For Better or For Worse...

For Better or For Worse...

Posted by Candace

Talked to our case worker this morning and the referral list that was supposed to come out this week, actually may be coming out next week. Evidently the agency in China that handles the list had a week off last week so that may have delayed it a little. So, you guessed it...more waiting.


Tremendously heavy hearted for marriages lately. In fact, so burdened that this has got to come out of me even though it is always a risky subject. I know of so many marriages that are struggling right now, so many people tempted to walk away, others walking. The enemy would like nothing more then to divide husbands and wives. He is fighting with all he has right now against the very institution that God uses to create life.

I would like to start out by saying that sometimes a relationship cannot be saved. The Bible gives a exception for divorce in Matthew 19:4-9 when Jesus says that Moses permitted the Isrealites to divorce and remarry in cases of adultery. Our God knows that the issue of trust is HUGE in a relationship. There are also many instances in our culture where physical and mental abuse are taking place and the best thing for all parties is a seperation or divorce. The Bible doesn't directly speak to this, but the tone of the Bible is nontolerance of abuse of this kind...especially in the case of children. We are the protectors of our children and sometimes we must remove them from situations. So I just wanted to importantly note those exceptions before I make my case for marriage :).

That being said, I would like to point out something specific that Jesus also says in this passage (Matthew 19: 4-9), because we like to skip over it. We like to skip over it, because it makes us very uncomfortable and quite frankly, it convicts.
"'Haven't you read', he replied, 'that He who created them in the beginning made them male and female,' and He also said: 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?' 'Why then,' they asked Him, 'did Moses command us to give divorce papers and to send her away?' He answered them 'Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because of the hardness of your hearts. But it was not like that from the beginning. And I tell you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.'"
Yes, Jesus just said that if someone gets divorced, except in cases of adultery, and marries another, they are actually committing the sin of adultery. Why would He say such a thing? If you look at the two intro verses, you will see why. The weight He gives marriage is incredible. Two people become one person. This isn't just a physical reference. It is a spiritual one. Our hearts join and to seperate them leaves each person with half a heart. We like to call it "baggage" in society today. He goes a step further in Mark 10:11
"'Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. Also, if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery."

What if every Christian really believed the Bible and lived by it? What if when we were choosing our life partner we felt the gravity of "Til death do us part"? What if we didn't give ourselves an "out"? What if we never thought "I could do so much better than this" without our next thought being "but I would be sinning just as much as if I were cheating on my spouse right now"? If remarrying while a faithful ex-spouse is still living is adultery (Jesus said it, not me), then getting divorced means being alone for the rest of your life, or sinning against God. If the choice were to be married to your spouse or to be alone, wouldn't that put a whole different perspective on things than what we all think the choice is today...to be married or to be "single and looking"? I think that is exactly what Jesus was trying to do. Note to remarried people: I am definitely not trying to bring condemnation here. Adultery (which comes in all kinds of forms) is an exception to all of this and ultimately this is between you and God. I am very sensitive to this Scripture as David and I both have remarried parents who we love very much. I am simply making a point about how strongly God feels about the institute of marriage and how much our culture has watered it down. If you are remarried, this applies to your current marriage, just as much as the first one.

When David and I got married, we agreed that divorce was NOT an option. We were either going to be really miserable together or we were going to work on our marriage and make it the best that we could. We felt strongly about this as we both believe in the blessings of faithfulness to God and we both had seen firsthand the havoc divorce can wreak. Honestly, for the first 8 years, I was mostly miserable. David and I are complete opposites. I am not making that up... we have the personality tests to prove it. Not only did we have that working against us, but we both come from broken homes. To make matters worse, I have always been a little bit...okay, a lot oversensitive, and David has, ummm....let's just say.... lacked communication skills when it comes to sensitivity. So I was one huge ball of hurt feelings for many years. There are two times that I can think of that things got so bad that the "D" word crossed my mind. Both times, I spent hours wrestling with God about the unfairness of what He had chosen for me. Both times, I wanted out so bad I could taste it. Both times, I tried to rationalize it as being the best thing for everybody. Both times, freedom seemed to be escape. And both times, God reached down in His faithfulness, clarified that true freedom is found in obedience, and gave me the strength to move forward in my marriage. He knows your heart. He will put up the roadblocks when He knows you need them. You might roll right over those roadblocks, but they are there...his loving Hand saying "Wait it out. Keep praying. Don't give up on your spouse. Hope!" Personally I have seen God not only transform David through the toughest times in my marriage, but transform me the most. It wasn't overnight, but He always gave the strength and hope to continue the journey. We still fight it out sometimes, but we have grown leaps and bounds, and our marriage is strong today. David is my absolute best friend and I will fight for this precious relationship.

You may not want that strength and hope. You may be purposely not praying because you are afraid that God might speak and tell you to stay and work and fight for your marriage. Ultimately you may believe a good bit more in your happiness than your holiness... but friend, happiness is fleeting and temporary...holiness is eternal. Your God loves you enough to want what is best for you, not what is easiest. His grace is enough, for His strength is made perfect in weakness.

My biggest hope for my marriage is the stability it brings to a family. As a product of divorce, I can speak to its long term effects on a child, as I'm sure could a good many of you. God's grace is always present in the aftermath, but the pain can be overwhelming at times. I still, to this day, wish my parents would have stayed together. I don't know that I will ever stop wondering what life would be like if they had. Maybe it would be really bad, but not if they both had agreed to work on it. I know many people who have gotten past the high school graduation of their kids and felt that they have "made it" to the end of their marriage and now their kids will be "okay" with parents that live in two different locations. I graduated about a year after my parents divorced, but I still have a longing to have had a childhood and adulthood filled with my parents together. I still long to have stalwart examples for David and myself. Yes, I have moved on...but I still have a void that comes out at 50th wedding anniversaries or commercials about happy families or fights with David that I know are outworkings of divorce damage.

So if you are struggling with this at all, I ask you to bring the matter before the throne. Struggle with God about it. You don't have to agree with Him, but I ask you to at least have the fight with Him. He can put it into perspective. He can give courses of action. He can help you courageously pray and wait. And I can tell you that in the end, there is NOTHING more fulfilling than knowing that you did the right thing and God was pleased with it and honored it. Don't rush to make yourself happy...Wait, and let God make you holy.

PS. Our pastor begins a new series about marriage at The Orchard (off of Hwy 81) on Sunday, October 30th. You should come :).

Reputation vs. Character

Reputation vs. Character

Posted by Candace

I need to write. I have a blog. Just for those of you wondering why this post will not contain any new adoption news. I have none. We are waiting. And just when we think we are done waiting...more waiting :).

No, I need to write about something else. To get my thoughts out on paper and watch them become cohesive...maybe. I need to write about reputation, and something bigger and more encompassing than reputation...character.

I came across a post on Facebook the other day that characterized the two as follows. "Character is who a person really is, Reputation is just what others think he is." As I began to think on this, I realized that most of us value our reputation over our character...at least I have, up until now. It took me a little bit to admit it. I wanted to think that developing my character meant more to me then working on my reputation, until someone brought up something that happened last year that I was less than proud of. Truth be told, this incident had worked together for good to develop my character, but when it was mentioned by someone who I had no idea even knew about it, I felt concerned for my reputation. I wanted to clear myself, set the record straight, make sure the person knew that I was just as great as they had thought that I was...but deep down I knew that I had simply needed a lesson in character and God had given it to me. I felt God's loving voice say, "Candace, would you have saved your reputation at the expense of your character?" And this is the real me, "Why yes, God, I would have. I would have spared myself any embarrassment at all costs." Thank God that He doesn't spare us embarrassment at times! Thank God that He doesn't let us stew in our issues unaware! Thank God that He cares much more about character than our reputation.

This was my first clue that my reputation has become an idol in my life...that my people pleasing behavior is sin...that I fear man more than I fear God. Not that reputation is a bad thing. We should maintain a good reputation with most people, but that reputation should be an outworking of true character... not protected at all costs so that we can get warm fuzzies about what society thinks and says about us. I was reminded again today as it became necessary for someone to address certain failings of mine. I found throughout the conversation that my main concern was not to correct the failings, but instead to make sure that I came out looking perfect. Because God had already pointed to this reputation issue in my life, I was able to handle this situation with a much better perspective than usual. But it still cut deep that someone might think something about me that was probably completely true, but I didn't want them to think. And as I was stewing about it afterwards and wondering why in world this stuff gets to me so much, I was asked... "Are you more concerned with your reputation or your character?" And because God knows the answer, He followed up with.. "Are you willing to hurt to change it?"

When I stand before the throne one day, it will not matter one bit what anyone thought I was. I won't be able to call witnesses to the stand or obtain reference letters. It wouldn't matter anyway, because the Lord looks directly into our hearts. Every day that we live, He sees the thoughts and the intents that we harbor, whether knowingly or unknowingly. He puts opportunities in front of us to change that sometimes feel like a curse, because He knows our potential. He knows what He created us to be. He knows how much better our life is when He is our Master. We can create a pretty good reputation... whenever, with whoever...if we try hard enough, but He alone can develop character. No, my reputation will not stand before the judgment seat, my character will.

Jesus never taught a "fake it til you make it" mentality. His disciples came to Him rough around the edges, real, full of themselves, concerned about getting their fair share... but after their time with Him, through many rough patches that developed their character, they became devoted witnesses who gave even their lives for His kingdom. When we read the New Testament, we see how little Jesus' reputation meant to Him and after a while how His disciples followed suit.

I think this will be one of the most challenging journeys that I begin in my walk with Christ. I could share ten reasons why, but I'd like to end this post with anyone reading it still awake. Suffice it to say that since I was a very small girl I have built my world around what everyone else thinks I am. Hard thing to admit, but true nonetheless. I have held my identity out to anyone and everyone, hoping that they would tell me who I am. Some people unknowingly launched me skyward, some people naively crushed me under their feet, others simply carried me, but none of them knew me like the One who created me. He is the One who tells me who I am. He is the One worth believing. His Words are the ones truly safe to build my world around. The other safe, comfortable, but equally false world of relying on reputation has to come down, and though I am frightened to see what happens when it does, come down it will. The words that will soon grace Kate's wall bring hope... "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly."

October 4th! Somebody Write it Down!

October 4th! Somebody Write it Down!

Posted by Candace

Gosh, I never cease to be amazed at God. He is ever so faithful and always comes through. I rarely even question it any more, because He just shows up at the right time.

About two weeks ago, I received a call from our adoption agency informing me that we were missing a Dr. explanation letter for David's recent back surgery. As rushed as I was to get this letter to our completed dossier, I was delayed by the fact that we had booked a cruise over fall break and would be gone for 5 days. I requested that the letter be mailed to me while we were on that trip and left thinking I would mail it right to the adoption agency when I got back.

The cruise is a whole nother post in itself, but needless to say it was quite torturous. It started with the fact that most of the ship stayed up to all hours of the morning "Party Hardying" right outside our door. After the second night of less then 2 hours of sleep, I was ready to get off, but as you know, on a cruise you are stuck, whether you like it or not. That fact made me feel very "trapped" and it was all I could do not to beg David to get us a flight out of Jamaica :). The days at sea were filled just trying to avoid all the inappropriateness going on and find some family friendly activities...most days we just resigned ourselves to the cabin. The stop that I got off at, Jamaica, turned out to be quite a tourist trap and after be "conned" out of all of the cash we brought off board, we were anxious to get back on the ship for another sleepless night. We did enjoy getting to experience the dolphins and the wild life at Dolphin Cove, but other then that, it was craziness. I didn't even get to get off the boat at the Caymans because I had not slept AT ALL the night before and I was completely exhausted. David and the boys went to see the stingrays and the turtles while I took a Benadryl and tried to catch some "zzzz's" while the party people were enjoying the island. Of course, when my family returned they were quick to inform me that the Cayman stop was the best of the whole trip. Hmmmm.... I was soooo happy when our feet were finally back in the US... and I am a little bit less of a travel person than ever. Home, sweet home is alright with me. I did think that it was very ironic that the name of our ship was the "Destiny". I have a feeling that we are about to step right into ours :)!

After this experience, we decided that it is probably best for David to make the trip to China on his own. As much as I hate to miss it and not be there, I would just end up making it more difficult in the long run. I am not a good traveler and am not good for long periods of time away from home and in large crowds, etc, etc. All of which is required for this trip. The flights we have checked on are upwards of $1700 and so taking the whole family is pretty much out, and since I am very sure I would be nervous wreck on the other side of the world without my children, it just seems the best plan for David to go himself. I am actually excited for him to be able to be a full time dad for two weeks and bond with our little girl. I know that if I did go, he would end up letting me do everything and I think the bonding that will take place while he takes care of her on his own with be incredible. They will get off to an amazing start.

So we got home from the cruise last Thursday and the first thing I did was check the mail... no letter. So the next day I called the Dr. office and picked it up. Then I mailed it regular mail to the adoption agency. I guess God then decided that we needed a little drama, because our coordinator called and said that China was changing some of their procedures and if the letter did not arrive by today, we would have to complete 3 more docs which would cause another delay. So once again we prayed, knowing that ultimately the timing belongs to God... And 20 minutes ago I received a call from the agency assuring us that all is well and our packet was mailed on time. So TODAY, the paperwork that consumed us for 6 months is on its way overseas...next stop China!!! This means that we should be on the referral list for October which should come out in a couple of weeks. We are almost there!

Thank you so much for your prayers and for your support. Please continue to pray that God will be very present in this journey and that everything will go according to His will.

Little Pieces of Heaven

Little Pieces of Heaven

Posted by Candace

Documents are now on their way to China!!! Well, sorta... I sent them off to the adoption agency on Tuesday. They should arrive tomorrow and then they will be sent off for translation and then off to the Chinese government. Our case worker thinks that we will have our referral somewhere around September 20th!!!! The referral will include a picture of our child and her background information. I really am having a hard time waiting to meet her. Emily (our case worker) says that these days are a piece of cake compared to the waiting that takes place after we have laid eyes on our real life child stuck all the way across the world in China until we get approval to travel. Yep, I can see that.

This week has been tough. I can't quite put my finger on why, but I think it has something to do with our return from Family Camp. Family Camp at Sharptop Cove is a little piece of heaven. We are so thankful to Dad and Liz for this gift that they give us every year. The opportunity to leave the world of technology and spend quality time with family in a place of beauty is completely amazing...but add to that the focused time with God and the spirit of Jesus that surrounds this incredible ministry and it is a bit more than just a vacation. Every year my spirit drops when it is time to leave. I mean, who wants to leave heaven? Who wants to go home and cook their own meals...lol? Not me! So coming home to "normal" was a bit hard for me this year. I had to jump right in to school craziness, event planning for an event that I am responsible for in just 10 days, and bookkeeping work. It just hit me in the face and overwhelmed me. As I was crying myself to sleep last night, the voice of our Saviour whispered sweetly in my ear and calmed my frustrations. He is always so sweet and gracious when we need Him the most and yesterday was one of those days.

So tonight I sit here reflecting on the little glimpses of heaven that we get here on earth. Things like babies being born, the first cool fall breeze, kisses from someone in love with us, happy times with family and friends, and the moments when we know that we know Jesus, Himself, is holding us...little pieces of an eternal future. This is just our temporary residence. One day we will not have to struggle and keep up and cling to the merry-go-round of life. We will be free and we will be at rest in a place of purity and joy everlasting. Definitely something to look forward to! But until then, I will happily anticipate holding our daughter in my arms for the first time...totally believe that will be heaven on earth :).

I love You, Jesus!

The Country Blonde Goes to Atlanta

The Country Blonde Goes to Atlanta

Posted by Candace

They say that if it can go wrong, it will. I must be a secret optimist, because I am rarely prepared for anything to go wrong. And if it does, I am always convinced it can be fixed at the last minute. Hopefully, for my own sake, I am right.
Last week we received our approval from the US immigration office to proceed with our adoption. After six weeks of waiting, I was more then ready to proceed. So after 2 days of visiting what seemed like every courthouse and police department known to man, I had my documents ready for the State authentication. This is done at the Secretary of State's election division in the middle of downtown Atlanta.
Normally I would wait for a day that David could go with me, because not only am I a complete blonde when it comes to navigating Atlanta's one way streets, but I am too small to fight off any "would be" attackers and too nice to not give my life savings away to the tragic amount of homeless people. But when I am ready to get something completed, it is hard to talk myself out of it. So off I went this morning to lessen the days that my child will wait for her family.
All was well until I got off at the Hill St. exit. It suddenly occurred to me (somehow it hadn't before... I don't really think things out all that well sometimes) that I would need to park my car somewhere where it wouldn't get towed in downtown. Easier said then done... especially on a Monday at lunch time. Panic welled up in my chest as I found myself on one street after another trying not to get hit, not to hit anyone, not to go down a one way street, and to find a public parking lot that wasn't a mile from the Capitol or in the shady part of an alley. I finally decided on one off of Pryor street...hey, at least I could see the Capitol from there. I got out and started walking toward what I thought was my destination. Six blocks and 10 street crossings later, I was covered in sweat and walking up the steps of the Capitol building. A kind security officer informed me that my journey was not yet over because the building that I needed was further down the street. Hmmm...all I can say is never pray that God will start giving you opportunity to get your exercise in throughout the day...He don't play!
I finally arrived at the Floyd West Tower and ventured up to the 8th floor where the office I needed was located. The first thing that the lady that helped me said was that there was a problem with the birth certificate that I was providing for David and that I would have to visit the Vital Records office in Decatur for another one. I almost laughed. Instead I prayed...."God, if there is any way that You can get me out of going to Decatur today, please, please do it!" Well, the answer was a big fat "no" :). I guess I needed more exercise. So I got 15 of my docs authenticated and then headed back to my car six blocks away.
Now I will say a complete miracle happened today...if you know anything about me and anywhere in Atlanta, you will know that for me not to get fully and completely lost, is pretty much a miracle, especially since I had to find I-85 N to get to Decatur. I won't tell you how many times I turned around or went down the wrong street, but finally I was on the right interstate and eventually in Decatur.
The vital records office in Decatur is actually hidden within an apartment complex, which was completely confusing, but nonetheless I found it and walked in...to a waiting room of people no less. I was given a form to fill out and told that I need cash to pay for it. The only method of payment that I was not prepared for. I took the form and told the lady that I would be right back. She didn't seem to care if I was or not. I drove up to a gas station and went ahead and filled my tank so there was no chance that I would get stranded in Atlanta (that "58 miles left" goes quick when you have to renavigate streets). Then I went in to use the ATM..."out of service"...of course it was. As I exited to find another gas station, I spotted a Quick trip right up the street... it almost looked like the pearly gates at that particular moment, what a great gas station QT is! I finally got the money I needed and drove back to the vital records office. Within about 20 minutes, I had the birth certificate and was on my way back to Atlanta.
Now I completely know what Paul was talking about when he said to be "constant in prayer". And as I got off on the right exit and entered the right parking garage, I thought that God must be finally saying "yes". I changed my mind when it took me just as long to find my way out of the parking garage and across the street to the Floyd West building, as it did when I parked on Pryor St. I was starting to feel the exhaustion as I entered the 8th floor office again, but thankfully within 5 minutes, the form was authenticated and I was on my way home. Or so I thought... I found a short cut from the building into the wrong parking garage. Then it took me 15 minutes to realize I was in the wrong parking garage. And remember all this is going on in 100 degree heat. Finally I find the right parking garage, but I can't find my car. I am literally wandering through this parking garage wondering if I will ever see my family again. The only way I finally did find my car was to go back down to the entrance and follow the arrows on the concrete until I spotted it. Whew! Ordeal over! NOT! How blonde can I possibly be? I didn't know until today. I drove around in a few circles and finally found the exit... then I got on the freeway going the wrong way and had to turn around a few times. Somehow eventually I was back in Conyers.
About now this story is getting really long, so you are very welcome to stop reading if you would like. I would actually prefer it. But I find myself needing to get the entire thing out on paper.
So I make my way back into town and decide to go ahead and finish this paperwork stuff and get it out to the consulate. I know I should have had the good sense to go home, but when I start something there is a drive in me to finish it. So I stop at the bank and then by QT to pick up the money orders that I need, then I head to David's office, because I have to make copies of ALL of the documents before I send them off. This was all fairly uneventful besides the fact that it took over an hour, I had to empty the shredder and made a mess (sorry, mom) and the ink in the copier decided to run low. Finally I got them all done and headed over to Office Max to send them off FedEx. As I am walking into Office Max, the FedEx truck is pulling away from the building not to return until tomorrow at 5:30pm. Shouldn't have emptied that shredder, I would have made it...Or not. It took 45 minutes and 3 different employees to try to figure out how to send a prepaid return envelope with my docs and even then noone came up with an answer. I finally told them to just ship the packages and I would figure out how to get them back to me later...once again last minute optimism.
I am in my car, finally headed home when I remember as I pass Kroger that tomorrow is Nathan's birthday and I need to send treats to school. The dreaded grocery store was a must visit. I chuckled out loud as I started pushing my cart... there was something wrong with the wheels and it was probably the loudest one in existence. Fortunately for me, I could care less... I grabbed my items and headed for the checkout... the only one with an old man arguing about his Kroger card balance.
No, I certainly did not catch many breaks today. But as I sit here, finally home, with documents on their way to the consulates in Houston and on track to know who my daughter is in less then a month from now, I cannot help but laugh inside and be very thankful for the adventure of life. I am completely exhuasted, but this country girl made it home safe and sound in time to updater her blog :). Night, everyone!

5 Days that Changed My Life Forever

5 Days that Changed My Life Forever

Posted by Candace

Gosh, I really don't even know where to start on this post. I know many of you will have a hard time believing my loss for words :). This morning I watched the sun rise and thought of how a good many of us have lost all dreams, all imagination, all creativity, but God renews His every single morning. The same sun rises and sets, but do you ever see the same sunrise or the same sunset? I am amazed at His new mercies every morning... not old mercy refurbished...brand new mercy! He never runs out... just as He never runs out of ideas, or melodies, or truths, or love. Unfathomable!!

This past weekend was one of the best of my life...the best of my relationship with God. I attended a 5 day worship intensive led by Aaron Keyes and his wife, Megan. Aaron is the worship leader at Grace Fellowship Church in Snellville. Not only is he a worship leader, but he is a humble servant of the Lord and an amazing mentor.

Going into this event, I was not expecting much. In fact, my spiritual life had become pretty dry. Between church transitions, busy summertime, hosting and adoption details, and decisions being made about our future livilihood, I found myself preferring to be a zombie in front of the TV, rather than an excited follower of Christ. I really only wanted to know more about music and how to sing it, play it, etc. Instead I received manna from heaven... the food of angels. As one girl with an amazing gift from God put it...I climbed a ladder into heaven and brought back revelation. No, there were no audible voices or hallelujah choruses, but God entirely rocked my world.

There is too much to tell to even put on paper... over and abundantly too much to tell. I still am unsure of what exactly He is calling me to besides being light and peace to the world, but I do know that I have never in my life been so excited about my destiny. On the night before the last day of the conference, I woke up with a Scripture on my heart. It is found in John 14. I felt compelled to go look it up and study it... at 5am in the morning no less. I am not a 5am kind of girl, but I jumped out of bed and headed downstairs to my Strongs Concordance. During this conference, God had been pointing out lies that I had been believing all my life and it was a good amount of stuff. I was able for the first time to examine each of my thoughts according to the truth of God's Word and reject the lies. So my thoughts on this morning began like this... "This isn't normal?" I laughed at this out loud and said "Thank God!" Then I heard "It won't last." To which God pointed me to John 14: 23 "Jesus said 'If a person loves Me, he will keep My Word; and my Father will love him and We will come to him and make Our home with him.'" So my first question to God was "I thought God already loves the whole world? Why does this Scripture say 'if....then'" So I looked up the word love in this context and in the John 3:16 context. In John 3:16, the love there is grace, charity, benevolence... sorta like if you saw a homeless person on the side of the road and gave him some money or food or encouragement. He did nothing to deserve that...he didn't work for you or even like you, but you loved him anyway. The love in John 14:23 is the friendship or social love...like your spouse or your best friend. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks! Those of us who believe in and follow Christ are offered the opportunity to live with God! Not just for a day or 5 days or when we get to heaven, but from the time we start believing until ETERNITY!!! What I am experiencing right now is how God designed it to be all the time! Does that speak to anyone else??

So my next question was (and I wrote all these down that morning as I was trying to work this out) "Why do I not see this around me? even in Christians?" Next verse, John 14:24 "Anyone who does not love Me, does not observe My teaching, and the teaching that you hear from Me is not Mine, but comes from the Father." UGH!!! O-B-E-D-I-E-N-C-E... remember that song? Obedience is the very best way to show what you believe... but not only that, it is the very best way to show the Lord that we love him. When we stand before Him, I don't think "I was too busy" or "I was too distracted" or "I didn't know" are going to work. I know that those excuses don't work for me when I tell my children to do something and they don't do it.

So in this analytical head of mine, I went on to ask "How do I know what to obey?" Duh! Yeah, all of this "world-changing" has not gotten rid of the "blonde" in me, which I find hilarious and endearing!! The B-I-B-L-E, yes, that's the book for me (they had something going on with those old children's songs and everybody groans at now :). We HAVE to be in His Word or we will forget the truth and His voice will fade in our ears. Now I know why every time I reach for my Bible something says "Do that later."

Yes, I have been revolutionized... I feel it, but I also know it. Thank Jesus for His incredible streams of grace, because I did nothing to deserve this awesome change of thinking being poured into my life. As a matter of fact, if He would have done this based on my devotional life, it would have never happened. Quiet time was pretty low on my list of priorities. Now I realize that I can't live without it. I have to come and be refilled so that I can pour out more to others... so that Jesus can be seen instead of Candace. And oh, can I just tell you that life is SOOOO much more worth it when Jesus is seen instead of me. I really don't know how I lived for so long so self consumed. It is so freeing to take my burdens, desires, dreams, longings, etc and put them at the foot of the cross to let God work through me in whatever way He created me. I feel like I have been a drinking glass trying to be a plate. Now I realize and take great pleasure that I am a drinking glass and it feels so much better to have living water poured into me than for me try to stuff myself with food.

Anyway, I had to let some of this come out, so I figured the blog was the best place. I don't know who will read this, but if you are reading it... it is NOT a coincidence. That is a lie! This truth can seep into the soul of anyone who will receive it. We were all created to be vessels... the same playing field, none of us more or less important then anyone else...you (whoever you are) and me are loved the same by Christ!! Oh how He loves you! He longs to make His home with you, but just like in this physical life, He will not come where He is unwelcomed. He must be invited...and then even in the awkward, uncomfortableness of the first visit, He must be welcome. Then as you get to know Him, as the visits prolong, you will find yourself saying "Jesus, why don't we just move in together? I want more of You all the time." And then when you find yourself living with Jesus, you feel the weight of the privilege you have and you don't even have a desire to do anything but cultivate that relationship. It's completely AMAZING!

Last night, I found myself discouraged and depressed, maybe a little bit of coming off the mountain into a valley. Maybe a little bit because God had given me words for a song (I have never written a song before) and I had recorded it onto my iPad and listened to it and thought "My voice is horrible! Why has noone ever told me?" lol... probably another lie. But later as I went to bed, I found tears pouring down my face as I realized that I missed my 20 friends from the worship intensive. I missed them profoundly. I had listened to their stories and embraced. Some of them had spoken into my life. I had never really been mentored before or been in a community setting quite so deep and these people had quickly become brothers and sisters in Christ. I realized that when you open your heart to the Father, every relationship in your life becomes right... and you barely have to try. I have run out of words...

Authentication: My New Job

Authentication: My New Job

Posted by Candace

So we went to our Biometrics appointments today which turned out to be nothing more than digital fingerprinting... such a bummer. I was expecting to be grilled for an hour and then given a lie detector test and a hand writing analysis. Nothing happened more shocking then having to leave my purse in the car. Immigration employees are a bit paranoid, but these days, I guess I would be too. We were finished in less then 30 minutes which may have been more shocking then a hand writing analysis.

I also had a good, long talk with our adoption agency program director and got a good idea of what I will be working on for the next 2 months. Evidently every one of my documents that are gathered for the dossier to China have to be authenticated in the county where the notary that notarized them is registered, then in the state of that county, and then at the US consulate assigned to that state. Sounds relatively simple, right? NOT! I have documents notarized in Cobb, Walton, and Newton counties, plus one in...wait for it...Manasses, Delaware. Plus my birth certificate has to be authenticated in WA state and sent to a different consulate in CA then all of my GA documents which will go to TX. All of this is done through in person visits, mailing, and courier. Well, at least I will have something to do while I am waiting for Immigration to send us our approval. I'm not complaining.

The good news is the program director said that we are on track to get our referral at the beginning of September!!! This is when we find out who our child is. I cannot even tell you how unreal this seems and I think after all this paperwork phase, we will be absolutely thrilled to death to be waiting to travel :)! She reminded me to take pics when I put the final docs in the mail to be sent off to China as it will be quite an accomplishment! I completely agree.

So far, smooth sailing! Keep praying, friends. I know beyond a doubt it is the favor of God. We are very hopeful that we are more then half way there :).