and guess what, the doors stayed open.  We took a chance, by not locking Jessica's file right away, that someone else would lock it.  The precious lady who spent time advocating and praying for Jessica messaged me one day and said that 3 families had inquired after the file and one was serious.  She asked me if we were still intent on locking it and what she should tell these families.  I told her that we had placed this girl in God's Hands and whatever He wanted for Jessica is what we wanted too so she should give them whatever they needed to make their decision.  I was surprisingly disappointed as I said it, not realizing how attached I had gotten...but His Will, not mine.  The next day her name popped up on my Facebook screen and my heart pounded in my chest as I opened the message, expecting that it would be to inform me that the other family was taking her.  I simply could not imagine anyone saying "no" to this file.  But these people did...and they did because Jessica is our daughter.  When she was born Nov. 2, 1999, almost exactly a year after David and I were married and almost a year before Jordan was born, God already knew she was ours...and somehow over time, He prepared us...and we believe He is preparing her.

I don't have the answer to the questions...I just know that locking her file today was obedience to Christ and I cannot wait to see what He does with Jessica's life.  I am so entirely privileged to be her mom...to be the one who will grieve with her as she makes the transition away from everything she's ever know... to be the one who will teach her a new language and new country... to be the one who will take her shopping and buy her new clothes... to be the one who will watch her graduate, maybe go to college, and maybe one day get married... to be the grandmother to her children... to be the one making up for lost time every day until my life or her life is over on this earth...and most of all to be the one to show her faith and introduce her to her Savior who has been watching intently all along.

Grace falls like rain on this house...and lately, faith moves mountains.
 

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