Leaving Kate

Leaving Kate

Posted by Candace

There have been moments since China that I have felt like a first time mom all over again, and today was one of them.  Three months ago, David had asked me to attend a conference with him at a church in Woodstock and since it was three months out and before I met my precious daughter, I readily agreed.  Amazing how a couple of months changes things.

Since Kate came home in May, she has not been out of our sight for more than an hour or so at a time.  We have left her in the nursery at church on Sundays only because it became a waste of time for me to even attend when I spent the whole service outside of the service.  Since we are currently in transition again in our church life, it has been several different nurseries, but only for a short amount of time.  I have developed my first post adoption frustration on several of these Sundays.  I really don't mind being stared at everywhere that I go (and I do mean everywhere).  I really do not mind the questions (even the ridiculously naive ones like "Does she look like her father?") because most of the time they give us glorious opportunity to share God's redemption.  I have realized over these weeks though, that I am absolutely aggravated by being treated like an overprotective, petrified mom when I drop my daughter off with complete strangers.  It hasn't been at every church, but at the majority of them when I ask them to call me at even the slightest concern, they look at me with this patronizing look and tell me that she will be fine.  I know that they mean well, but here's why I have a problem with that.  First of all they would not know if she wasn't fine without some basic background information that I have yet to be asked for.  When Kate is terrified, she doesn't cry like normal children, she simply goes blank.  She dons a look that any parent that has never adopted would classify as "fine" in the very moments when she is the least fine.  However, it seems that as I try explain this and tell them that she has only been home two months, they blow it off and give me the "fine" speech again like I have attachment issues.  Now I am not denying that I do.  As a matter of fact, I think that when I leave her, Kate is much more fine than I am.  I cannot wait to get back to her and make sure she is confident that I am coming back for her always, but I simply do not need to be looked at like I am overreacting.  I stood in a room in China and was handed a little girl who had only ever known an orphanage as home.  She sat in my arms terrified as I tried to comfort her with words she could not understand.  She finally has started to trust our love and I am not eager to give her any reason to doubt it, even for a second.  She is not old enough to know that mommy and daddy will come back.  I have valid reasons to be concerned.  The second reason this bothers me is a more prideful one...this is not my first rodeo.  I have done this two times already.  I have experience.  I am a professional.  When I tell a stranger that I want to be notified if my daughter breathes the wrong way, I expect them to take it seriously...maybe ask me a question or two about what they might look for or what situations to avoid.  I have not resorted to whisking her away as of yet because David is quite adamant that we teach her we will be back, and so far she has been "fine" (I know because I check on her at least twice during service even if I do get a few "what are you doing here again?" looks.), but she has also been VERY excited to see us after service, and has now begun to get scared as soon as we get to church that we are going to leave her in the nursery.

So needless to say, as this conference drew closer and closer, I became more and more nervous about leaving my daughter for the whole day.  I knew that I would need to leave her with, not only someone I trusted, but someone that Kate trusted.  Alisha Bowen was the perfect person to ask. She has been a close friend for a few years now and Kate absolutely loves her.  Not only that but she has followed our story from the beginning and knows the difficulties and differences between biological children and newly adopted children and she loves Kate.  Despite the amazingness of Aunt Leesha, I was still dreading leaving my daughter.  As I dropped her off, I fought the urge to turn around and go back home.  The thoughts that seem to consistently overwhelm me are imaginations of Kate as an infant and a toddler without a mother, being passed from caretaker to caretaker, never knowing the stability or love of a mommy.  My prevailing concern is that she will relate me leaving her to the only other transition she has known which happened in China when she became a part of our family forever.  As I drove away, I felt spacklings of guilt in the back of my mind...after all, she has only been home two months. Was it too soon?

Kate had a great time at her Aunt Leesha's.  She played with Leesha's 5 kids, took a nap, went swimming, and even went to the potty a record 5 times.  However, when it came time to reunite with mommy, she RAN across the front yard and held on tight.  She seemed a bit suprised that I had come back for her...surprised but thrilled.  She is slowly learning that she finally belongs...forever!

Moving to Albany!

Moving to Albany!

Posted by Candace

Don't start spreading the rumor yet, I'm Just kidding!  But if God lead in that direction, we would pack up and move in a heartbeat.  No, we aren't starstruck or looking to attend some huge, famous church.  As a matter of fact, that was the last thought on our minds as we headed to Albany this weekend.  We were simply going to thank our amazing Emily Flynt for all of her help with our Kate adoption and meet her precious family.

There is nothing much near Albany.  The policemen obviously don't have a lot to do, because we entered Warwick County and were pulled over within 10 minutes by an officer who didn't have anything better to do than stop threats to society like us.  I say that, because as we were sitting and waiting for our ticket, 2 different concerned citizens (one actually laid on his horn at the officer; quite audaciously funny) stopped in the median to notify the officer that there was a wildfire about a mile up the street.  He called it in on his radio and then continued to slowly write us up for going 15 miles over the speed limit in the only area of this 4 lane road where the speed limit is 45 mph.  He apparently had no concern that his town was about to burn down.

Our hotel was not much to look at either.  All the hotels in the area were booked because of a summer baseball tournament, so we settled for a Comfort Inn.  Despite the pics on the website, when we arrived, we were told that there was no swimming pool which disappointed the boys considerably. The air conditioning not only didn't cool the room, but it made the most annoying noises and the shower wasn't much better either with it's constant shrill humming.  The only saving grace was that the room was extra large and included a sofa which is a must for us now that we have become 5.

                                           Napping after a rough first night in the hot room.

So why, you ask, did we love Albany so much?  Well, it began when the Flynt's invited us to their home the night we arrived to meet her kids and swim in the backyard.  When we pulled up in the driveway, 3 lovely blondes and 2 dark skinned beauties greeted us as if they had known us all their lives.  Jay and Emily's children are completely precious and very likely to follow in their footsteps and change the world.  Her oldest three girls look almost just like her, and her youngest two (adopted from China) look almost just like Kate :). 

Flynt and Roberts babies

Emily and Asher, their first son

She told me that she doesn't need sunscreen :).

This little girl is gonna take the world by storm!

As Emily and I began to talk, it was sooooo nice to feel like someone was speaking my language.  I can't explain it, but your life totally changes when you adopt a child and your perspective is completely different.  Just as a person without kids cannot fully relate to one with them, a person who has not traveled this road, cannot fully relate to one who has. Don't get me wrong, I love to talk to others who haven't adopted and share our story, but it is another conversation all together to have another adoptive mom understand and speak to the issues you are dealing with and the worries you are carrying. It is just a pair of shoes you have to walk in yourself to understand... and by the way, I fully recommend these shoes!  So it was so enjoyable to just be able to talk and ask questions and relate and tell stories.  We did that all weekend with the Flynt's.

Emily's husband, Jay, is a pastor at Sherwood Baptist Church. Sherwood is the church responsible for "FlyWheel", "Facing the Giants", "Fireproof", and "Courageous"...several movies that God has used incredibly in our quickly disinegrating culture.  The boys and I LOVE "Facing the Giants" and never tire of watching it.  So we were excited to visit the church and meet some of the actors.  We were not prepared to completely fall in love.  See these actors aren't famous at Sherwood...they are servants...some are ushers, some are prayer warriors, some are missionaries!  They were so gracious to us...they took pictures with our boys...they quoted lines from the movie with the boys...  Stephen Kendrick (writer and producer of the films), whose family is currently in the process of bringing home their daughter, Mia, from China, stood and talked with us for a half an hour...asking us questions about our process and praying with us about our future.  I got a kick out of discussing an idea for a Sherwood/Kendrick Brothers film centered around adoption!  Wouldn't that be wild!?!  Not only were all of the people friendly and welcoming, there was not a bit of pretentiousness over the "fame" of the church.  And the music...The music will be heard in heaven for sure.  Mark Willard is the only music minister David and I have ever heard who can seemlessly combine Prestonwood and Gateway music in a song set and make it seem like they are the same church...and then add in a hymn or two :).  We swooned.  The message was built on unadulterated truth and it was obvious that the church does not compromise the Word of God to draw seat fillers.  These people are serious about Jesus!!  It only got better in the evening service...did I just say evening service?...yes, I did.  It was a more casual atmosphere as far as dress was concerned, but it only got deeper in worship.  I was touched considerably at the people who walked to the altar in conviction as the service started to end pledging to lead their families to revival.  The stories of how God has opened doors for this church blew us away and we left totally confident that God is fully allowed to work in the ministry of Sherwood Baptist Church.

Brock :)

He was in Fireproof and Courageous.

This was their favorite.  He is one of the senior pastors of the church and you might also recognize him as the "lollipop opposing coach" in Facing the Giants.

So proud of Kate Kate!  She braved the nursery for both services.

In between services, Emily took our first family pictures and can I just say that I am SO excited to see them.  Even the unedited ones she showed us were pretty incredible and I can't wait to get them on my wall.  Catching Kate smiling on camera is a feat to behold and it doesn't help when it is 95 degrees and the knats are flying up her nose and in her eyes, but Emily patiently worked with us and got some really, really good shots.  After the evening service, we took the kids to Burger King so they could play on the playground (we weren't up to braving a sit down restaurant with 8 kids under 12) and we enjoyed often interrupted, God filled conversation until they kicked us out!  At this point, I was ready to look for houses. I am so thirsty for community I could cry, but I know that it is crucial at this point in our journey with Christ that we wait on Him.  He is seriously working in our family right now and we are being very cautious to follow His every direction.  We are at a point that we have surrendered it all, and we want Him to be able to use that to the fullest degree of His glory.

So, no, we aren't moving to Albany...at least not yet ;), but we sure did enjoy our short visit.  And before we left, God reminded us that His promises are always steadfast and faithful.  He will not leave us wandering.  Please pray that the ministry at Sherwood Baptist will continue to change lives for Christ around the world.

Moms: Many are Called, Few are Chosen

Moms: Many are Called, Few are Chosen

Posted by Candace

"They" say that if you wait to have kids until you are in your late twenties and early thirties that you will be a much better parent and have much happier children.  I feel like I am a better parent this time around, but it has nothing to do with my age.  I think it has everything to do with experience.  Poor Jordan and Nathan were the "guinea pigs" for my improved parenting skills.  They taught me everything that I know today about how to take care of this new 2 year old.  I thought that it would be torture to go back to the age of diapers and naps and dependency on mom for everything, but it has surprisingly been blissful.  I know how to do this and that has changed my parenting mode from barely "surviving" to almost "thriving".

Every mother is called to be a mom, but not every mom is chosen to undertake the path that I have just been placed on. You cannot imagine how grateful we are that God is working this way in our family. When we began our process to find Kate, we thought that we were searching to complete our family with a daughter.  God, however, had other plans...or at least that is what we feel in our hearts.  We are currently praying for Him to open doors that lead to any children of ours around the world.  David asks me pretty much every day if I am ready to start the process again.  When I was little, I wanted to have 10 kids.  After I finished my pregnancy and labor with Jordan, I wanted to have 3.  After Nathan and his cleft palate woes along with Jordan's toddler years and David's new business, I was done.  After Kate, I wouldn't mind having 10. Seriously? Only God knows.  Where will the money come from?  I couldn't tell you.  How will the boys handle multiple new siblings from other countries?  No idea.  Why me?  If you know, please enlighten the rest of us.  I don't have answers, but I have a really amazing God who does.  As we watch Kate transform right before our eyes and realize that we are literally playing a part in the redemption of our great God, how can we not do this again...and again...and again for as long as He calls and continues to provide the resources, means, and open doors.  We might be crazy, but if we aren't doing something that involves risk for Jesus, than what are we really doing here. 

My vision for our family is that when it is complete, it will look a little bit like heaven...a family full of different colors and races, all uniting to worship the One True God.  I don't even know the next step at this point, but please pray that God will have His way in completing what He has started.  If this vision is to be fulfilled...if this is what we have been called to and chosen for, it will take a lot more than David and Candace Roberts.  So if in 10 years, you see us with our 10 kids on Facebook, don't be surprised, but also remember this post and give the glory where it is due.

Truth and the Next Generation

Truth and the Next Generation

Posted by Candace

So I have to vent today... you are welcome to skip this post if you want, but I needed an outlet for some recent thoughts and guess what... this is it!

I am concerned...and not just concerned...I am terrified for the next generation.  For our sons and daughters that we are currently raising in a society of "anything goes".  I had a 10 minute conversation today with an older man who remembers the days when you could bring water guns and pocket knives to school...the days where cowboys and indians were the favorite child game...the days where the good guys and bad guys were so far apart in their character that you would never, ever mistake them for each other. 

Today is a different day.  Truth is elusive and has been redefined as "whatever floats your boat".  Children are being inundated with this philosophy.  My sister is a counselor in the public school system that they are actually taught never to tell the children "no"...it is negative and damaging.  As a matter of fact, they are not given any leeway to counsel the children in a direction that would actually help them, only to reinforce their "self esteem" and their "individual" way of dealing with the world around them.  It is now "damaging" and "brainwashing" to our children to teach them the right way of doing things... instead we should give them choices and light suggestions for life, but let them form their own opinions.  We are suffering heavily for this "hands off" approach to teaching and parenting our children.  You see it in the bullying, in the drugs, in the suicides, in the gangs, in the murders, in the cutting, in the sexual promiscuity...how many of you don't know someone who has been affected by this new philosophy.  Our children are lost...they are wandering...they are searching for truth and they are suffering, and I am afraid this next generation of adults will easily be like the people of Germany when Hitler came on the scene... people looking for a leader, any leader, who sounds like he has a plan to make life good again...anyone who will promise to love them and make them feel like they are worth something.  The next generation will be ripe for deception. They don't realize that the problem lies, not in lack of a great world leader, but in their very soul.

It would be bad enough to watch all of this go on in the world of unbelievers, but this philosophy has seeped into the church as well.  Grace is the word of our culture today.  It is almost difficult to say anything is "wrong" without being looked on as a judgemental legalist.  You can even back it up with Scripture and  Christians will still be angered that you are not being understanding and accepting.  How far are we going to take this?  How many portions of Scripture are we going to throw out to fit our image of the Jesus who went around "understanding" everyone? I wish I had a quarter for every time someone says "Well, God understands me.  He knows how I am."  This is just another way of saying, "I'm not changing even if God did say it, so He better just understand."  Did we miss the part of the woman caught in adultery when He says "Go and sin no more."?  Did we overlook the story of the rich young ruler who chose his material possessions over the Saviour and how Jesus compares him to a camel trying to go through the eye of a needle?  He didn't run after him and say "I'm sorry I offended you...never mind, keep all your stuff, just come follow me".  He was pretty cut and dry about what it required to be His followers.  When are we going to give up the "understanding", "acceptance", and "tolerance" bit and finally stand for truth?  Not in a hard, heartless way, but in a way that draws a line in the sand and says "we love you, but we're not crossing it". I know it is hard for people to believe, but they kicked people out of the church in Paul's day...people that chose to consistently live in sin after they were corrected.  And YES, the church corrected people.  The leaders were all up in your business, not because they were nosy and like to spread gossip, but because they were SHEPHERDS watching out for their sheep.  Today's American church has started to bring up whiney, comfortable, self-serving hypocrites who just "aren't going to take it".  If we don't like something, we leave and find somewhere we do like.  Shepherds can no longer correct sheep because they might leave and take their wool with them.  When is the last time you have heard about or seen a pastor correct one of his church members for blatant and obvious sin that was seeping into the congregation (By no means am I saying that every pastor fails in this capacity, there are some really good pastors out there... just few and far between these days it seems)?  When is the last time you, yourself, have been approached by a pastor or godly friend when you were in danger of making a sinful decision?  No, today we are told that if we love that person enough they will change their behavior...the godly thing to do is to just ignore it, mind our own business, let them live their life, and leave it to God, after all only He is the judge.  I'm not saying that church members should be in the business of correcting every one's sin...for one thing, most of us already have huge planks of our own sin in our eyes and for another thing, in today's culture certain church members would relish the opportunity to put someone in their place... but I do think there is Scriptural advice and even command to correct someone when they are going astray (with love as the only motive, of course). The example our children are seeing in the church is worse than in the world, because we are supposed to be the light...but if even your light is dark, how great is that darkness.  We are being taught even as children these days that correction in itself is wrong and has no place in a society full of grace. 

I could probably vent about this for days, but I have probably already been offensive enough (I have no doubt there have been thoughts at this point that I have been judgemental), so I will just sum up my point.  There IS truth.  Truth and grace and discipline all go hand in hand.  As a matter of fact, most often in the Bible, "grace" is referring to the ability to walk in the truth, NOT a free pass to get around it.  God created the world and then He offered us a "how to" manual...directions on the best way to live in it. If we don't follow the directions, we should not be surprised when our lives are in shambles and we can't find peace or joy.  God was adamant about teaching His Word to our children and giving them a strong foundation on which to build their lives on.  If we don't start to teach our children truth right now, they will never be able to navigate this next generation.  If we don't teach them that truth is not moveable, it is steadfast...it is not relative, it is absolute... it is not optional, it is mandatory...that some things are absolutely right and some are absolutely wrong...we will see them swept away into the sea of restlessness and abandon.  We are starting to see the results of a world where truth is what we make it... I don't know about you, but it is no world that I want to live in.  There is HOPE, of course in Jesus, but also in the hands of those who will not conform, but instead will fight to transform the next generation with truth.

Why don't I just mind my own business, you ask?  Well, because right now I am raising 3 beautiful, innocent, priceless little humans and it breaks my heart to think of turning them loose in a world such as ours.  I can only pray every day that the Holy Spirit will invade their hearts and give them the strength, courage, and grace to live the Truth, and that He will surround them with others who have been raised to value it.