We Have DATES!!!!

We Have DATES!!!!

Posted by Candace

So this week began for me with a frantic feeling of attempting to get ready, packed, and organized for this trip that could have been scheduled as early as Friday. As much as I cannot wait to meet my daughter, I also felt this overwhelming burden of needing to take care of and prepare for my sons. They are in the midst of their last quarter at school and Jordan is currently working on two different projects that are due in a couple of weeks. When we received the travel approval and David said to prepare to leave as early as Friday, the pressure began to pile up quickly. Saturday, Sunday, and Monday were spent compiling a "to do" list that just kept getting longer and longer until I was completely overwhelmed. Not really the best state to begin the most challenging thing that you've ever done.

So I will not lie. I prayed and I prayed for a little more time to prepare. I told God that I didn't need much, but that I could not begin this trip completely stressed out and worried that my boys at home were not going to be completely taken care of. And God, being the gracious God that He is, gave me two more weeks. I have endured this wait for 60+ weeks, I can make it through two more, and I completely need them to make sure this transition works for my boys as well as it does for Kate and I.

David is a bit disappointed that we don't leave in 3 days, but we will be leaving on Friday, May the 4th and arriving in China on Sunday, May the 6th. We will receive our daughter on Monday, May 7th which will be her 2nd birthday! Then we will wait in China for her US Consulate date on the 17th when she will become an official US citizen :). So we will come back on Friday, May 18th. My boys took less than 14 hours to birth from start to finish...this child will take 14 days! And believe me, this trip will be "labor" for me...from start to finish. Please pray for us as this will be THE most faith-filled thing I have ever done.

I am SO EXCITED to kiss those little cheeks and hold that little hand, but I am also thrilled that I will have two weeks to work out the care of my boys and try to keep them home while I am away, help Jordan finish up his projects, go on one last field trip with Nathan, prepare all the documents that I have to take with me, clean my house, celebrate with our Grow Group, and see my precious sister-in-law share her commitment to Christ with the world through baptism. My heart soars at how good God is! We will come back to a weekend and the boys will be finished with school for the year after two short days, so that burden will be alleviated and allow total focus on bringing Kate into our family! LOVE IT!

Jesus, YOU are AMAZING!!! What You are doing is AMAZING!! That we have this privilege is AMAZING!! And that You ordained it from the foundation of the world is AMAZING!! You complete us!!

I am NOT the Rescuer!

I am NOT the Rescuer!

Posted by Candace

The other day one of my boys said to me, "Mom, when Kate comes, we will still be the most special, right?" I know what he was asking. I feel it in my heart every day. "I will still be first right?" "I will still be important, right?" "No one will take my place in your heart, right?" "Guarantee me that you will still love me more."

When I was younger, my mom took an interest in a boy in our neighborhood. His parents were often quite absent and my mom often took him with us to various activities. I was insanely jealous of this boy. My mom drenched him with affection, which I already had to share with 3 other siblings. I remember wanting to be the center of her universe. I knew I had to accept that I must share her with my sisters and brother, but this boy was not part of the bargain. Sadly I remember being very "ugly" about this situation and eventually happy when the relationship ended when we moved to another neighborhood.

Something in us longs to be saturated in love. We sometimes ache to know that someone "sees" us and cares more about us than about anyone else. We want to be special, we want to be important, we want attention...and into these desires Christ speaks. "Come unto Me..." We are striving to fill ourselves with our children, our spouse, our best friend...we are placing burdens on them that are too hard for them to bear. Only He can fill the insatiable hole in our hearts. If we are not daily being filled with Him, we will only be draining to the relationships around us.

Kate, too, will feel these tuggings on her heart. She will one day begin to understand her story and will want someone to fill in the deep holes that it leaves within her. David and I can do NOTHING about those holes. Yes, we can bring her home and love her just as if she had come from our own bodies, but we will be faced with the stark fact that she didn't...that one December night, someone (the person that she looks like, takes after, and shares blood with) snuck her onto the steps of a government building, umbilical cord still attached, and turned around and walked away...that a woman somewhere in the world carried her in her womb for almost 10 months, felt her every movement, lost sleep over her, felt the pain of bringing her into this world, and then made the decision to walk away. How much did she love her daughter? Was she forced to let go? Does she still think about her, wonder about her? I have recently begun to picture her sneaking to the orphanage to try to get a glimpse of her...watching her from afar to make sure she is being taken care of...hoping that the family who adopts her will fill the void left by her decision. As a mother, I have to believe that this was the hardest choice she has ever made, and that it was driven by hope for a better future for her daughter. I have to believe it until it is proven to me otherwise.

David and I are not adopting to "rescue" an "orphan" from China. As a matter of fact, our decision to adopt, though guided every step of the way by God, was actually as simple as wanting a daughter. It was not any more spiritual than that. Kate's God is the Rescuer...He rescues all of us...sometimes He just uses another human to do it. We all have a story of void...it usually begins in our childhood. Maybe a parent was glaringly missing or lost...maybe the love had to be split between many children...maybe love was painfully absent from our home... we all need to be rescued... we all need to be filled. We are all Kate. When she comes home, I will cringe at every comment that labels her an "orphan". I will silently reject every implication that we are her "rescuers". Of course, I will realize that people often just don't know what they are saying...hey, I haven't known what I was saying. But God made it amazingly clear to me this morning... Kate is and has always been His. Just as I have always been His. Kate and I are no different...we were both ordained by God before the foundation of the world, we both were intricately formed by Him in our mother's womb, and He planned for our lives to cross in this amazing way. I have needed rescuing just as badly as she has... I was an orphan at one time, just as much as she is... my abandonement just wasn't obvious to the world. No one has ever called me an orphan or thanked my parents for rescuing me...but I am Kate. And I have been rescued. I have been adopted. I have been redeemed. He is the Rescuer, not me...and I will do my best to make this very truth the center of our Katherine Hope's identity.

I took the time the other day to let my son know that I would love him just as much as I ever have, but that I also love Kate the very same. God gave this mom a heart that could never choose between her children. While I sense his trepidation of the unknown, I also thanked God for the opportunity to start revealing their Rescuer to them...the One who can fill the void. Cause ultimately it is not me that their hearts are seeking... it is Him.

Song of the Princess

Song of the Princess

Posted by Candace

As we continue to await our final travel approval so that we can go get little princess, Kate, our world has lost 2 other princesses this week. These sweet babies have gone to see the King and I felt the need to post today in their honor.

Princess Laura Winstanley was a young 7 years old and battled throughout her lifetime with severe handicap. I only ever saw her from afar and never got to meet her, but I look forward to one day soon when we are introduced in heaven. I have heard tales of her smile, of her bravery, of her influence even in the face of death. She was dearly loved by the Orchard church, and we will be privileged with celebrating her life on Easter Sunday...the same day that we celebrate the risen Savior that is now holding her totally healed body in His arms. Laura's songs will surely stream from heaven into the hearts of those who love her.

Princess Piper Needham was also 7 years old when she journeyed to heaven this week. She fought leukemia for several years before it finally claimed her life. I have only ever read the faith filled words of her mother on a blog, but I was struck at the specialness of this little girl. She was an inspiration to everyone who met her. Her mother held her right until the end. I simply cannot bring myself to imagine feeling the life drain out of my child. This brave family is left to face days that can only be walked through by leaning desperately on the Comforter. Their daughter will surely sing over them often from heaven.

As incredibly heartbreaking as these ending are... it also means a new beginning for these little girls. No longer will their bodies struggle through each day, no longer will they require medicine or wheelchairs or doctors or hospitals, no longer will they suffer in pain and sickness. They have been made thoroughly and wonderfully whole. I picture them singing and dancing together, every now and then making sure that Jesus is taking care of their loved ones. They are running the streets of gold with flowers in their hair, racing to see who can reach Jesus first. They are without tears or pain or suffering of any kind. And I imagine that these two sweet princesses are great friends. Their voices entwine as they sing songs of comfort over the ones they left behind. If you listen closely you will hear them.

Very little in this life really matters. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. None of us are guarateed health. All of us are dying...some of us slower than others, but we are all racing toward eternity. Where will we spend it? What can we take with us? What will we leave behind? What kind of legacy are we building? It is wise for us to not only answer these questions, but also to reevaluate the answers. How are we spending our time?...because it is limited...whether we think about it or not on a daily basis, we only have so many moments on this earth. It is never too late...you are never too young or too old...to begin anew. And you are never too disabled to make a difference. These sweet princesses have been living examples of that.

Lord, help me to make use of every moment I am given...not spending it on my own pleasure, but giving my life to further Your Kingdom.

Closer to the Finish Line and More Revelations

Closer to the Finish Line and More Revelations

Posted by David Roberts

I meant to post last week and never seemed to catch up after a long couple weeks with trips to Dallas and San Diego. After getting reasonably caught up and finishing up some tests tonight, I figured I would give this post a chance. Sort of feeling down tonight after a super tough day capped off by my failing of my first test (by 1 point) at LRU since the beginning of this degree program. Keeping my 4.0 GPA right now seems a distant hope. We shall see.

So last week was an unusual week in our adoption process for me specifically. We did our travel planning call with Emily and then I headed out to San Diego in the following days. Emily mentioned a seminar at her church on Facebook and I got in the conversation. We spoke the following day she mentioned a book to me entitled "Before You Were Mine" by Susan Tebos and Carissa Woodwyk. Typically my undiagnosed ADD keeps me from long and sustained periods of reading, which is pretty disappointing. However, my new Kindle Fire has given me hope. Long story short, I read the entire book that Emily recommended in 4 hours on the flight out and 3 hours on the flight back. That has never happened before. So what was it that was so amazing about this book? In a nutshell it is about Lifebook's. These are basically the story of your adopted child prior to you bringing them into your life. As I read the first few chapters, I was pretty frustrated hearing about other families who told their child's story pre-adoption with great detail including birth parents, stories, etc. What exactly would we write about Kate given her history. She had no history, right? Well, then it happened and I can feel it all over again just telling the story. The authors use an example of a Chinese girl who was abandoned from the very beginning... Wow - who knew there were almost identical stories out there to that of Kate's. So as the flight attendants passed repeatedly, I just kept asking for more drinks because they would give me more napkins with each serving. I was in the middle seat with 2 guys on either side and I was a total wreck crying on a plane reading my Kindle about Lifebook's. The constant revelations about this process just continue to come to both Candace and I. What was initially a seemingly simple process of bringing an at risk little girl to a stable home environment has opened up to be a life changing event. I find myself constantly getting new revelations routinely about this process. At one time I found myself last week wishing I could go back to the boys early days to make them better, realizing I am infinitely more informed these days about what my kids need from me. This book was teaching me things I never had even considered. How do we teach our children to honor their birth parents regardless of the circumstances? What is our role as God's hand's extended to our children? How do we best exemplify that model? How do we come alongside our children every step of the way through their life? How do we put ourselves in the position of the birth parents and go through the struggle they must have agonized about? Amazing questions that I had to admit were considered very little if any in my parental past.

The book was amazing and just reading about the amazing stories of these children worldwide prior to their adoption experiences was pretty tough. Realizing that God found a way to rescue so many of them while still giving them an identity right in the middle of all that horrible stuff was amazing. I had to tell friends of ours last week in San Diego repeatedly that for every blessing we might be pouring out on Kate, we truly feel like we get 100 blessings in return. To date, there are few things in my life that have affected me to this level. I sincerely hope this is only the beginning of the transformation and I look forward to shepherding both Kate as well as Jordan and Nathan in ways I never imagined. What an amazing privilege we have as parents if we could just ever wake up and realize how important the process really is.

Grain, New Wine, Olive Oil...and Lice???

Grain, New Wine, Olive Oil...and Lice???

Posted by Candace

I know, I know...very odd title for a blog post. Bet you won't ever find another one like it, but it will all make sense if you make it to the end (at least it will make more sense than it does now).

Emily tells us that we are about 2 weeks out from our travel approval. That approval means we can officially book our trip, so it won't be long now.

In the meantime, God is digging deep in me, preparing me for our daughter. He has promised that she will be bringing much joy with her and I am excited to begin this new chapter in our lives. We are having to press through difficulties and I now see what I was warned of in the beginning. The enemy hates adoptions and he does not let them take place without a fight. For some it is financial problems or problems with vehicles or jobs. For us, among other things, it has been lice. Yes, you heard me correctly. We were invaded with the little creatures...all of us but my bald husband. After much, and at times loud, discussion, David shaved Jordan and Nathan's heads to make sure there was no chance of reinfestation. I jokingly commented that he had probably planted the lice, because he had been begging the boys to follow his "baldness" lead. He offered to shave mine and sadly, as freaked out as I was, I almost let him, but my hair dresser came to the rescue. She sweetly came over (after she emphatically told me NOT to shave my head) and cut my hair and picked it clean of the little boogers.

As weird as this may sound, I think I heard God say that the lice were a blessing in disguise. As crazy as that sounds...and believe me, after about 20 loads of laundry, vacumming, spraying, bagging, and picking, it sounds pretty crazy... I began to think about how quickly the enemy can infiltrate our minds with lies and wrong thoughts and how believing those thoughts causes them to multiply. Pretty soon we are infested with lies, just as my hair was infested with lice. When we begin to confront this infestation, it is overwhelming and requires patience. It also requires the right tools. I tried to use a comb to pull lice out of Jordan's hair, but it didn't do a thing. When I used the metal lice comb, it started to pull everything out. The Word of God is like a "lie comb". It exposes and eradicates every lie of the devil, but sometimes it takes a while. Sometimes we have to be persistent and radical if we want to see real, true change in our lives. We must not give up, because as soon as we do, a reinfestation will occur. Right now, not only am I consistently checking my hair for lice, I am just as often checking my mind for lies of the enemy. I want to eradicate every single one!

This morning, my devotional led me to Joel 2 where I read this Scripture. "Look, I am about to send you grain, new wine, and olive oil. You will be satiated with them, and I will no longer make you a disgrace among the nations." Don't ask me why, but this passage spoke to my deep into my spirit. In Biblical times, grain, new wine, and oil were signs of abundance and prosperity. When they showed up, the famine was over and it was time to celebrate. But in order to get from famine to grain, wheat must be threshed. In order to get from famine to new wine, grapes must be crushed. In order to get from famine to olive oil, olives must be pressed. Threshed, crushed, and pressed...it's what we must go through if we really want our lives to reflect the abundance of Christ. Sure, we can accept Christ as Savior and then hide from anything hard and live mediocre lives with one foot in the world and one foot in the Kingdom...and I would know, because I have. Or we can walk forward with Christ one moment at a time, going through the threshing, the crushing, and the pressing to the other side where abundance overtakes us. Anyone who truly follows Christ will go through this process, some of us thick skulled ones more than once. Why? Because in order to do anything great for the Kingdom, in order to really follow Christ, we must know that we know that we know that our very life depends on Him. We must lean on Christ the solid Rock and nothing else. We must wake up desperate for Him and we must go to bed thankful that He showed up and led us through the day. The path that He has for us requires this kind of total trust and dependency...the kind that only comes in days when we have to run to Him for survival. We say that we want to trust God fully, but are we willing to walk in the days that are required to learn trust? Are we willing to sometimes take steps that feel like walking off a cliff, but are actually walking right into His arms? Are we willing to stand out from the world, be labeled "fanatic", and be misunderstood? If we are, the rewards are great.

So there is alot of threshing, crushing, pressing, and lie eradicating going on over here. It sounds easier than it is, but it's gonna be worth it. On the other side, there is grain, new wine, oil, and freedom from lies... and that is what keeps me going on most days. And even in the middle of going through the hard stuff, the Savior speaks loudly, bringing hope and peace, cheering us on. God is with us... He is here...right now.

If this is the oddest post that you have ever read, I totally understand... :) What a mom Kate is blessed with! lol.

Keep pouring your prayers on us! We are desperate for them.

Exchanging Worry for the Word!

Exchanging Worry for the Word!

Posted by Candace

So we are in the very last stages of our waiting game. Starting to feel like I have been pregnant for 2 years. David and I are both ready for this transition to begin. We just have to wait for the travel approval and then book the trip. It's almost time.

I'm not gonna lie... I am more scared than excited. Probably just because it is one of my huge weaknesses to fear the unknown. Waiting has been safe for me. We have a daughter in China and the idea of that without the work has been like a dream. Truth is I have no idea what to expect and no idea how this will change our lives. I would probably feel the same things if I was pregnant right now, but at least I would have an idea of how everything would work out. People respond to us like we are saints, but I feel the farthest thing from a saint when I find myself worrying about how this little girl will affect our "safe" and semi "normal" family. Those are less than saintly thoughts. It's kinda like when you are pregnant with your 2nd child and you constantly wonder how you will ever love them as much as you do the one you have already. Don't get me wrong, I love Kate. You can hear it in my voice when I talk about her and see it in my face when her name is mentioned... it's just that none of this is a piece of cake. I'm glad that it isn't, but I also wrestle with the part of me that hates large changes. If there was ever a battle going on between flesh and spirit, it is going on right in this very home. I am learning right here and now to draw nearer to the only One who has the plan. He alone knows how all of this looks on the other side and I am realizing once again how very much I need Him and how very much I have allowed the distractions of this world to pull me away from Him. The funny thing about all my concerns and fears is that even when one of them happens to come to pass, He is always right there holding my hand and making everything okay. I want so much not to worry any more! The worry is always more traumatizing than any circumstance that actually happens. He told me yesterday that the only way to peace is through a deep commitment to His Word. We have to exchange our worry habit for a Word habit. It is our daily Bread. It heals, it restores, it sets free. If we will only submit ourselves to that and quit trying to find freedom any other way, we will soon see the life of It springing up into us. "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

So keep us in your prayers in the days and months to come. We need every one of them. Thank you so much for supporting and for loving us!

The Faith of Adoption

The Faith of Adoption

Posted by Candace

I just finished a book called "Silent Tears: A Journey of Hope in a Chinese Orphanage". It is the journal of a woman who lived in China for 4 years and volunteered at a local orphanage. Needless to say, it was heart-wrenching. She speaks of conditions that would cause most of us to turn our backs because we simply could not watch. She details her experiences of the overwhelming need of the children to just experience human touch. These are children that are not held or rocked or sang to...who receive cold baths and frigid conditions (even inside) in the winter and battle heat and bugs in the summer... who share bottles and bowls of rice because there is not enough to go around and often pass illnesses like cattle. These are children who would thrive in loving families, but waste away because of deformities or imperfections.

I have had several people question why we didn't adopt locally when there are so many children in our own backyard that need families. My answer has been that China is where God led us, but even as I said it, I felt a certain sense of guilt... NO MORE! The needs of these international children are just as great, if not greater then those in America. The conditions I read of would have caused national crisis and attention here in the states and resolved quickly, while this woman worked 4 years to put a dent in the care of these children with fundraising and the like, and still ended up resigning her post because she just could not deal with seeing children die that could have been saved.

As you can imagine, this book hit a personal nerve, and after I was done I wondered if I even should have read it. But I know that it was placed in front of me for a reason. I will now pray harder for our Kate... I will be more committed than ever to go get her... and I will be the first one to offer infinite hugs and kisses and touches to our little girl. If anything can make up for the 2 years of pain and abandonment she has already faced, we will do it!

Yes, adoption has been a arduous journey of waiting. Yes, adoption has been an expensive journey. Yes, adoption is a more difficult way of adding to a family. But not because of these things, you know why it is more challenging? Because it requires FAITH. Faith that God will provide funds, faith that He will provide the child that belongs to you, faith that He will actively work in the process step by step, faith that He will be amazingly present with your child until you can bring him or her home for good. Yes, adoption is a calling. But before you let yourself off the hook...it is a calling for ALL of us to care for widows and orphans...it is even what James calls "True Religion". Not everyone has a desire to adopt a child, but as adopted children of Christ, we should ALL have a desire to do SOMETHING. So as a passionate mom waiting on her little girl, I ask you to examine your life, your priorities, your giving, your faith... where are you helping the 147 million orphans waiting for love? Are you just assuming that someone is taking care of them? Maybe God wants to take care of them through you. Maybe He wants to take care of them through some of the resources that He has give you. Definitely He wants to take care of them through your awareness, your prayers, and your voice. Will you become a part of the solution? If you can only help just one, will you do it? Don't ignore the urgings inside of you for a more comfortable or easy life. Let the Holy Spirit interfere with your 5 and 10 year goals, and then watch as He works right before your eyes! I promise, it will be worth it!

"Eye has not seen and ear has not heard what God has in store for those who love Him."