On Adoption: Forgetting What is Behind

On Adoption: Forgetting What is Behind

Posted by Candace

Since becoming a part of the adoption community, I have read countless blogs, opinions, and training "manuals", all designed to help families transition and work through typical adoption issues.  I have read some really good information and some really bad, unBiblical information.  Wading through this stuff as someone who was not adopted (though I claimed to be often), can be exhausting and as my friend, Joy says, we don't have to digest everything... But when it is shoved in your mouth, sometimes you swallow without thinking when you should be spitting out (Oops, wrong reflex).  So as in everything, we MUST let the Word trump anything written or taught by man.

The Word is a pro-adoption book...to the point that if you have NOT allowed Christ to adopt you, you are lost...abandoned...without hope in this age or the age to come.  The Bible is clear about its stance on adoption...to the point that it makes it a requirement.  Within this requirement is this beautiful and amazing concept of redemption...a Life laid down so that we have the opportunity to live.  In this concept of redemption is a beautiful bride without spot or blemish...made up of all colors, creeds, cultures, and nations...all of us adopted by Christ and living freely in the family of God as brothers and sisters.  This is the amazing picture of an adoptive family.  Forgetting what is behind and pressing forward to what is ahead...not wallowing in the past, the "what ifs" or the "could have beens"...not going back to Egypt, but walking forward toward the Promise Land.

Of course, we live in an imperfect world and we are imperfect people so we all struggle daily to live out this picture to some extent.  Even the "oldest" children have weaknesses and find themselves "wishing" for things contrary to what the Father has ordained...there is a measure of imperfection in all of us.  But we are all striving as believers for the perfect picture that Christ has painted in the pages of His glorious Word.

And I think that is why I struggle with some things I read and hear about adoption.  Bear with me as I am candid with my struggle.  Please hear me out and try hard not to judge.  I know that I don't have the full picture and many times I am only going on the Word of God...and if that makes me naive, it just does.

I struggle when I hear people say that when an internationally adopted child receives a family outside of their country that they are not coming home, but actually being ripped from it.  While I completely understand the thought process behind this and the grief that comes with a child leaving his/her culture, home is where the Love is.  We aren't at home in this world anyway.  We are strangers...sojourners...so though a child might never look like or even talk like or think like their adoptive family, they are HOME.  They are where they belong.  Just like when we come to Christ, we don't hang on to our old way of life...we learn a brand new one.  Please hear me when I say, I am not saying that I think it is wrong to hang on to culture or traditions from our children's countries...as a matter of fact, I feel part Chinese inside.  Every time I come across a Made in China label, I have an urge to buy (I quickly realized I couldn't afford 90% of everything sold in the US, but I still get warm fuzzies at this label).  I am only saying that when God chose Kate for this family, she came HOME.  Home is bigger than what you look like or what country you were born in...it is where the Love is.

I struggle when I hear people say that internationally adopted children would be better with their birth parents.  When I see Kate run and play and be unashamedly loved...when I see her live in freedom and learn Jesus, I have a really hard time with this.  Maybe it is because I am selfish, but I think it is also because I see God's redemption.  I see our Father has taken something so broken and made it beautiful...and I just have a hard time taking myself into the "what ifs" here.  Again, maybe I am selfish... maybe I am unwilling to get into the dirt of a parent's pain on the other side of world... but maybe it is because I wasn't called to Kate's parents (and I pray every day that SOMEONE is), I was called to Kate and what I see is beautiful.  Is that at her expense? I don't think so... through adoption, Christ has given Kate the opportunity to be openly loved beyond measure and to learn about Him freely.  It does Kate NO good to "what if" and to "wish " that sin did not exist, that parents all wanted their children and could afford to raise them, that Eve didn't eat that apple.  Yes, we can let Christ work through us to that end, but this world is broken.  Yes, I grieve that Kate's parents are missing out on the gift God gave them.  I "wish" I could find them and share her with them somehow, but fact is, I can't. When she is old enough... when Jessica comes home... when we have to deal with identity issues... guess where I will take them.  Right to the cross... right where we all have to go... right where eternal redemption happens and your past no longer means a hill of beans.

I struggle when I hear people say the my internationally adopted kids will struggle all their lives with being different from our family...from not looking like us...that they will to some extent always struggle with identity.  What a fabulous opportunity for our family to learn our true identity is in Christ!  Do we believe it or do we not, dear brothers and sisters?  Are we so concerned with the worldly view of things that we forget how true and life changing the Word is?  Are we scared to believe it because this is the "real world" and we just have to stay "grounded"?  I don't know.  I may be naïve here.  Kate is not old enough to express such insecurities... but I will tell you.  I grew up more insecure than most of the population and I had my mom and dad around for most of my growing up life. I don't think this is an adoption problem at all... I think it is a "fallen world" problem.  We must know and cling to who we are in Christ because that is our identity.

So I may be adoptionally incorrect, but my life will be spent instilling the Word into my adopted children...praying daily for them...loving them as best I can... and teaching them that ultimately we are all in the same boat.  God has a plan for everyone He created.  Yes, my adopted children have suffered more than I would have ever, ever planned for, but somehow God allowed that suffering and He will use it ALL through their lives to shape them into the children He created them to be.  I will teach them to yield to that Hand and let Him use even the darkest stuff for His glory. They won't get a pass...an excuse to stay a victim even after Christ redeemed.  Because after all, don't we all have very, very dark moments...moments when we felt and thought we had been abandoned... parents or not, we all struggle through these things.  Adoption is not an exception to the Gospel.  Adoption is the Gospel.

^"13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, ¹⁴ I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Phillippians 3:13-14

Hope Happened Here This Week!

Hope Happened Here This Week!

Posted by Candace

Katie had never been on a mission trip...many youth conferences, but never an outside of the country missions trip.  The "Bring Me Hope" camp that she had been invited to be a part of would be the first for her.  She was invited by the camp director's son to go with them to China to love on children in desperate need. 

Katie didn't know it, but far away from Minnesota, where she lives, a host of people were praying that God would prepare our Jessica Faith for her impending adoption.  We specifically prayed that if there was any possible way, the Lord would send the Gospel to our girl before we could even get to her...that He would prepare the way. Even as I prayed this, my subconscious wrote it off as impossible...after all, there are millions of orphans in China and thousands of orphanages... none of which are particularly open to the Word.  Fortunately, NOTHING is impossible with God.

Shortly before Katie left for her trip to China, she found out that she was pregnant.  This left her loved ones very concerned that she should still go.  She would be taking additional risks by traveling abroad with a baby in her womb, but I think God was just putting icing on the cake.  Soon this special woman carrying her first child would meet the child growing in my heart who will become our oldest.  Katie felt the pull of Christ on her heart to take this trip and I am so glad that she did.

How she ever found out how to contact me, I still don't know, but I received an email last week through an organization called "Lady Bugs and Love" that forwarded her message to me.  Katie had met my daughter at a camp in China and got to spend a whole week with her one on one and she wanted to know if I would like to hear about it and see pictures of Jessica.  She ended the email by saying that she understood if I didn't...however, I don't think she was prepared for how much I did!!  I tend to be a gusher... there is no trickling over here... I have never learned how to play it cool...and it barely registered that this woman was a complete stranger. I told her that I wanted to know EVERYTHING. Then I connected with her on Facebook and the stalking really began :). 

Katie had taken picture after picture of our sweet girl... she had even taken a few videos.  I was overwhelmed as I browsed through the album... I may or may not have looked at it more than 10 times.  Better even than the album though was Katie's description of our sweet girl.  She reassured us that she is loving and lovable, that she was one of the favorites at camp, that she was very well-behaved, and best of all that she was open to the Gospel!!!!  YES!!!  Sweet Katie was the first to witness to our sweet girl.  She shared Jesus with her and she taught her how to pray.  She was able to be there for my daughter as she opened her heart and poured out some hurt in her heart that she had not been able to share with anyone.  Katie talked to her about forgiveness and taught her how to pray while she waits for her family to come get her.  Katie even told me that the Director of the "Bring Me Hope" camps was going to go back to Jessica's orphanage really soon and try to get permission to teach her some English.

There are many other things that I learned about my daughter from Katie's week with her, but many of them I have to keep in my heart to ponder.  Suffice it to say, it has been a heart wrenching life for this sweet girl who we cannot wait to bring home.  And just as we prayed for the Lord to prepare the way for us, we are praying that He will also redeem the time, because we can never get back the 14 years that we have missed.  Please join us in this prayer.  We also need you to join us in praying that her paperwork is rushed through as adoptions in China are rarely processed as quickly as we need ours to be to meet that November 3rd deadline.  I truly believe that the prayers of the saints were intricate in Katie reaching my daughter and I count on our sweet friends to lift this girl up before the throne with us..

Still completely blown away that God called a pretty, petite blonde girl pregnant with her first baby to share Christ with my gorgeous, brown eyed Chinese daughter who will become my oldest baby...and He could have stopped there, but instead He prodded her to find a way to contact me to share things that I really needed to know and be prepared for.  In all the millions of people in China, a girl named Katie brought Hope to our Jessica Faith and in doing so, she prepared our hearts and brought us Hope as well.  WHO IS LIKE OUR GOD????

For more info on "Bring Me Hope" camps, you can visit their website at www.bringmehope.org .  Bring Me Hope organizes summer camps for parentless children in China.  Most of these children are orphans, but some of them only see their parents every few years as they leave them at "boarding school" to go to work in the city.  Economic conditions and the Communist government force these parents to make tough decisions for their children at a very tender age, and the result is children without permanent homes and many times without love.  "Bring Me Hope" sends Christians from around the world to these children to love on them for a week out of the summer.  A $125 sponsorship to "Bring Me Hope" allows an orphan or a parentless child to attend one of these camps for the week.  Translators from around the country of China are also brought in to foster communication between the foreigners and the China treasures.  As a result, the Christian foreigners not only spend a week loving, laughing with, and blessing these children, but they also share their faith with these children and by osmosis, with the translator.  Many of the children and translators have come to Christ as a result of this program. It would be a great place to invest in the Kingdom.

His Greatest Blessing to the World is YOU

His Greatest Blessing to the World is YOU

Posted by Candace

***After rereading this post, I need to clarify that I wrote this under the obvious assumption that CHRIST is obviously the only One who changes lives and to know Him and to understand what He did on the cross is THE blessing.  My point was that Christ chose US to be the ones to reveal Him to the world... Christ in us, the hope of glory....meaning we are placed here for the express purpose of pointing others to Him.  Since He no longer walks physically on this earth, He has sent us to be a blessing.  No other blessing that He created compares to the one of a child of God following Him in obedience and with a willing heart revealing Jesus.**


My heart and head have been FULL today.  Wonderfully and yet dreadfully full.  For the past several months, I have been wrestling with the issue of the difference between social justice and the Great Commission.  Many people...many Christians...many churches have considered them one and the same and have lumped them together into the best possible mixture of the world and the Gospel.  However, just as water and oil will never mix, neither does light have any fellowship with darkness.

Today I turn 34.  I have had 34 great years on this year... 34 very blessed years...some of those years have been harder than others, but Jesus has walked with me through every ONE.  Today our Holy Spirit filled pastor preached an amazing message on generosity and then our Word filled Sunday School teacher followed up with a timely message on satisfaction.  These two things were created to go hand in hand.  You cannot be generous and not find yourself satisfied and you cannot be satisfied if you are not generous.  God created them as two sides to the same coin.  I have found this to be profoundly true in my own short life...

...And here is where I found the line in the sand today between social justice and the call of all the saints to "GO!"  It jumped out at me in just a few verses today.  "He made Himself poor that WE might become rich..."  Jesus intricately put Himself in a position of humility and yes, poverty...for the express purpose of giving us the opportunity to be rich.  He, the owner of everything, made Himself nothing... to give us the chance to live richly.  No, He didn't flush everything down the toilet or sell everything He had, but He did, very willingly, put everything He possessed on HOLD so that He could come down to our level, become like us, and relate to us. 

Social justice and socialism are both ideas that seem to get their start on Biblical principles, but then they run off onto the same wide path of sin that we all struggle daily to stay off of.  They lose their Biblical mirror image in a verse that says "Each person should do as he has decided in his heart - not reluctantly or out of necessity, for God loves a cheerful giver." 2 Corin 9:7    WAIT a minute.  Paul just said that if you are doing it because you feel guilty or you think it makes you a better person or someone is making you do it or you have impure motives in any other way, then you might as well not give in the first place cause God is looking for cheerful givers...God is using cheerful givers to build His Kingdom...God can multiply and multiply a CHEERFUL, WILLING, UNFORCED gift.  A cheerful giver gives because he KNOWS that it is the Christ designed path to satisfaction. 

Each of us were created with a "lot" in life.  We cannot change the color of our skin, the family we were born into, the country that we were born in, the social status that we grew up in...but we need to  have our eyes opened to the fact that God has a plan for EVERY ONE of those things in our lives.  He has a plan for our race, our creed, and the amount of money that we have in our pocket...but I think that those of us that have rejected the social justice and socialism bandwagon (as we should because it is unBiblical) have also forgotten a place in the Bible that says "To whom much is given, much is required" Luke 12:48  Have you been given money?  The Lord has blessed you with it so that you can choose to reach down to the level of others at every opportunity and use that money to share Christ with them, however that looks in the given situation.  Have you been given citizenship in a free country?  The Lord has blessed you with freedoms so that you can share His Name unashamedly and often with the people in your circle...so that you have the opportunity to GO! and bless others.  Have you been given a glorious family filled with love?  The Lord has blessed you with so much love so that you can share it with those who have never experienced it and through that love show them Christ.  YOU are His blessing to the world, just as Jesus was when He made Himself poor.  YOU are His ambassador SENT on a mission to reconcile the world to Him...He has not blessed you so that you can sit around and satiate yourself on the seed that He has provided you to sow.

The Bible is clear that "Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly. But whoever sows generously will reap generously." 2 Corin 9:6  If you cannot give liberally and cheerfully you might as well keep your love, your family, and your money to yourself.  If you cannot wrestle through reluctance or guilt or peer pressure or hypocrisy to get to marked joy when you are giving anything...chances are that those gifts will go no further than temporary satisfaction for someone's belly that gets eliminated eternally a few hours later. Only when we give fully surrendered with a cheerful heart and a soul that KNOWS it is walking in obedience to Christ, will we see the Holy Spirit take our gift and multiply it into something eternal...ETERNAL.  Cause I don't know about you, but I desire to leave a legacy... an aroma that reaches His nostrils and reminds Him of me LONG after I am reunited with Him.

So unless the Lord asks you to and you can do it with joy in your heart, I do not recommend selling everything you have and giving to the poor... I do not recommend moving to another country and wearing yourself thin trying to change their economy or society... I do not recommend adopting a child or several children... I do not recommend living in the streets to mimic the people you desire to reach... I do not recommend even taking the Gospel to a world desperately in need if you cannot do it in complete assurance of faith.  Because without Him, we can do NOTHING and even our best attempt at righteousness is as filthy rags. 

BUT!!!! YOU,  fully surrendered to Christ with your hand in the hand of the Holy Spirit believing in the unstoppable power of God, are the blessing that others are desperately waiting for. YOU are the Lord's greatest blessing to a world in need.   When you willingly leave your race or your social standing or your money or your temporary pleasures to get down into the dirt with people completely different from you, and you do it with a heart that just wants to love them and show them Jesus, YOU, my friend, are the Creator's greatest blessing to the world.  And I will guarantee that the more time that you spend "making yourself poor" so that someone else "might be rich", the clearer you will see how "unsearchable" your riches really are in Christ.  They will never run out...no, not for as long as He chooses to bless the world through YOU.  No one can force this on you, no one can make you feel guilty enough to be truly generous...you will only become generous when you are awakened to the truth that BEING the blessing IS the greatest blessing. 

"I will make your name great; and you will be a blessing."  Genesis 12:2b

The Blessings of Loss

The Blessings of Loss

Posted by Candace

Before I begin, I just want to note that I know not all losses in life carry the same weight.  Obviously the loss of a human is a much, much more heavy thing than the loss of an animal... I would not even dare to compare, but I believe in ALL loss those who know and cling to Christ will see glimpses of blessing if they will open their hearts to receive it.

We came home from church today to find that one of our precious puppies had passed away.  This puppy had not seemed to keep up with the other two in growth and I had been concerned for the last couple of days that something might be wrong.  The dogs were outside this morning and this little one had crawled far away from the others... from the comfortable "nest" that we had created in the deep shade...right into the hot sun where she took her last breath.

We were all devastated.  There is something about seeing a life form without life in it that reaches to your very soul.  This is the only puppy we had named.  Nathan considered her his responsibility and he called her "Caroline"..."Care Bear" was her nickname.  The boys took turns gently cradling her in their arms as we prepared a grave for her in our backyard.  We laid her down and I watched as David hesitated for the longest time.  He couldn't bring himself to shovel dirt over her.  Finally Jordan said, "Dad, you have to do it.  You just have to."

Death seems so final.  So dark and so unchangeable.  It seems to suck hope right out of life.  Unless you know the One who has already conquered it.  Then even in the darkest, seemingly hopeless moments, He reaches down and makes something beautiful. 

Jordan is the strength of this family.  His personality is strong. His reactions are strong.  His emotions are usually strong.  But I watched as my oldest broke down in sobs.  I waited to hear the grief of losing a puppy, but instead this is what I heard.  "Why did it have to be Nathan's dog? Why couldn't it have been mine?"  I heard selflessness come out of my son, that would not have happened in the normal dregs of life.  I watched as he "went to check on Nathan" several times...something completely out of the ordinary for a brother who had recently dubbed Nathan the biggest annoyance in his life.  And I thanked God for moments so beautiful in the midst of grief.

Puppies are admittedly not David's favorite things about life, but he is still shaken up about the death of this little one.  He feels responsible.  "If only..."  "We should have..."  "I shouldn't have..."  Doesn't loss bring out these questions?  Almost a refusal to accept what is...a desire to have known what was going to happen and change the outcome.  Even Hollywood has grabbed onto this cry of the human heart and made movies where changing the inevitable is possible.  The fact is this vulnerable place of humanness often is crafted into a tool that God uses to bring us closer to Him.  We are reminded of our complete lack of control in the midst of the valley of the shadow of death...of our dependence on the only One who truly changes things.  This is a lesson that we are all still learning around here, but one that my beloved especially struggles with as he tries to keep the world going on his shoulders.

So when Jordan said thoughtfully, "This is good for us, Mom."  I, not only knew exactly what he meant, but I fully agreed.  If we let it, every loss that God allows into our lives can be good for us.  It can change us, grow us, open us, break us, ultimately make us into people who look like Jesus.  Loss is not in vain when it is in the hands of the Great Redeemer.

I miss that puppy something fierce.  Every time I walk by the other two, I feel a lump form in my throat.  Earlier I was blessed to be able to share this crisis with a great friend who happened to call.  I began to explain to her what I was seeing in my family as a result of this loss, and she reasoned that maybe, just maybe, this puppy was created by God for this exact and particular reason.  What an incredible thought!  What an amazing gift!  What an awesome God who gives such beauty for ashes!

In all the losses of life...the heart crushing huge ones and the tearless tiny ones...if you will open your broken heart to a big God, He will open your eyes to His benevolent blessings.  SEE

Jessica Faith Update

Jessica Faith Update

Posted by Candace

So on my prayer list for the week, a request is written for an update on my precious daughters...with a tag line that says, "particularly from Jessica".

Today God answered this specific prayer.  I got an update.  I was sent 22 pictures and several videos from Jessica's orphanage.  My heart soared as these attachments started pouring into my email and I could not wait to open the pictures and the videos.  I am really not sure what I expected, but it wasn't the fear that smacked me full in the face as I was introduced to the faces of the people who have more than likely cared for Jessica since she was an infant.

Suddenly, I was sick inside from the thoughts that began to assault me.  How can we rip this precious girl from everything she's ever known?  How will we ever turn around and walk away from these gorgeous people who have raised our daughter?  How will we ever repay them?  How can we expect our 13 year old girl to cope with a new family that doesn't know her language...a new country a world away from China?  How in the world will any of this be okay?

Then that still small voice that continually keeps me sane spoke directly into my heart and asked, "Candace, are you going to walk by sight or by faith?"  See, as a mom, I want to read between the lines of every picture... I examine every aspect of them trying to understand everything that I can about our daughter.  I calculate every nuance of the face... I try to read the expressions and the body language...to somehow determine if my girl has been well cared for...if she is happy... if someday she might find it in her heart to love us.  I am trying to cling desperately to what I can see.  And all the while, Jesus is waiting for me to turn those wandering, fretting, motherly eyes on Him and look full in His wonderful face.

And you know what I see there?  I see a love so deep that I could never understand it... I see a God who has seen this precious child since before she was born... I see a Savior who is waiting on standby to work all things together for good when these girls come home.  When I finally remember to stay my eyes on Him, I remember that He is GOOD...that He never leaves...and that He has a plan.  I remember, as a sweet new friend reminded me today that I am not a savior, but He is...and He knows EXACTLY how to intertwine the hearts of this family that He is building. I remember what another friend texted me just a while ago, that this is about the GOSPEL...and our decision to bring this girl home has eternal significance.  And while I am gazing upon a God who gives so liberally and keeps so steadily, my heart is suddenly filled with faith.

So here I sit tonight, determined not to look away from the One who took us to China over a year ago and changed our lives into something more glorious than we ever could have imagined.  Would you join us in praying for the fragile heart of our sweet Jessica?  Because if anyone knows all that this transition will require, it is the One who ordained it from the beginning of time.

His Perfect Timing: A Story of Faith and Grace

His Perfect Timing: A Story of Faith and Grace

Posted by Candace

Wow.  Where do I even start?  I don't know what it is about me that makes me want to share everything that God does in my life, but for some reason I have been gifted in this way, so maybe some of you out there need to hear it.  Maybe some of you are being changed by our story.  I would love to hear about it.  I would love to know what legacy this family is leaving behind.  It makes life worthwhile every time I hear what God is doing through this journey.

December 12, 2012...or in other words, 12/12/12... I wondered why everyone was making such a big deal out of this day, but in the back of my mind, I wanted it to be a big deal for me too.  The only day ever to have 3 twelves in it.  Jesus had 12 disciples... I may eventually end up with 12 children :) (Don't freak out, Mamaw!)...12 month in a year.  12 has such a significance.  I thought that it ended up being a normal day in our lives, but it actually was anything BUT.  The other day, I looked back in the little journal that I keep of things that God has spoken to me and this is what I found under this specific date.

"'Go out from your land, your relatives, and your father's house to the land that I will show you.  I will make you a great nation, I will bless you, I will make your name great...and you will be a blessing.'" Gen. 12: 1-2 (I never realized this reference was so clearly confirming this Word until later 12:1-2  12/12)
(Here is what I had written under it) This Scripture jumped out at me tonight as though God was speaking these words directly to my heart.  The transition to Albany has been challenging, but I truly believe that God has us here for a purpose, whether for us or our kids.  This is the hope I will cling to through these first hard months. Love you, Jesus."

Ummm, yeah...He's alive.  My Savior lives and He continues to give the grace to walk by faith.  Naomi Grace and Jessica Faith are coming home on nothing but the TRUTH of our great God and what He will do when we step out and swim. 

When we began this process, we had just spent every last dime that we had to bring Kate home and move to Albany.  Not only that, but we had used our credit card to it's limit as well.  David and I both knew that this would be a test of faith, we just didn't know how big it would be.  We only realized about 2 weeks ago that we needed $14,000.00 to log our paperwork in China.  $14,000 all at once.  The mountain seemed insurmountable. 

On top of this, I really felt as if God was telling me not to fundraise and not to apply for grants.  I was on the verge of sending emails about a month ago to tell the story and to ask close friends and business associates for funds, and God said, "Don't do it. I want to provide this.  I want this to be glorifying to My Name."  Talk about some faith.  "So let me get this straight, God.  You want me to sit around and wait for You to drop $14,000.00 out of the sky."  That's about the jest of it. He confirmed this word through a book that I was reading at the time about Corrie Ten Boom and how she traveled the world for Jesus, never asking for a dime, and watching Him faithfully provide EVERY TIME.  Don't get me wrong... I have nothing against fundraising and grants and the like, but we all need to walk in obedience so that nothing impedes the Hand of God in our lives.

So friends would ask me how much we needed to log our paperwork and I would tell them sheepishly and hope they would not follow up with "well, what grants have you applied for?" or "When is your next fundraiser?" I would get almost sick when I thought about the consequences of not having this money when all our paperwork was finally ready.  We are on a serious time frame because Jessica ages out in November.  We have no room to play...  I floundered around and panicked in the waters of doubt...trying to cling to faith, but watching it slip away time after time. God would patiently grab on to me so my could catch my breath.  Finally, (a few days ago) I got to a point where I could say "Devil, my God will come through for me, but even if He doesn't, I am NOT bowing to doubt.  I will go down looking like a fool if that's what it takes to learn faith."

Our God is so gracious!  He knew all of this.  He saw my heart and He knows my deepest desire is to serve Him perfectly.  And by His grace through faith, I can stand here today without guilt or regret as He comes through once again.

Two days ago, David sat at a kitchen table praying for a specific check that was owed to Ascend to come in. The next day, the company emailed to say this check was on the way.  It arrived today.  After David and I spent an hour or so crunching numbers, we decided that this money was meant for this dossier log.  It will mean a little bit more faith that God will come through to pay some company bills, but we feel sure that He will meet every one of our debts in the near future.  Let me be clear...this is money that would NOT have been available under circumstances even a week ago when we did not have money in sight to meet our current obligations.  It came through the perfect circumstances and at the right time, which is why David and I agreed that God means it for this purpose.

I have all of my documents from Houston in my hand and I am waiting on one more from San Francisco that will probably arrive tomorrow...could God's timing be more perfect?  You can believe what you want... I believe MY GOD REIGNS.

Are You Swimming Yet?

Are You Swimming Yet?

Posted by Candace

This past week, Kate started swimming lessons with our precious friend, Emily Flynt.  Emily was our caseworker during our adoption process and instrumental in the moment I held my daughter for the first time.  It was absolutely fitting that she would be the one to teach her how to swim.

Water, even standing water, is a dangerous paradigm unless you know how to swim.  Once you are confident enough navigate it, however, it becomes far less of a threat.  Our goal in giving Kate swimming lessons at her young age was to keep her from drowning should she ever face a battle with water...very necessary since we now have a pool right in our back yard.

Kate was in a class with 2 other children a little bit older than her.  Day one was easy as pie and the kids just learned how to kick their legs while Emily held onto them.  You could see their attitude go from terror at the thought of having to "swim" to "I got this.  This is easy."  They were completely unaware of what was ahead and confident that they had learned to swim.  Day two, however, was underwater day.  Emily began to teach them how to hold their breath and go under the water.  This brought a variety of responses.  Most of them involved screaming, crying, and manipulating.  One little girl pleaded for her life using every technique she could think of.  All of the children, however, discovered their vice grip and used it on Emily.  She patiently pried them off amidst the cries and calmly put their faces under the water again.  Day three was mass hysteria... to the point that even I wanted to cry.  The kids were begging and pleading and screaming.  "Please, please don't put me underwater!!"  Yet every single one of them had learned to hold their breath properly and a millisecond before they were to go underwater, all hysteria would cease and they would do what they were being taught to do.

On day 3, I watched Kate carefully and realized that the issues that these kids were having was one of control.  Suddenly, they were not in control any longer and it didn't matter what they did, they were going under water whether they liked it or now.  It was also a trust issue.  They did not trust Emily (or anyone else for that matter) to not let them drowned.  There she was right beside them, ready to reach her hand out any minute and yet they panicked like the pool was completely empty.  When Emily would let Kate go and tell her to swim toward the wall of the pool (less than 2 ft away), as soon as Kate's head went under water, she was panicking and thrashing and trying to turn back around to grab Emily.  Day 4 was pretty much the same.  Though on this day, one of the little boys in Kate's class was swimming successfully every single time, but making such a racket in between that you would have thought he had almost drowned.  He was succeeding, but he didn't believe that he was.

Day 5, the final day of lessons, was an epiphany for Kate.  After a few tries of going underwater and thrashing around, it was suddenly as if a light bulb came on.  Her whole demeanor changed as Emily let her go underwater and swim toward me.  There was a peace in her body that I absolutely can explain no other way, but to say that she finally trusted the process.  She knew that if she obeyed the instructions that she was being calmly given, that Emily would make sure that she did not drown and she could swim.  And she did it!!!  I can't even tell you how incredible it was to watch the change in front of my very eyes.

As I was sitting in church this morning, God brought Kate's swimming lessons to my mind.  You see, He is teaching me how to swim.  Learning the faith walk is so incredibly like what I witnessed last week.  And I have been thrashing around this week, panicked, wanting nothing but to turn around and go back to the "safe" place in the water.  I am scared to death to believe and I am scared to death not to believe.  We need a ridiculous amount of money to even log our paperwork next week to begin the process to bring my girls home.  If I told you the amount, your mouth would drop.  And yet, the Holy Spirit has said, "Wait on Me. I will provide."  I am thrashing and panicking in these waters of pure faith, tempted to do anything but wait.  Almost sick to my stomach when I really think about the depth of what we are believing God for.  What if He doesn't come through?  What if we look like fools?  What if God disappoints us?  Just being honest with where my mind has tried to go this week.  If you could see to the inside of me, you would see the panicked face that Kate wore as Emily let go of her for the first time.

Sweet friends, we have two choices...we can learn to swim or we can sit outside the pool and watch everyone else swim.  I want to learn to swim and that means letting go of ALL of the doubts and realizing that my Savior is standing right beside me waiting to grab me when there is danger and cheer me on when I am finally getting it right.  I don't just want to swim like the boy who still believed with all his heart that he was in danger...all the while swimming.  I want to swim with the pure peace that Kate had when she finally realized that it was okay and she could do it.  I want to swim fully trusting in my Instructor...knowing that obeying His every Word is the only way I will every swim successfully.

What about you?  If you are in the pool of Christ, are you swimming?  Are you sitting on the side and watching everyone else?  Are you holding on to Jesus with terror and a vice grip that says, "Don't let me go under water!"?  Or have you learned the kind of faith that has you happily kicking around, maybe even teaching other how to do it?  That's the kind of faith that I am striving for.  I hope I am closer to day five than to day one.