Waiting on You, Lord

Waiting on You, Lord

Posted by Candace

I haven't posted lately because I have just been swamped with this paperwork trimester of adoption. Seems I get one thing finished, or so I think, and either I didn't have it exactly correct or it needs some thing else added to it. Last week I visited 2 police departments, 2 doctors offices, DFCS, and an employer all in one day and came home with nothing completed to show for it. This week I am busy collecting everything that I distributed last week. As I type this I am waiting on a tax return from 2009 to print out that seems to be 1000 pages long. But all in all things are coming together and I should be ready to send back a mountain of paperwork sometime next week. This is just the beginning of the home study though. We haven't even had the first visit with a social worker, so hopefully this is the hardest part of what is in store.

In the midst of keeping up with 2 jobs and finding a way to get forms completed and notarized and turned in, I have also found myself searching for a way to keep up with things on the homefront. Any of you who know me, know that my homemaking skills are lacking :). I am a "fly by the seat of my pants" type girl who hates routine and struggles with discipline. Sometimes, believe it or not (for some of my OCD friends out there), this can be a good thing. I rarely get stressed with things that are last minute or spontaneous... it is the little mistakes here and there or the little whispers in my ear that "I should do this" and "I should be doing that",they overwhelm me... and I couldn't figure out why until a friend of mine put her finger on it the other day. "You're a perfectionist, aren't you?" and the answer in my head was that if you ever saw my house, you would never feel the need to ask that again. And then I took the time to think about it for a minute. Lately I have been feeling very overwhelmed, stressed, and pretty much like a "screw up". I've been on high alert to my mistakes in this adoption process, at work, with my kids and my dog, at home, pretty much everywhere. These were all piling up high around me yesterday when this question was asked. So here is the answer, Kelly, "Hi, my name is Candace and I am a perfectionist." I know, crazy, right? I can guarantee as my mother-in-law is reading this, she thinks it is (Love you, Mom). But I really do expect myself to be perfect. I don't hold that expectation for life or for anybody around me, but I hold myself to standards that I can't always meet. You never really have to get upset at me for a mistake...all you have to do is point it out and I am already beating myself with a baseball bat. So yesterday afternoon, as I was planning out how I was going to become super housekeeper on top of everything else, I pretty much lost it. I haven't cried in a while, so David was quite puzzled when I burst into tears. He, of course, was asking himself and me what he did (Poor guy. He has been the brunt of a good many crying episodes). And in that moment when the tears began to fall, I felt my Father in heaven put His arms around me and speak soothing words to my heart. "It's okay, Candace. I am here. I am the reason you don't have to worry about being good enough. I see your heart, Candace. Quit being so hard on yourself and just do the best you can." Well, perfectionist me is balling by now, thinking about how I don't even deserve for Jesus to be comforting me... I mean I haven't read my Bible enough or prayed enough or had enough quiet moments with Him. You know what, I am not good enough...but He still loves me. How in the world can we resist such love!

So today I have done as God requested, picked myself up and I am trying again, realizing that perfection is not an option. I may not ever have a spotless house... I may not ever be employee of the year... When my kids grow up, they may have some stories to tell about the mistakes mom made... and I may not ever reach even my expectations for myself... but when David wrapped me in his arms last night and asked what he could do to help, my answer was "you already have". I realized that David loves me just as God does... because I am his gift from God, not because of what I do or don't do right. I love my children here and in China because they are my gifts from God, not because they will never make a mistake. When we have the power of Christ living in us, this is how we should love, overlooking the faults of others. And when we are loved in such a way, we should NEVER take it for granted.

Perspective, Perspective & Perspective

Perspective, Perspective & Perspective

Posted by David Roberts

My awesome wife finished up her blog updates yesterday, and I sit here tonight on the back porch with the sun going down, family close following a great evening last night catching up with old friends giving serious consideration to the ramifications on perspective in the life of those of us who call ourselves "followers of Christ".

I find it interesting that someone as out there as Friedrich Nietzsche got it more correct than most of us do in so called Christian circles when he said "You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” With very few exceptions on foundational principles of God, existence and laws of nature/life, perspective is everything and we usually get it wrong, no matter how right we think we are. On our way home last night in the car, we (Candace and I without the boys amazingly) discussed how often we are down on our close neighbors for getting something wrong (theology, personality, sin...) in daily life and then we go out and fly halfway around the world to "change someone else's life" who has it, in our opinion, way more wrong in their view on life. Why do we do this? What makes us attack and draw hard lines with those close to us and near us while we spend our lives as followers of Christ going after others that are far worse off by our localized standard of judgment.

I cannot put my finger on it over the last few years where it changed for me, but I have to say that sometimes you just have to go in some totally different directions and get exposed to much more than our superficial and controlled/localized world to see the big picture. Anything else leaves us with a highly ignorant perspective on life, God and most obviously those closest to us and around us. Many of those around us have incredible amounts to offer up to God, society and personal friendships if we will only get past our perspective and let them.

I cannot wait to hopefully soon get on a plane to the other side of the world and pick up those 2 little girls that have absolutely zero in common with me and my family to bring them back and expose my family to yet another new and amazing perspective. Our perspective is so often skewed based on our localized environment which is such a pity. We do not even know what we are missing.

I started reading "The Scent of Water" this week by Naomi Zacharias. This is all while my wife is reading "The Hole in our Gospel" by the founder of World Vision. The opening lines of chapter 1 tells a story that is worth repeating: "I was twenty-seven when I first read the story about the Hasidic rabbi who told his people that if they studied the Torah, it would put Scriptures on their hearts. A woman asked him, "But why on our hearts instead of in them?" The rabbi answered, "Only God can put Scriptures inside. But reading sacred text can put it on your hearts, and when your hearts break, the holy words will fall inside."

I pray now daily that maybe before I die, that all that learning, teaching and studying of the Scriptures over the last 35 years will somehow become real and go beyond simple words on pages. Sometimes it takes a tragedy, broken heart or more to make it real. May we continue to head in the right direction always and keep in mind when we come in contact with those who seem to have it different than we do: perspective, perspective & perspective...

Making the Most of Opportunity

Making the Most of Opportunity

Posted by Candace

Today as I write Japan has suffered a horrible natural disaster. As if an 8.9 magnitude earthquake wasn't enough, it created a tsunami that reached 33 feet in some areas. The pictures and videos have been devastating to take in and even though it is thousands of miles away, that doesn't change the fact that these are families just like ours. It is difficult for us all to watch as we cannot even imaging what they are facing. These people lived quiet lives...most of them were probably innocent citizens...some were Christians...and yet none were spared from facing the worst earthquake disaster ever to affect Japan. Our hearts go out to these people as do our prayers. May God not waste these hurts, but may He use this as an opportunity to save many.

We are still knee deep in paperwork for our home study. Seems like every time we get one thing completed, another thing pops up that we need to take care of. Such is life. I have been ridiculously busy lately as I try to keep up with 5 different "main" things. David has been so helpful and even agreed to take a day off next week to run around with me and hold my head on :). This week we got letters out to all our employers (there are at least 3) and am sending up prayers that those will come back properly notarized in a timely fashion. Next week will be doctors offices, police station again, and DFaCs...yay! Bet you wish you were me. Thankfully our criminal records came back clean from the FBI...I'm not sure what I was expecting, but I was actually nervous as I opened the packet. Neither of us leads an obvious double life, so that is good. I still have a goal of the end of March, but as quickly as March is passing, I may need to be more realistic. We'll see after next week.

Some challenging adoption news was also reported this week. Ethiopia announced that it is cutting its international adoptions program by 90%. This is a major blow to a good many potential adoptive parents and a good many orphaned children. Just as in other countries, the reasoning is that a small percentage of these children end up in bad situations. Please be in prayer that this country will do what is best for their children. Of course, all abuse possible should be eradicated, but there also must be consideration to the thousands of children that can barely be fed and clothed in the orphanages.

Lastly, I read something interesting the other day and wanted to share. I have written before about the role we play in the lives of people around us and the opportunities that we are presented with every day to show love. It has rarely occurred to me that we should consciously assess each person and each situation before we decide HOW to show that love. We are all different. The way that I love each of my children is different. I know their ins and outs, so I know what is most effective in showing them they are loved. So it with those around us. One person may just need silence and a hug, while another needs encouraging words, while still another may need a good kick in the pants (I don't mean literally, of course). As I was reading a commentary on the story of Martha and Mary, I came across this...

"Here is one of the great difficulties of life. So often we want to be kind to people, but we want to be kind to them in our way; and should it happen that our way is not the necessary way, we sometimes take offense and think that we are not appreciated. If we are trying to be kind the first necessity is to try to see into the heart of the person we desire help - then to forget all of our own plans and think of only what he or she needs."

I certainly would love to have more friends in my life who think this way, so I know it is necessary for me to become that kind of friend. Putting others before ourselves entirely involves this kind of love.

Please pray for Japan this week and also for Ethiopia...and then there is Libya. There are just a lot of countries that need our prayers...including our own. Also please pray that we will get this paperwork done quickly and correctly as one small discrepancy will hold up the whole thing.

Thank you so much for following this journey with us. It is wonderful to know how much support we have and how many people are praying for us.

The End of Roberts' Privacy :)

The End of Roberts' Privacy :)

Posted by Candace

So we got our home study paperwork in the mail yesterday and just call me "Eager Beaver" :). I am sure the USPS lady was happy to be spared my face waiting at the mailbox today (Just kidding, I'm not quite that bad. I waited inside the house until she drove off). I am diving into it without restraint...well, maybe a little restraint since I still work 2 jobs, have 2 kids and a very ADD puppy, and volunteer on the PTF board at the boys' school. Let's just say that I have a goal to have the entire home study done by the end of March...which is about half the time that they are usually completed. We shall see... I know that I aim high, but why not... life is short.

I used to think that I was a pretty open person that was not bothered by personal questions or worried about giving information about myself, my life, my feelings, etc... and then I opened this packet. We have to fill out detailed paperwork on just about everything about us... I mean, someone could write a good "tell all" Robert's family book after our home study is completed (Don't worry all you extended family Roberts'. I am just talking about our immediate family. We will leave out all the holiday fun we have had over the years :). I don't think I am bothered by anything individually... a financial statement is not a big deal, neither is a full medical history, or an autobiography, or criminal record checks, etc., etc. I think the "irk" comes in at the comprehensiveness of what we are about to reveal to total strangers, so that they can put a rubber stamp on our lifestyle and parenting skills. For all I know, they could find me lacking in a good many areas that I have spent years working on...am I strong enough to think of myself as a good parent even if that is the case? I mean, here we are the dad and mom of a 10 year old and 8 year old, and these people could come in and say, "we're sorry, you don't meet the criteria of a good parent". So I guess I am realizing that this is more than just about us as adoptive parents... it feels like a test of how well we are doing with our current children as well. Scary! Not that I am not thrilled to be at this point in the journey, but I guess it never even occurred to me that I would feel this way. Like I said, I am not a private person, but I now have a little bit more sympathy for people who are in a world like this one.

So I have found one more similarity of childbirth and adoption. In childbirth, you have to reveal just about everything, but in a physical sense... in adoption, you are revealing just about everything, but you can keep your clothes on. Not sure at this point which one I would rather do, but I will keep you updated... lol. Either way, when you get to the end, you find that it is totally worth it. And in that I find hope...

Pray for this non-detailed person as I lead our family in chasing down forms, typing up answers to questions, and running the numbers. Lord knows how much I will need it :).

On another note, life has become quite overwhelming lately. Maybe we are being prepared for the rest of our lives :). We are finding not much around us to be really stable and some days we want to jump off the merry-go-around. What keeps me moving forward on most days lately is the thought of close friends who are going through much worse than we are. I know that they are praying the same prayers I am, except in some of those situations, those prayers are filled with grief, pain, life and death. Comparatively our life craziness is mild, and most days, before I complain I choose to remember "it could be worse". If we know Jesus, if we are breathing, if we are loved by someone, if we are eating every day, we have nothing to complain about, and most of us have something we can give to those who are not so blessed. If we can turn our focus onto what we can give, instead of what we are not getting, not only will we be more happy individually, but the world will change. Right now, do you see anything more needed than world change? It begins one person at a time.